Top 10 Signs You Have Officially Arrived in Toddlerville

One minute you have a tiny bundle of swaddled joy, and the next minute, that bundle is swinging from the cupboard door. If this sounds familiar to you, either you've already moved here or it's time to pack your bags.

Welcome to Toddlerville! We serve up crazy all day long!
  1. Everything is edible. The shriveled square of cheese in the corner, a Cheerio some other kid left in the shopping cart, cat food, dog poop…
  2. You’re exhausted all day long but have insomnia at 3:45am, and the only thing bouncing around in your brain is a song from The Wiggles.
  3. You have Play-Doh stuck in your hair, finger paint up to your elbows and you just sat in something sticky.
  4. The entire perimeter of your dining room table is engraved with ball point pen, and you can't get mad because it's a “picture of me giving my baby brother a love.”
  5. Tiny little hand prints cover every glass surface you own including the very top of your bathroom-sink mirror - and frankly, you’re afraid to ask about that one.
  6. You have about 25 sippy cups with multiple "leakproof" parts you can never find when you need them, and they all leak.
  7. With your eyes closed, you can recite the words to Goodnight Moon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Pat the Bunny.
  8. Everything is a toy. The half-empty dog dish covered in slobber, your cell phone with recent calls to China, your dirty flip flop that's moonlighting as a teether and a box of condoms you keep in “the drawer.”
  9. You once thought of bubbles and chalk as a quiet backyard activity. Now you know it means mixing them into a paste and applying it as a face mask on the dog.
  10. No matter how many fresh veggies, whole grains and "green things" your child ate as a baby, you now live in the world of "beige food": chicken nuggets, chicken fingers, chicken fries, macaroni and cheese, tater tots, enough bread to choke a small horse, noodles with butter, cheese pizza (if you can leave off the sauce that would be awesome), applesauce and corn (Toddlerdom’s approved fruits and veggies) and corn-dog bites, because if you don't remove the stick, it will be used as a weapon against the baby and big sister. The only colorful thing is the milk. It now comes in pink and brown.

How about you? Are we there yet? Or are you still living over on Sweet Baby Lane?

Modern Dad Pages

*This was originally posted on November 9, 2011 for mom365 where I landed my first gig as freelance writer for mom's blogs. Click here to read more of my Top Ten Lists on Mom365.

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  1. Comments from friends at Mom365:

    GABBY says:


  2. Comments from friends at Mom365:

    Rita says:

    I thought I'd have to read a book for a discovery like this!

  3. Comments from friends at Mom365:

    carolee says:

    Almost my life to a T!!! My little one is an artist with whatever writing utensil she can find. She likes most writing on herself though my walls have been drawn on. Good luck to all mommys out there!!!

  4. We are luckily still on sweet baby lane and have all of these things to look forward to.

    1. Girl, enjoy that sweet baby! Once they start walking it's a game changer for sure! Haha! Toddlers keep you on your toes but they are so much fun too! Thank you for commenting!

  5. Sounds like my life too! I have to hoover most days because if not he'll start scrapping around on the carpet for something. And I just love to clean my windows for him to put his big chocolatey handprint straight on it! You can never win.. and I'm about to get double trouble too! 2 weeks to go until baby number two is here #mummymonday x

  6. hahaha this is brilliant. This is the world that we are just entering & we can't believe how crazily quick the transition from baby to toddler has happened. Two months ago we had an under one who was a complete delight. Now we're having to put rules & regulations in for our little personality & her stubborn, determined ways! :-D x

  7. I'm slap bang right in the middle of toddlerville! Save me know lol #wineandboobs

  8. I live in Toddler Nation! It was so much easier when they were babies!!! Now they have attitudes and they can walk!!! Great post!

  9. Great post, ideal for #toddlerapprovedtuesday

    Thanks so much for sharing with us! Leandra & Becky xx

  10. Loved this post :) sounds familiar hmmmm! The bit about the sippy cups raised my anxiety level lol as I remember that all to well lol :) Thank you so much for linking on #wineandboobs


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