How Do I Explain This To My Children? (Election of 2016)

As my husband and I sit here on the couch on election night, way past our bedtime, smart phones in hand, afraid to hit the refresh button - in complete and utter disbelief - I can't help but be sad for my children. That was the first thing I thought of. "The kids are going to be devastated tomorrow!" we agreed. This election year has been a terrible one. It has gotten so nasty and out of hand and so hard to explain in a way that a child can understand because they are not used to hearing adults say such horrible things to each other. And we actually have not been letting them hear anything about the election (we never let them watch the news) - but they are hearing things from other kids at school and other adults everywhere we go. This is the first election where I have been a mother to young children who are old enough to be aware of what is going on in the world around them. They are aware that Donald Trump has said some really mean things. They are aware that he wants to build a wall to keep people out.

My daughter has a beloved teacher who moved here when she was 19 years old from Guadalajara, Mexico to go to college in the United States of America and my sweet child is terrified that Donald Trump will send her away if he becomes President. My daughter is only 8 years old. She should be worrying about her spelling test on Friday, what to get her friend for his birthday and when we are finally going to get this supposed dog we keep talking about (soon my child, soon) - not if some tyrannical, hate-filled old blow-hard of a man wants to send her lovely teacher back to Mexico. The same woman who made me cry during Back-To-School night because she said, "You love your children when they are at home and I will love them when they are here and together we will become a good team in helping them grow and learn and become the best people they can become. I will be their mother here at school and love them and care for them like my own children." Now you see why I couldn't hold back the tears!

My fellow mothers reading this - this election has reminded me of something. I need to be more present so that my children get my influence as opposed to social media's influence. I know I'm not alone in this. We must band together and check back into our lives to raise the next generation to be better and more evolved than this one. Smart phones, iPads, social media, Facebook has become a brain clog and a crutch for far too long in our lives and it's up to us - the people raising the tiny humans who will eventually run this world to DO BETTER. I'm in tears tonight at the thought of a Donald Trump Presidency for the next four years because as a mother to an 8 year old girl and a 6 year old boy who is just this year a brand new, sweet, innocent kindergartner not yet hardened by the harsh realities of life, I make it my mission to raise children who are tolerant of all humans, who respect all humans regardless of what they look like, who they love, who they pray to and where they were born. We talk at length at home about not being a bully and what it means to stand up to bullies and fight for the underdog and for those who are unable to fight for themselves. We teach them to fight for the rights of all humans. I have made a point when talking to my children to go out of my way to not describe people by their skin color or use stereotypical words when talking about others and I cringe when people do talk like that around my kids. It's mostly the Baby Boomer generation and the generation older than them who think nothing of putting people in nice little cut and dry categories based on race, gender or sexual orientation. Please evolve from this way of thinking. We can be better than that.

We need to teach our kids to have more respect for adults and for their peers. We need to get off our high horses when it comes to our kids and admit it to ourselves if we do have the child who is the bully. They are somebody's child - and we need to swallow our pride, loose the defensiveness and listen to how we can change their behavior because we must change their behavior for the better. It's hard to do, especially if it's a mirror of our own behavior, but it must be done.

We need to unplug the devices and let our child see the color of our eyes when they are telling us a story about what happened that day at school as opposed to the top of our hairline on our nodding head as we look down at our phone pretending to multitask.

Our children are not objects needed to be to multitasked.  

We need to make a "No Phone/ No TV Zone" during most, if not ALL meals and use words and facial expressions to communicate with one another while we are sitting at a table looking at each other. If this sounds weird and foreign the way I'm explaining it, it's because this idea has become foreign to so many. Be honest with yourself, how many meals do you have a week where the whole family is sitting at a table talking and eating and the TV is off and phones are not sitting on the table right next to your plate or in our hands taking your attention away at every beep and buzz. Now think about your own childhood and how your family meals were. Was the TV on?  Did it bother you if your dad was watching the game instead of listening to a story you had about your friends at school? Now is your chance to change it for the better. This is your life. These are your kids. You shape the story they will tell someday of their childhood. Don't loose your child while they are still young enough to want you to be a part of their daily lives. Just ask a parent of a typical teenager about how much their child wants to sit and chit chat about what they are doing with their friends at school.  Crickets...

Regardless of who wins this Presidency, I still vow to raise my children to not judge people by their skin color, to not dislike someone because of who they pray to, or who they don't pray to. I promise to teach them that love is love and to marry who their heart tells them to, not who society tells them to. And to respect people who choose to love someone that society is telling them not to. I will keep teaching them manners and respect and compassion and to not be a bully, regardless of what they are hearing a candidate who is running for President saying to others. I promise to teach them to believe those who speak out about personal tragic stories of sexual abuse for they are the true brave souls in this world.

This election has taught me many things - one of which is that I need to work harder at home while my children are young to continue to lay the foundation of goodness, caring, respect, tolerance, understanding, compassion, and continue teaching them right from wrong so they can make choices in their lives that make a difference for the better. So they will know when they hear an old man named Donald Trump yelling at someone on the TV and using obscene language and being an outright bully to anyone who challenges him on social media and on TV to know that they don't have to respect that sort of behavior just because he's an adult and they are children. They don't have to imitate that behavior and they will know from how their parents treat them that they don't have to ever tolerate that behavior from anyone - even from the President of the United States because they matter simply because they are a human being. Just as you matter. God help us all.

I'll leave you with some Maya Angelou. May she help to spread some positivity and a better understanding and make you feel a bit better.

One of my all time favorites:

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better." 
~ Maya Angelou

"You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive."

- Interview from the April 2011 edition of O, the Oprah Magazine (2011)

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

- Excerpted from Letter to My Daughter, a book of essays (2009)

"One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest."

- Interview in USA TODAY (March 5, 1988)

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

- Interview for Beautifully Said Magazine (2012)

"I am a Woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal Woman,
that's me."

- Phenomenal Woman, poem (1978)

The above quotes were found here.

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Peace, Love and Light.

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My Spirited Crystal Wonder Girl - Part:1

I am the mother of a Spirited Child. She was brought here to take me on a journey to find myself, to better myself and to change who I am. I am exhausted. I feel like a failure most of the time because what works today will most likely not work tomorrow. I feel like I'm lost in the woods without any markers to get me home. I feel like a horse that is refusing to be broken...but knows I should be because then life will be a lot easier. You see, I too am a Spirited Child, so I'm stubborn. I too am strong willed, demanding, persistent, have big dreams and am far too observant for my liking... I too seek to change the world and demand greatness from others, especially when they are not living their true passions. I am the mother of a Spirited Child and these are my observations.

Part 1: A Rough Draft.

Her energy is unmatched and refuses to be harnessed. Her laugh can be heard miles away, her cries break the sound barrier, and the term, "Daredevil" doesn't even begin to describe it.

All things nature course through her veins and she is truly at peace when digging in the mud, building castles of sand, inspecting insects hiding in the grass, studying animals in the wild or holding a red wiggler from her worm compost bin.

She talks to animals...I mean she actually communicates with them. They trust her, they flock to her and they are comforted by her.  Butterflies have landed on her shoulder. Cats run to her from out of nowhere and fall at her feet. Lizards and grasshoppers have walked out of the bushes across the concrete into her open palm - on more than one occasion. Lady bugs crawl the length of her body until the wind finally carries them away several minutes later. A dragonfly landed on her arm and stayed there long enough for her to show it off to her nature school classmates. Bees like to be near her as she whispers songs to them and asks if she can pick their lavender - and I have never seen so many hummingbirds in my life like I have seen in her presence.

The rain calls to her and she must run through it and catch it in buckets and marvel at the waterfall gushing off of her umbrella as she is standing under a rain gutter.

She appears to be almost reborn in very windy weather and she loves to embrace it face on, laughing wildly, eyes twinkling, arms outstretched as if she were hugging the universe.

If she could dine alfresco under our Paris patio lights every single day of the year she'd be a happy girl.

She cares deeply for her baby brother and is so in-tune with him she could tell me what he was thinking and successfully predicted what he was going to do as a baby from the day he was born.  She also knew he was going to be a boy way before he was born and never once wavered on her "guess."  She was two years old when she made her accurate prediction.  She gave him his nick name when he was one week old and over two years later she still calls him, Bay (short for Baby.)

Although she is her mother's daughter, I am clearly no match for the extreme changes in mood and full throttle pace she insists on living her daily life. There are times where I feel as if I'm dealing with a seasoned hostage negotiator, or a powerful lawyer arguing a high profile case. And don't let her age fool you, she's been able to McGuyver her way out of any sticky situation since she could walk. Many times I have become tangled in the intricate booby-trap of string, ribbon and dangling toys tied to the door handles, light fixtures and bedposts in her room.  We're still trying to figure out who taught her how to tie double knots.

The words, "You can't" are an invitation to prove you wrong.
The word, "No" is merely a stepping stone to the word, "yes."
The words, "Not now" are just road blocks that she crashes through on her way to, "how about now?"
The words, "You CAN do it" will be met with, "But I caaaaaan't"as she flings her body onto the floor to claim her position...unless it was her idea.

She is the princess in the top of the tower because she scaled it's walls and climbed up there herself. However, there is no need to rescue her because she'll either repel down in her make-shift harness or she'll fly down with wings she's fashioned from an old sheet, a hair clip and a belt.

She is the knight and the dragon fighting to the death in the same battle.

She is the life of the party, the party promoter, the party crasher, the party pooper and the cops busting it up - all in the same night.

She is my little Jane Goodall fully immersed in the animal kingdom.

She is my joy, she is my tears, she is my frustration, she is my reflection, she is my laughter, she is my anger, she is my hope, she is my treasure, she is my exhaustion, she is my pride beaming from my chest and the burning lump in my throat as I choke back tears of happiness when I watch her accomplishments and she is the one who will keep me on my toes for the rest of my days.

She is the baby girl who was determined to survive and thrive during a very bad illness I contracted when I was 7 weeks pregnant with her that had us very worried. She is the baby girl who bruised my ribs from the inside from kicking me so hard for weeks on end when I was pregnant with her. She was the baby girl who demanded a grand entrance at birth and came when she was darn good and ready - 5 days late. She is the baby girl who reached up and touched my face within seconds of being born and held it there for the longest time while we both cried looking into each others eyes.

She is my wild horse running free through the morning mist along the sand.
She is the unyielding waves crashing against the rocky shore taking pieces of it with them.
She is my colorful bird soaring high above the earth and then diving straight down into the ocean without a splash.
She is my sea otter pup surfing the waves without any fear.
She is my puppy dog running down the street who broke free from the gate, tongue wagging in the wind, looking back with laughter in her eyes because she knows she'll never be caught and has no plans to return on "The Man's" schedule.

She is the quiet drifting of the clouds in the sky and the thunder rolling in for an unexpected storm all in the same afternoon.

My darling daughter,
Your smile has the wattage of 1000 suns
You have the power of the ocean pumping through your body the entire time you are awake.
The dreams you speak of sound like magical fairy lands with winged unicorns soaring through purple skies and dragons and butterflies all talking to you - the stuff found only in the movies.

You are my dream and my reality. My bright sun and my full moon. My gray skies and my pouring rain, my mud puddles and my rainbow. The sand beneath my feet and the cool waves trickling past my toes. You are my tiger and my lamb. You are the laughter in my ear as you move the hair away from my eyes and the tiny lego I step on at 2am while walking to the bathroom in the dark.

You are my sweet, fiery girl and I love you with every single fiber of my being. Thank you for choosing me to be your mother and for teaching me patience and understanding and how to look at the world through different eyes.


Love,
Mommy

"The best thing you've ever done for me is to help me take my life less seriously. 

It's only life after all."

-Indigo Girls

Listening To The Whispers Of Your Heart. A Letter To My Children.

A letter to my children about turning life's lemons into lemonade and about finding your true passions in life. Listen to your mother and read this when you are feeling down.  Mama loves you.  xo

My precious Kiddie Cats,

When life gives us physical or mental pain to deal with and process and heal from, it also gives us time to reflect on stronger days. During this reflection we have the opportunity to either focus on all of the bad, or choose to scrape past the darkness in order to see the light - even if it takes longer than we'd like. Don't give up. Don't ever give up. We have to believe there is light or else the darkness will become too great and may pull us down deeper forever. 

Very recently, I have started on a journey - a path to positivity. On this journey I will surround myself with the things that fill my heart with deep happiness and great joy. You of course will be there on this journey with me, for your existence in my life is the greatest most magical gift I have ever been given. Without you and daddy, my life is not complete. The quickest way to reach this path for me is through nature. When I'm surrounded by nature and beauty, sunshine and fresh air I feel my soul waking up trying to speak to me. My body feels alive and electric. It's time to block out the noise so I can hear it. I've been stubborn for far too long.

We have the power within us to overcome our set backs and take back the life and the joy that may have left for a while. It is OK to feel sadness when sadness comes. But it is important to seek out the happiness and focus your thoughts and energy into reaching your happiness again. Don't dwell on your sadness. Learn from it. Learn how to deal with it the next time it finds you. Today I spent a little bit of time alone breathing deeply, exhaling the negativity and looking inward as I walked along the ocean shore, toes digging into the sand and enjoying the crisp March water. I've been going to the chiropractor to deal with a recent back injury that has left me needing more help in all areas of our lives for the past month from Grammy and Daddy. When this happens as it has happened before, there is a guilt I can't describe that comes over me because I'm not able to be the mother I want to be physically and mentally - the mother you deserve because my pain is so great. I allowed it to take hold too tightly this time and I apologize for that. I'm learning how to shed the guilt. I'm choosing to look at it differently now and in the future and I'm putting all of my focus on healing, strength and positivity. 

This is what I came away with from my walk in the sunshine. This is my message for you today. I hope you read it when you need comfort and encouragement, support and love. For that is my forever gift to you.  

My children-

Be still and find your joy.

There is greatness to be found in taking the time to stop the daily merry-go-round from whirling so that you can truly focus on your surroundings and find the happiness in the pockets of stillness. 

In stillness comes creativity.

In peacefulness comes contentment. 

In quietness comes discovery.

There is always something to be found when there is nothing.

Discover the joy of nothing.

When we quiet the mind we awaken the soul and are able to hear the whispers of our heart. These heart whispers are the keys to unlock your inner peace and happiness. Once you start listening to the whispers of your heart you will discover the words to the song of your soul for these heart whispers are never wrong, my loves. 

They will never lie to you. 

They are your destiny. 

They are your truth. 

They form the beautiful garden of your life.

They have always been and always will be there. 

So sing your song and let it escape your lips loudly. 

Sing it everyday. 

Sing it every night.

Teach me the words so that I may sing it for you if you feel too weak to sing yourself.

Feel the words.

Breathe the words.

Be the words. 

Do not ever forget the song of your soul and most importantly, do not ever let anyone try to change your song to something they can sing easier or something that they like better. 

For you my child are the only one who hears your own heart whispers so that you can write your own song.

You hold the power to your happiness.

Oh, and don't forget your sunscreen because a life full of happiness is a life full of sunshine. 

Love,

Mommy

*Written by Colleen Duncan Canavan 3-2-13

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Someday: A Poem Inspired By My Toddler

Someday you won't need me to rock you to sleep while I stroke your hair and hum your favorite songs holding you for as long as you need me to because I know this won't last forever.

Someday your tiny body won't feel like a squishy marshmallow.

Someday you won't have that sweet baby smell.

Someday your chin won't be as soft as a baby's bum.

Someday you won't be sucking your thumb and twirling your hair as you gaze into my eyes while I make you laugh and watch your thumb fall out of your mouth.

Someday I won't lift you up to change your diaper and gasp at what a heavy baby you are.

Someday you won't cry when I leave the room and then throw your arms around my neck sobbing into the soft spot between my shoulder and cheek all because you want me to hold you.

Someday you'll be big enough to ride all of the "big kid rides" with sissy.

Someday I won't be the favorite person in your life.

Someday you won't run everywhere you go making your cheeks bounce up and down while you are making silly noises.

Someday you won't stand at sissy's door crying your eyes out because she won't let you in to play Calico Critters.

Someday mommy will let you have an ice cream cone even though daddy already has.

Someday you'll know every word to all of your favorite songs and you'll have lengthy conversations with your friends and we'll no longer marvel at your amazing vocabulary for a 1 & 1/2 year old.

Someday you won't want to hold my hand.

Someday you'll say, "Goodnight mom. Goodnight dad." And you'll walk into your room and go to bed without first needing to read, "Goodnight Moon."

Someday daddy and I will be able to eat dinner and watch a movie without any interruptions.

Someday you won't spontaneously break out into a silly dance while you are eating animal crackers.

Someday you'll stop eating all of your veggies.

Someday you'll be able to cross the street without me holding your hand or carrying you.

Someday you'll be too big for me to carry.

Someday you'll be too heavy for me to pick up.

Someday I'll be able to get rid of the diaper bag, the stroller, the car seats, the Ergo, the crib...

Someday you'll tell me that you fell in love.

Someday you won't cry in the middle of the night and daddy will bring your into our bed where you'll proceed to do downward dogs and then fall on us and jam your head into our ribs and make snow angels until you are taking up almost the entire mattress...at 3am.

Someday you'll jump off of the side of the pool and you won't need us to catch you.

Someday I'll say, "Give mommy a kiss" and instead of reaching up to kiss me you'll say, "Mooooom!  You're embarrassing me!"

Someday you won't need a high chair, a bib, a toddler spoon or a sippy cup.

Someday you and your sister will be mad at us for moving from Kauai.

Someday you won't use your entire hand as a yogurt spoon.

Someday you won't draw all over your body with markers.

Someday you won't find it hilarious to walk around the house with a box on your head while you bump into the walls.

Someday you won't need a night light or a bed time story or a favorite lovie to comfort you.

Someday you'll make yourself something to eat.

Someday you'll complain to me about your own toddler going through the "terrible two's" and I'll smile and think back to this phase of my life and I will laugh because I'll be so far removed from it, it will finally become funny....I look forward to that day.

Someday you'll want daddy to teach you how to ride his shovelhead, and we'll hold our breath as we watch you ride away.

Someday you'll have your own life, your own thoughts, your own ideas, your own worries and someday you won't want our advice.

Someday you won't need me to rock you to sleep while I stroke your hair and hum your favorite songs holding you for as long as you need me to because I know this won't last forever.

******

So today I'll cherish this life we have right now with you being my baby and me being your mommy. I'll cherish the laughter and the tears, the tantrums and the all-nighters, the Houdini-like escapes as I try to change a dirty diaper, the mad dashes down the hall to get a giggling baby into the tub and the naked baby chases after.  I'll cherish every silly whisper you breathe into my ear, every eye poke you give me announcing, "eye!  eye!" and every wet finger in my ear yelling, "ear!  ear!"  I'll continue to marvel when you say things out of the blue like, "5-4-3-2-1 Blast Off!" because you aren't even 2 yet or when you spin in a circle singing, "ashes, ashes..." I'll laugh when you stack all of your toys up on top of each other and when they don't fall over you throw your arms out parallel to the floor and yell, "Taaaa daaaaa!" And above all my heart will continue to melt whenever I see you smile or laugh or run and jump, or say "thank you mommy" when I bring you your "eggy and cheeee" at breakfast, or when you reach for sissy's hand to hold, or say, "ess you mama" when I sneeze or when you keep repeating, "thank you, thank you, thank you!" until I take the thing out of your hand that you no longer want to hold. Because you are my sweet, precious angel baby and I will still love you even when I am no longer walking this earth.

You will forever be my beautiful baby boy with the bright blue eyes and the bouncing blonde curls as you run away from me when I try to kiss you.

Love,
Your mommy



-Colleen Duncan Canavan

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