5 Friday Funnies! Fall Edition: SNL Kate McKinnon & Alec Baldwin, Halloween Top Ten, Funny Mom Blogs

It's Friday and it's time to have a bit of a laugh. With all this political craziness going on it's nice to have a break and think about something else for a change, but before we do that I'd like to share this very funny SNL sketch. Alec Baldwin does a better Donald Trump than Donald Trump himself and Kate McKinnon is the funniest woman alive right now. Enjoy!



VP Debate Cold Open - SNL

Sibling Irony #3: Presents: Funny Kid Arguments. 
Toddler vs. Preschooler

Top Ten Fights Parents Have With Kids Over 
Halloween Costumes

Holiday Hilarity: Funny Holiday Cards

Death By Chevron Print Overkill

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Death By Chevron Print Overkill

Ladies, we need to chat.

Ummm...Chevron Print.

Thanks to Pinterest, DIY blogs, Pinterest, and all things cute and crafty (Pinterest), we have a bit of an overkill going on over here regarding the trend du jour, Chevron Print.

Yes, I admit. I have seen a few chevron-y things that are kinda cute. But it's gone too, too, too, oh-so-far, far. I've seen entire walls of rooms c-o-v-e-r-e-d in Chevron print complete with matching bedding and DIY curtains and accent pilows. (And no I'm not linking to it because you'll pin it to your "All Things Chevron" Pinterest board!)

Ladies and Gays, hear me out - it's venturing into this sort of obsessive/compulsive, life of it's own, pre-teen-puppy-love-OneDirection-JustinBieber-OMG!-JenniferLawrence-just-cut-off-all-of-her-hair-Beyonce's-secret-album-drop-is-that-a-Jennifer-Aniston-baby-bump-ten-year-reunion-rumor-Black-Friday-Deals-starting-in-the-summertime-and-lasting-all-month-gotta-have-it-gotta-have-it-gotta-have-more-stuff-more-stuff-more-and-more-and-more-more-stuff-can't-function-until-my-life-is-totally-utterly-completely-plastered-in-some-crappy-Charlie-Brown-T-shirt-zig-zag-print-from-the-70's (minus the drab colors of course.)

Not that I really have any issue with it, of course.

A Crafty DIY: "I'm Over You Chevron Print/You Can Go Now" Picture.

Let's move on people. There's nothing to see here.  

BTW: if you make a youtube video of yourself reading the above rant in one breath I will make you a chevron print decorated sugar cookie that will be totally Pinterest worthy. 

Love,
Coco Cana

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Holiday Hilarity

I have been having a little too much fun creating those funny, terribly sarcastic someecards. It's kind of right up my alley right now because each picture is like a perfect little writing prompt. Great for when I have writers block and need a lil fix o' funny. I have a lot of them so I have decided to start blogging them into categories just for fun. Here is my Fall/Winter Holiday edition. 

If sarcasm is your jam then check out my other someecards on my Pinterest board called: My Funny One Liners

Here is some Holiday Hilarity for you:
















Hope you got a laugh! I'm not going to say "sharing is caring" because that's lame. But you know what to do.

Happy Holidays!

Love,
Coco Cana

To read more of these wacky cards click here.

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Top 10 Things Never to Tell a Pregnant Women During the Holidays (or anytime!)

Pic credit: Barginlifestyle dot com

It's the holidays and you're out and about feeling merry and bright with your most precious gift - your baby belly - when sure enough someone makes a Grinchlike comment that dims your holiday glow. In the spirit of giving, share this list, and help make the world a better place!

1. “You're looking quite jolly in that red dress.”

2. “Are you hiding an elf under there?”

3. “Are you sure you aren't having twins? (This really has nothing to do with the holidays.)

4. You: “Hey Babe, does this white maternity snow jacket make me look too fat?”

Hubby: “No, it's cute. You look just like a snowman.”

5. “Too bad you can't have any wine right now. We're drinking the bottle we just brought back

from that little winery villa we stayed at in Tuscany." (Holiday or not, this is So-Not-Cool!)

6. “You know you can't eat that raw cookie dough, right?"

7. “How cute, when you laugh your belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly.”

8. “Are you sure you want to eat a third piece of pumpkin pie after you raided the refrigerator at midnight and finished off the rest of the turkey and mashed potatoes? You've been complaining a lot about heart burn, insomnia, swollen ankles, gas and constipation. You can't blame everything on the baby.”

9. “It looks like the bird has been stuffed already.”

10. Your Husband: “Honey, I just got the menu for my holiday work party. They are serving candy cane martinis and cranberry sangria, all you can eat sushi, and sashimi, goose liver pate, oysters on the half shell, deli meat tray with brie, camembert, goat cheese and port cheese, authentic Caesar salad, swordfish or Thresher Shark with veggies covered in hollandaise sauce, and a dessert tray with spiced rum cake, dark chocolate mud pie with espresso ice cream, custard tarts, Grand Marnier and Bailey's filled chocolates, homemade eggnog, hot buttered rum, and Irish cream or Kahlua coffee.”

You: "Looks I'll be making scrambled eggs for dinner again.

Did an interaction with a stranger (or loved one who should know better) leave you feeling Scrooge'd this holiday season? Tell us your awkward pregnancy comments below, and let us revel!

To read more from Top Ten Lists from My Tales From The Crib click here.

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*This was originally posted on December 23 for mom365. Click here to read more of my Top Ten Lists on Mom365.

Top 10 Last-Minute Ways To Get Your Sexy Back By Valentine's Day

 After a long day of changing diapers, putting out tantrum fires,
finger painting, cutting and gluing everything in our path, and scaling Mt. Laundry Pile,
I feel like this Valentine's Day dog.
All droopy and sleepy eyed, needing some coffee and someone to love me
in my unshowered, no make-up,
still-in-my-jammies-because-I'm-way-too-cold-to-get-dressed state.
Thank God for my AMAZING husband who loves me just the way I am!  
Cuz somedays - it just ain't pretty.
Pic by my preschooler - featuring: Bubbles The Dog

Need to get your sexy back right now and don't feel like you have the time?  Here's a list of Top 10 things you can try to get your groove back and celebrate like you did pre-kids!

1. Remove all squeaky and musical toys from your bed.
2. Haven't gotten around to loosing the baby weight or getting your highlights done? Light some candles. Flickering light makes everyone look good. 
3. Move the kids into their own rooms for the night. It's kinda hard to get your sexy back with a co-sleeping preschooler, a toddler sleeping sideways, a baby attached to your breast and your baby daddy on the floor.
4. Forgot to take that pole dancing class at your gym? Watch some Motley Crue videos on YouTube and copy some moves.
5. Don't have dinner reservations? Search “sexy foods” on Google and hope you have some of the ingredients in your fridge.
6. Want to watch a romantic movie to get you in the mood? Pop in The Notebook. Ryan Gosling will do it every time! Just remember to wake up your man, who's sleeping next to you on the couch, when it's time to fool around.
7. Make a sexy playlist on iTunes. Be sure to remove all kid songs. It's hard to get in the mood to the Backyardigans theme song.
8. Search the garage for that naughty nurse's costume you wore for your sororities Halloween party 8 years ago, and while your at it, look for the box that says “pre-pregnancy panties.”
9. Jump in the shower, fix your hair cute, apply make-up, ditch the yoga pants (for once), find a top that isn't covered in baby barf, dig out one of your old bras (not the nursing bras you've been living in), shave off the three months' worth of hair growth from your legs and armpits, trim up any other business you need to attend to, slip into that sexy red dress and heels that haven't seen the light of day since your honeymoon, have a glass of wine at dinner and forget that you are a mom for a few hours. 
10. Take the kids to grandma's,  turn off the lights,  jump into bed with your man and do it all night long without any interruptions. I'm talking about sleep! When you wake up rested for the first time in months you'll have more energy to get frisky.

No more excuses! Which ones do you think you'll try?

*This was originally posted on February 13, 2012 for mom365. Click here to read more of my Top Ten Lists on Mom365. Written by me, Coco Cana. 

Sibling Irony #3: Presents: Funny Kid Arguments. Toddler vs. Preschooler

My toddler is such an optimist. He's been walking around all day long saying, "it's almost Friday!"  Considering it was Monday, I didn't have the heart to correct him. Even though I don't think he even knows what "Monday" is.  So in typical toddler fashion - and if you know toddlers then you know what I'm talking about - he proceeded to spend the rest of the day telling everyone that it was, "almost Friday!"  And depending on how you look at it, he was right. It was almost Friday - in four days. Glass half full. I like that.

However, Big Sissy was growing tired of all of Baby Brother's "unnecessary" celebrating. Here's how it all went down. 

(SIDE NOTE: I'm trying to nip all of the excess fighting in the bud...but this particular argument was kinda funny so it was hard not to laugh while I was telling them to use their nice words with each other.) 

Baby Brother: “It's Almost Friday!”

Big Sissy: “No it isn't.”

Baby Brother: “Yes it is!”

Big Sissy: “No it ISN'T!”

Baby Brother: “Yes it IS, Sissy!”  ("Sissy" said with a tiny lisp, btw.)

(SIDE NOTE: Due to budgeting and time constraints I've edited the actual number of times this dialogue went back and forth. Once again if you know toddlers and preschoolers - especially those who are siblings - then you know what I'm talking about.) 

Baby Brother: “It's Almost Friday!”

Big Sissy: “Mooooooom, he keeps saying it's almost Friday!

Mom: (behind locked door) "Hey! Quiet down out there! I'm trying to watch last night's 15-hour re-cap episode of The Bachelor on TiVo and finish off these chocolate brownies before daddy eats them all and I can't hear myself think with all that yelling!" 

Juuuuust kiddiiiiiiing. 

You started to have some serious judgements going on though, didn'tcha? Come on admit it!  I saw your eyebrows raise up. We actually don't even have TiVo, so of course that's not true.

 Where were we?  Oh yea - back to the toddler vs. preschooler argument du jour...

"No it's not." 

"Yes it is."

Big Sissy: “He keeps saying it's almost Friday and it's not Friday!  It's January!"

Mama: (trying to muffle the laugh-cough into a bent elbow)"Well Birdie, Baby Brother doesn't really know what day it is. He's only 2 years old. He's just saying it's 'Friday' because he's heard us say that before and he's trying out new words so he can be a part of our conversation too. Today is actually Monday. So instead of yelling at him that he's wrong, let's try to teach our Baby Brother with our nice words that today is Monday but that Friday will be here soon.... OK, Love?"

Big Sissy: (to Baby Brother in the sassy voice reserved for 4 year olds who are trying to "school" their baby siblings) "It's not Friday, Bay. It's Monday.... AND it's January!"

Mom: (oh yea I forgot - mom brain) "Actually Birdie, it's February. Last month was January and this month is February. That's why we've been making our Valentine's Day cards for school because our Valentine's Day party is February 14th, remember? Next month it changes again and it will be March.... And we're using nice voices with each other, please. If not, then you will be choosing to have some time away from playing trains to cool off.

Baby Brother: (as if he's just invented bubblegum) “IT'S ALMOST FRIDAY!”

Big Sissy: (in her nicest, big girl 'teaching voice') "It's not Friday, Baby Brother (caressing his cheek to soften the blow of bad news) it's actually Monday - Feb-boo-r-air-y. January is over...(shakes head) It's gone, Bay Man. Gone forever. And Friday is in 8 days...OK Love?”

Baby Brother: (running the other way with his sword in the air) “Hey-evy-body! It's Almost Friday!”

Big Sissy: “MOOOOOOOOOOOM!”

Mom: (walks into the kitchen looking for pan of chocolate brownies - thinking of ordering TiVo.)

Are we there yet?  Why yes. Yes we are.

Happy almost Friday everyone!

Are you following @coco_cana on twitter yet? She doesn't really know how it works so it's kinda funny watching her flail around over there. Good for a laugh. 

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Halloween Top Ten - But Mommy, I want to be a [fill in the blank]!

Picking my daughter's Halloween costume used to be pretty simple when she was a baby and a toddler. We liked Disney, she liked princesses - our decision was made before we even went shopping. For her first Halloween she was Tinkerbell (Mommy's pick), second she was Snow White (Daddy's pick) and for her third Halloween she chose Princess Aurora aka Sleeping Beauty. This year I thought it'd be a no-brainer - till she threw me a total curve ball. Can you guess which one? So in the spirit of Trick or Treat, here are 6 costume conflicts to let you know you're not alone.

The Toddler Boy
Your choice That cool NASA astronaut costume Dad just knew he'd love
His choice What he wore to the grocery store last Tuesday: cowboy boots, monkey PJs, torn superman cape, pirate eye patch and Buzz Light Year gloves – or he’ll throw a fit.

The Toddler Girl
Your choice A cute little bumble bee with glitter wings and black-and-yellow striped tights
Her choice The tall, bumpy red thing with fangs and one eye, aka Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba

The Preschool Boy
Your choice A fireman, because he's always wearing his favorite fireman rainboots
His choice The fairy princess costume, with wand, wings and plastic click-clack shoes his older sister wore last Halloween.

The Preschool Girl
Your choice You scored the last Rapunzel costume in town - and even took out a small loan for the long wig (not included), because Rapunzel was her all-time favorite movie... last week
Her "I want to be a bat and paint my face black."
You “Oooo, I know! How about Hello Kitty?”
Her “I want to be a bat.”
You “Cinderella?”

The Tween
Your choice The HSM cheerleading costume you just bought because she's been talking about it for months
Her choice Your 10-year-old and her friends want to be “sexy Goth cheerleaders”: purple and black hair streaks, knee-high socks, fishnet gloves (torn), black lipstick
You "Did you just say 'sexy?'"
Her Rolls eyes
You "I'm NOT returning the HSM costume!"

Infant babe
Your choice A cute round pumpkin costume, “Mommy's Little Pumpkin” socks, $35 soft leather shoes with jack-o-lanterns and a little pumpkin stem hat complete with leaf and curly vine.
Baby’s, um, choice The neon orange “This Is My Costume” onesie your husband found on sale at the drugstore on Halloween after the baby blew out her diaper, pooped out the neckhole of the poofy pumpkin costume and before you could remove the poopy diaper from the changer, donkey-kicked both feet right into the poop getting socks, shoes and legs covered. Trick or Treat?

Your turn. What was your favorite costume choice that never saw the light of the moon? What was your least favorite costume pick that rose from the dead?

(*This was originally posted on October 26, 2011 for mom365 where I landed my first gig as freelance writer for mom's blogs. This was my debut post which had 2469 views before they launched their new site and it no longer fit into their new format of either being a Pregnancy, Baby, Toddler or Preschooler Blog. So it will live on here for many Halloween's to come! ;-) Click here to read more of my Top Ten Lists on Mom365.)

Have a fun, safe & Happy Halloween!

*heart*

Coco Cana

To read more from My Tales From The Crib click here.

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Tweet

The next time my kids fight, I just might break out into song.

My funny friend Regina posted this on her facebook page and I just cracked up, so I had to share it here.

I have a 4 1/2 year old and an almost 2 year old (in 3 days actually!), so I find myself yelling "STOP!" quite often.  I'm either yelling "STOP!" because I'm keeping someone from running out into the street, keeping someone from reaching up to touch a hot stove or I'm keeping them from shredding a toy in half with the toy tug-of-war/screaming match that is going on over here on a daily basis.

I feel like a traffic cop with how much I'm yelling "STOP!"  So the next time I yell, "STOP!" I just might break out into song!  The tough part is choosing which one.

What's your fave?  Comment below!





P.S. This is just another example of why I loved my whole water birth/home birth experience. Regina was my nurse at the birth center.  I say, "my nurse" because at the time, she was the only nurse who took care of all the moms-to-be before the midwife came in.  She brought such comfort, joy, laughter, and light to all of my appointments!  Where before when I was going to the OB through my insurance I saw different people all the time and I could hardly get anyone to look me in the eye let alone remember my name, and then have them as a facebook friend. Heck my OB didn't even have a clue who I was when I passed him in the hallway and said, "hi" before my final appointment with him. I noticed the puzzled look on his face so I said my name to spark a memory (which still didn't ring a bell) and I was 25+ weeks along!  (That's close to 7 months pregnant for those of you keeping score at home.) That was very frustrating for me because I felt like a number. That doesn't really work for me. Especially when I'm going through one of the most life changing experiences in my life and want my voice to be heard when it comes time to push that puppy out.  I don't know about you, but I don't do well with just being a nameless, faceless number getting lost in the system.  

I met Regina at my very first appointment at South Coast Midwifery in Irvine, Ca and since she was anticipating my first appointment anyway she already knew my name when I walked in the door and was greeted with a big smile. It was the little things like that that completely made my pregnancy and water birth with my sweet lil baby boy a very magical and memorable experience. And she is still making me laugh all the time with silly posts like this one.  Thanks Regina!  So glad you were my nurse!  


BTW - If you know who made this "sign" please let me know so I can give them credit!  Because I didn't make it. I'm just sharing it. Thx!

Sibling Irony #2 Presents: Preschooler Logic

Toddler: "Nooooooo Sissy!"

Mommy: "Don't kick your baby brother."

Preschooler: "I wasn't...  

...I was just using my feet."

Top 10 Signs You Have Officially Arrived in Toddlerville

One minute you have a tiny bundle of swaddled joy, and the next minute, that bundle is swinging from the cupboard door. If this sounds familiar to you, either you've already moved here or it's time to pack your bags.

Welcome to Toddlerville! We serve up crazy all day long!

1. Everything is edible. The shriveled square of cheese in the corner, a Cheerio some other kid left in the shopping cart, cat food, dog poop…
2. You’re exhausted all day long but have insomnia at 3:45am, and the only thing bouncing around in your brain is a song from The Wiggles.
3. You have Play-Doh stuck in your hair, finger paint up to your elbows and you just sat in something sticky.
4. The entire perimeter of your dining room table is engraved with ball point pen, and you can't get mad because it's a “picture of me giving my baby brother a love.”
5. Tiny little hand prints cover every glass surface you own including the very top of your bathroom-sink mirror - and frankly, you’re afraid to ask about that one.
6. You have about 25 sippy cups with multiple "leakproof" parts you can never find when you need them, and they all leak.
7. With your eyes closed, you can recite the words to Goodnight Moon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Pat the Bunny.
8. Everything is a toy. The half-empty dog dish covered in slobber, your cell phone with recent calls to China, your dirty flip flop that's moonlighting as a teether and a box of condoms you keep in “the drawer.”
9. You once thought of bubbles and chalk as a quiet backyard activity. Now you know it means mixing them into a paste and applying it as a face mask on the dog.
10. No matter how many fresh veggies, whole grains and "green things" your child ate as a baby, you now live in the world of "beige food": chicken nuggets, chicken fingers, chicken fries, macaroni and cheese, tater tots, enough bread to choke a small horse, noodles with butter, cheese pizza (if you can leave off the sauce that would be awesome), applesauce and corn (Toddlerdom’s approved fruits and veggies) and corn-dog bites, because if you don't remove the stick, it will be used as a weapon against the baby and big sister. The only colorful thing is the milk. It now comes in pink and brown.

How about you? Are we there yet? Or are you still living over on Sweet Baby Lane?

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*This was originally posted on November 9, 2011 for mom365 where I landed my first gig as freelance writer for mom's blogs. Click here to read more of my Top Ten Lists on Mom365.

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