(Trigger Warning) To The Teenage Girl Who Got Punched In The Face By Her Boyfriend After Trying To Break Up With Him

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here's how you can learn more, give help and get help. 

To The Teenage Girl Who Got Punched In The Face By Her Boyfriend After Trying To Break Up With Him

You matter.

You do not deserve to be punched in the face by anyone, let alone by someone who claimed to love you - someone you loved in return and trusted to keep you safe from harm.

You should not feel bullied to stay with a boy or any man or woman for that matter, who is aggressive toward you, who threatens you, who makes you feel unsafe, who makes you feel less than your worth, who belittles you, who bullies you, who frightens you, who calls you terrible names (cunt, bitch, whore, slut, stupid, worthless idiot ARE terrible names), who picks fights with you just for the sake of fighting, who makes you feel like you are walking on egg shells around him all the time, who makes you afraid to make him angry, who keeps you from seeing or talking to your family and friends, who slaps you, who pushes you, who pinches you, who flinches at you in an aggressive way like he's going to punch you but doesn't - this time. 

Abuse is not just physical. It can be mental, emotional, sexual-

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I heard your cries for help (it still sends a chill down my spine) and watched him storm off in anger and I rushed to you. We don't know each other, yet immediately my hand went to your shoulder as you sat in your car to try to comfort you - wanting to hug you and not let go. Once I knew you were safe and that police were on the way the words just flew out of my mouth without a filter - even though it wasn't my place to give my opinion since I don't know you or your situation.

"I'm so sorry he hit you. You are worth so much. You are a strong, beautiful girl and you do not deserve this. No matter what happened or what you are fighting about, you do not deserve to be punched in the face." 

I learned that he punched you and threw you on the ground a few days before when you tried to break up with him. Him punching you just now was a result of you breaking up with him for good. 

"Your boyfriend needs help, I said, and you are not the one who is responsible for getting him that help. He needs to get help himself." 

I couldn't stop the words from coming out - tears starting to build up behind my eyes even though I was trying the hardest I ever have to hold them back to stay strong while you cried. You got out of your car to hug me as I told you I was staying until police came. 

"Don't ever be with anyone who treats you like that. You deserve so much. Much more than he is capable of giving you."

The police came right away, I hugged you again and told you my name and where I lived. "I'm here for you. You're not alone." 


I gave the police my statement about what I saw and where he went and what he was wearing then rushed to pick my daughter up from school, as I knew she would most likely be playing on the playground waiting for me to get there. I also made the decision to tell my children small details of what happened. I was visibly upset when I got to the playground and my 5 & 1/2 year old and toddler were in the car as I rushed out to help her. He saw all of the police cars and saw that I was hugging a crying stranger. I had to tell him what was going on - only an edited version appropriate for a small child. This was real life happening right before his eyes. We shelter so much of what they see on TV, movies, video games and anything online, yet he saw the aftermath of a domestic violence situation - something he never even knew existed since he comes from a loving family who uses words as opposed to physical violence to solve problems. From the car you could see the goose-egg sized red welt popping out of her cheek. There was no avoiding some sort of conversation. 

"That girl I was hugging had a boyfriend who wasn't nice to her so she didn't want to be friends with him anymore. She is allowed to do that, just as you are allowed to do that if someone isn't being nice to you or treating you with love and respect. And when she said she didn't want to be friends with him anymore and that she didn't want to ever see him again he got so mad he hit her.  In the face?" He asked, noticing her face. "Yes." I said, knowing how horrible that must sound. "We're not allowed to hit anyone at school. You'd get in BIG trouble if you hit someone in the face. He shouldn't have hit her. You don't hit people. That's really bad." 

My son is in kindergarten and he already gets it.

That started the dialogue with my children who are 8 1/2  and almost 6 years old. A dialogue that had a strong emphasis on being brave and strong and standing up to bullies, protecting and helping those who need our help, not ever letting a boyfriend, a girlfriend, (and someday) a husband or wife, a stranger or even a friend or family member treat you with anything other than love, respect, honor and care. A dialogue that will continue in order to educate and empower them.

How do you know if you are in an abusive relationship (of any kind):

“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.” 
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?
Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you?
Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did?
Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you?
Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you?
Has he ever threatened to hurt you?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.” 
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

To find more inspiring quotes on GoodReads about domestic violence and by survivors of domestic violence click here. 

How do I get help for myself or someone I know who is being abused?

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline http://www.thehotline.org/ 
or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224 if you feel that your computer history is being monitored. You can always log into a computer for free at your local public library.  Create a fake yahoo or gmail account if you have to. Just get help!


October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here's how you can learn more, give help and get help. (Click HERE)


Help a stranger. Help a loved one. Help yourself. You deserve more.

Image found online and being used for educational purposes only. I do not own this picture. If it belongs to you please contact me so I can give you credit. If you would like me to remove it please contact me and I will remove it. Thank you. 

Image found online and being used for educational purposes only. I do not own this picture. If it belongs to you please contact me so I can give you credit. If you would like me to remove it please contact me and I will remove it. Thank you. 

Help a stranger. Help a loved one. Help yourself. You deserve more.

Back To School: 5 Healthy Ideas For Lunches And After School Snacks

For some reason the hours between lunch and dinner make my kids crazy with hunger! I call it the late day feast. I'm always looking for ways to get my kids to eat more veggies and healthier foods, so the late day feast is the perfect time to sneak these things in because frankly, they will eat anything!  Especially if you just casually set it out on the table for them to run by and grab a quick bite of something. In our house we call these "hummingbird bites," because they are too busy to sit for a meal but we need them to eat so they just fly by and grab a bite and get back to playing. The meal gets eaten eventually and they get to keep playing. If it's something messy we will usually hold it while they take a bite or they will use a fork. This only works if you are not in a rush to get out the door and you have more freedom with time.

We are fortunate to live near large grocery stores like Mother's Market, Trader Joe's and Sprouts that offer great deals and sales on organic produce. I try to buy most of my fresh produce from the organic section, so whatever is on sale or special is usually what I'll buy.

Here are some different ideas for lunches or after school snacks. This is a list of stuff my kids will actually eat. They are 7 and 4 & 1/2. My little guy hasn't always loved eating a wide variety of fruits and veggies and for a few years was stuck in a rut of only carrots, corn, apples, blueberries and red grapes. However, I kept offering different things to him and would also set out veggie platters with a wide array of colorful options that would get eaten quickly by sissy if you didn't act fast! My daughter has always eaten like a rabbit sneaking into a farm! I mean, as a 5 year old she was munching on Brussels sprouts and asparagus! 

After many colorful veggie platter presentations with an array of different dips like ranch, creamy cilantro dressing and hummus, he finally started trying new things. So don't give up if your child doesn't like something. Keep offering it! Someday they might just surprise you and try it! 

1. The Veggie Platter. 

You're probably rolling your eyes at this one, and trust me, before I saw it with my own eyes I would too. But think back to your child at an adult party or a holiday dinner. There is bound to be a veggie platter there with different dips and your child is bound to be drawn to something on there. So start with serving that! Our veggie platters vary from meal to meal with whatever I have on hand, but I suggest stocking it with stuff your kids like for the first few times you set it out then slowly add in a few new items for them to explore on their own. If they ask what it is, just casually tell them the name of it, reach over and eat one (make yummy noises) and walk away. If you make a big deal out of it, they won't eat it! Things to add to the veggie (and fruit) platter: carrots, cherry tomatoes (these ones are from our garden!), cucumber, celery (I slice it very small into "shoelaces" as seen in the picture, because it can be pretty strong), mini corn cobs, olives, sweet bell pepper slices, small romaine lettuce chutes with ranch dip, jicama slices, even some veggies that are lightly blanched like: broccoli, green beans and asparagus spears. If your kids are really having a hard time eating only veggies you can add in a bit of fruit like apples and grapes, but I recommend not adding in too much fruit because it's so much sweeter than the veggies and they might just eat the fruit and leave the veggies to die on the plate! To mix things up a bit in the veggie department, I'll even make a fresh pressed juice (adding more veggies than fruit to avoid too much sugar) and that seems to keep the troops pretty full til the next meal too.

2. Fresh Organic Fruit. I like to have some things on hand that are already ready to eat like pineapple spears, cut melon like watermelon, honeydew, etc., cuties (the little clementine oranges), fruit cups (in water if possible, to avoid too much extra sugar), apple slices or apple sauce, berries, bananas, etc.

  

3. Healthy carbs. Everyone needs carbohydrates to help with proper brain function but empty carbs aren't going to help anyone, so opt for healthier ones with whole grains like rice cakes and whole grain crackers. We also like unsalted pretzels, snap pea crisps, whole grain chips and salsa, etc. My kids love rice cakes and they now come in a variety of different flavors. We usually stick to brown rice, light salted with sea salt. We love this brand by Lundberg and can find them at Trader Joe's, Sprouts, Mother's Market, Von's/Pavilions, etc. They have so many products I'd love to try them all!  These organic, non-GMO rice cakes are by far my favorite!


4. Healthy Protein. Pair your healthy carbs, fruits & veggies with healthy proteins like hard boiled eggs, lean lunch meats, tuna salad, egg salad, chicken salad (easy chicken salad recipe found here), cottage cheese, low sugar yogurt, sliced cheese or cheese sticks, sea weed snacks, organic nut butters like, peanut (we love apples and peanut butter together!), almond butter or our new favorite, Honey Sunflower Butter from Wild Friends!  It's super yummy and the kids love it! They have other products too that I'll have to try. We found this at Costco. I'm eating it right now, in fact, on top of a rice cake!  Yum!

 

5. Kid Sized Sandwiches And Snacks. I have learned as a mom that my kids will try almost anything if it's cut cute and small. So in addition to these snacks I also like to do mini egg salad sandwiches, cucumber with cream cheese, peanut butter & jelly, tiny ham & cheese or turkey & cheese (both with pickles, of course!) or chicken salad sandwiches on whole grain bread (kinda like what you'd find at a fancy afternoon tea). We also keep on hand plenty of healthy trail mix made with unsalted nuts and unsalted pretzels, sesame sticks, dried fruit like cranberries or cherries, banana chips or plantain chips, popcorn, with yogurt chips for a little something sweet added in and I'll serve it in a small dixie cup to eat on the go! We also make mini banana or apple muffins with flax seed, chia or sliced almonds. Anything healthy to keep them full til the next meal!

What are your favorite healthy snacks?  Please let us know in the comments below!

My kids were making "sandwiches" with rice cakes, sea weed snacks and veggies. 

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*The products I'm featuring in this post are just some of my family's favorites. I was not asked to advertise for them. 

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Parenting Advice: Letting Some Things Slide

When you are pregnant with baby #1 you buy all of these super cute baby clothes thinking that you'll be spending most of your day parading them around in super cute outfits. In reality, (if you even get out of the house at all in the first 3 months other than to go to midwife appointments/doc appointments) you probably don't make it out of the house in the first outfit you chose because chances are they have pooped it up before you leave.

This was my first parenting lesson in letting things like super cute baby outfits slide.

(Tip: If I really wanted them to wear something specific for a holiday or a picture or something I'd take the outfit with me and change them into it right before the event. It's still not a guarantee though.) 

When your child is a small baby you still have complete control over what they wear out in public and if you're doing it right, you give up control the minute your child expresses any interest in what they want to wear. I feel very strongly about this because it is so important for children to learn how to be creative and independent and when you are that young it starts with clothing and the toys you choose play with.

When my daughter was a young toddler (just after a year old) she started going into her drawer and picking out different pieces to wear. I always let her wear whatever she wanted to wear. Since I picked them out in the store I didn't really have any exceptions unless the weather really didn't allow for the outfit. If we were just going to be playing in the backyard and she wanted to wear head-to-toe snow gear and it was an 85 degree day outside, I still let her because we could walk back in at any time. I did however, let her know it was pretty hot outside and that she might be more comfortable in something cooler, but then I left it up to her to make her own decisions about her comfort level. If we were going out somewhere and she wanted to wear something that would be in conflict with the weather I tried a little harder to help her change her mind, but if she was really set on something specific* I always took an extra outfit of my choosing with us in case we needed to change. If she did want to change I made a point to not say anything like,"see I told you you'd be too hot/cold! You should have listened to me in the first place!" Because who really wants to be talked to like that?  I can't think of anyone. But also, I left it up to her to come to that conclusion herself.

My Child:"It's way too hot for that coat, Mama!" 
Me: (Wiping sweat off my face)"You're right!  What should you wear instead?"

If she wanted to wear a fancy dress and shiny shoes to go to Target or Trader Joe's, I always let her. I started keeping the clothing that was reserved for fancy holiday events (and out of season) up out of sight until the event so it would stay nice and clean. After the event it was fair game to wear whenever. I realized all too quickly that you usually only get one season out of anything a child wears because they grow so fast, so why not just let them wear it.

You are only a kid once. Let them enjoy it!

When she was about 2 1/2 to 3 years old she went through this phase of wanting to wear a solid color head-to-toe. So for instance she would pick green one day. She wanted to wear a green shirt, green pants, green socks, green shoes and a green headband to preschool (all various shades of green, of course.) I let her despite the fact that she looked like she was wearing her jammies. Who cares?  When you are a child you can totally get away with wearing something like that. The next day she wore all white. She looked like a tiny nurse. It was adorable. Toddlers are very much into putting things in groups, lining things up, putting them in categories - this is how they learn. Clothing isn't any different. As toddlers both of my kids would line toys up or stack them up one by one. It's the same thing with clothing and wanting to wear all one color. By letting them pick and wear their own clothing creations you are giving them the freedom to create and the chance to learn.

My daughter is in kindergarten now and she still picks her own clothes almost everyday. It's hardly ever a combo I would put together but that doesn't mean for one second that I could do it better. She creates some cute outfits. She's been picking her own clothes without too much influence from me since she was about 16 months old. If I set something out she might put half of it on, but then choose something totally different for the other half. I have always stocked her closet and drawers with very bright colors and patterns. Almost everything I buy her is comfortable to play in, paint in, dig in the dirt in and be free to be a kid in. This is incredibly important. In order for kids to thrive and fully experience their world as a child they must have clothing that will allow them the freedom to play and explore without the fear of getting too dirty.

I volunteered a lot in preschool, pre-K and now in kindergarten and every single day there are a few kids who have come to school so perfectly well groomed and meticulous and looking very reminiscent of a mini adult and they are afraid to play. I can't tell you how many times I have heard a child say, "My mom told me I can't get dirty", or "My mom told me not to take off my (scarf/headband/hair bows/button down shirt/bow tie/ neck tie/etc.,) so it won't get lost." But it keeps them from playing so they just sit out of the activity.  It makes me really sad to be honest. If a child can't get dirty playing with kids at school, when can they?  

A little girl in pre-K who looked like she just stepped out of a magazine ad everyday told the teacher that she "wasn't allowed to do any of the finger painting because her mom didn't want her to ruin her clothes, even with a painting smock." And don't get me wrong, she looked adorable - for a family photo shoot, but it wasn't appropriate for a 4 year old to be dressed like that for school because it didn't allow her to play.  She said that her mom told her that the painting smocks have paint on them so she can't use them either. I don't blame the mom for not wanting to ruin the clothes because they looked very expensive, but keep them for a photo shoot or fancy holiday dinner or something. Even then, the child shouldn't live in fear of being a child and possibly getting dirty. It's not fair to have these high expectations of them. 

So instead of being a typical kid and playing, this little girl with the perfect outfit sat on the bench and watched the other kids play so she could stay clean. 

She couldn't dig in the sand box because she said her shoes were brand new and her mom didn't want them sandy. She couldn't ride the big wheels or tricycles because she had too many frills and layers on her skirt and they would get caught in the wheels and rip. She didn't want to run around and play tag because all of her layers made her too hot and sweaty to run and her fancy slip-on, clacky shoes made her feet hurt and they would slip off if she ran. That sounded like punishment to me. And for what?  For the parents to have an image of a perfectly groomed child?

This is a true story and I witnessed her having to obsess about her outfit every time I saw her. I felt really bad for her and I wanted to tell her mom she was doing a disservice to her child by making her an outcast by not letting her feel free to play like a child because she needed to look perfect everyday, but you can't say these things, of course. I asked her child one day if she had any play clothes and she asked, "what are those?" "They are clothes you can play in and it's ok for them to get dirty." She said, "Oh no, my mom doesn't like me to get dirty in my clothes."  Not that every child has to "get dirty", but they should have the freedom to play in a way that is age appropriate.

So now we're in kindergarten and my child wears every color in the rainbow in one outfit. I have had parents come up to tell me how cute my daughter looks everyday in all of her bright colors and mismatched socks. I make sure to tell them that she picks everything out everyday and that I can't take credit for her unique, colorful style. It's funny because I had a conversation with a mom the other day as we were dropping our girls off at kindergarten. She was telling me how her daughter always wants to pick her own clothes and she said, "I hate it when she wants to do that because she never picks things that I want her to wear and it's always mismatched colors and patterns and I'm like, you are not going out of the house like that, and then we have a big fight about it!" My first thought was, "Why not she's 5? Who cares? You need to pick and choose your battles and that isn't one of them." But I didn't say anything because I could tell she had more to say about it. Then she said, "Her combos are ridiculous. I'm not going to let her wear a striped shirt with a polka dot skirt and argyle socks! What are the other moms going to think if I let her go to school like that?" 

I laughed as I looked over at my own child laughing and running like a wild woman in the kindergarten yard with her friends because what was she wearing?  A purple skirt with bright rainbow hearts all over it, lime green short leggings underneath, a t-shirt with muted, pastel pink, purple and white stripes, one hot pink sock, one bright yellow sock (both from the same set of a 6-pack of socks), turquoise shoes and leg warmers (Baby Legs) pulled up to the ends of her shorts that were cream colored with brown, pink and white argyle. Oh and a hair bow that was hot pink and bright turquoise cheetah print.

I couldn't make that up if I tried!

It was a proud moment for me as a mom who has decided to give up complete control over what my very artistic, very creative child chooses to wear. She looked exactly like a 5 year old kid who picked her own clothes and I'm 100% OK with that!

Click here to read more Back To School posts! 

Thanks for reading and thanks for being a friend of MyTalesFromTheCrib!  Come say "Hi" on Twitter!  However, I'm no longer on Facebook and here's why: 

Why I Deleted Facebook The Day My Child Started Kindergarten

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Back To School Tips From One Organized Mama: The Family Command Center

There is a saying that goes for writers, "write what you know." In this case I'm writing about what I'd like to know and what I've been learning from doing research on this segment called, Calling All Organized Moms! Please Share Your Secrets!  I'm not going to lie to you, I've never been accused of being organized. Sure there have been times in my life and certain instances where I have been organized, even really organized - but as a mom in general there is a lot I still need to learn. However, I'm totally willing to learn. That is the first step!

I've received many emails and messages about the various methods moms' use to organize their household and for my first featured post on Organized Mamas, I'm super proud and excited to share with you one of the most organized mom's I know - our cousin, Jenn who is One Organized Mama! She is the wife of my husband's cousin, James and I've seen her mad organizing skillz first hand, so it was no question that I wanted to ask her to please, please, PLEASE fill us in on her secrets. Luckily for us, she was happy to!

Jenn has some really great tips for getting your house ready for the onslaught of papers, books, toys, shoes, backpacks, lunch boxes, playdates and school activities that come from every day life with kids, but especially when your kids are going back to school.

Meet Jenn -

Clean up after yourself. 

House elves don't work here.

Hi, my name is Jenn and I am a list making, calender keeping, post-it note sticking, red pen checker kinda gal! I am a total nut when it comes to having a calendar and list in every room and I have to make them every week and review them every morning - especially during the school year. With both girls in school, one in girl scouts, cheer and language club, plus playdates, grocery shopping, errands and various appointments, I needed to get it all together.

Home Is Where The Heart Is.

I am a stay-at-home mom to two awesome little girls - very busy little girls! Lillian is six years old and Madelyn is three and a half. My Hubby works in the Country Club/Restaurant Industry and just when I think I understand his schedule, club season changes, weddings are booked, events are planned and it becomes crazy at his place of business - so long story short he typically gets one day off a week. I try not to complain because during the summer he is usually home a lot more and well, he loves what he does and it allows me to stay home and focus on what is important... our girls. 

Jenn has a few signs in her house to remind her and her family about the important things in life. 

Always Remember To:

• Count Your Blessings
• Live Simply
• Dream Big
• Be Grateful
• Give Love
• Give Lots
• Laugh Lots

How can you get away from all of the daily tasks needed to run a busy family household and still Live Simply? 

Hold tight because Jenn has some great tips for you:

The Family Command Center

I felt so overwhelmed with all of my various lists and calendars in different rooms so I knew I needed to consolidate everything to one location in order to be efficient in my organization. Thanks to Pinterest I got some great ideas on a Family Command Center!

Picture taken by Jenn H. -  Family Command Center - My Tales From The Crib - 2013  

... so this is my FCC which is my new favorite area of our house! Not only is it a monthly and weekly organizer, the girls have their shoes, toys, library and school backpacks all in one place. My Hubby has given me an official title ...other than Mom of course, I am now the "House Manager" (heeheehee!!)

Picture taken by Jenn H. -  Family Command Center - My Tales From The Crib - 2013  

Not only can the Hubby see whats going on at a glance, he can add things to the calendar too like date nights, nights he might be home early and even days he has off. The girls love it too! 

Picture taken by Jenn H. -  Family Command Center - My Tales From The Crib - 2013  

I was so tired of collecting shoes after everyone went to bed I decided to put in a shoe rack and let me tell you I have not seen a missing shoe for the past few months! Even the Hubby and I put our shoes there when we come in from the garage. 

Which saves us time getting out the door in the morning.

Picture taken by Jenn H. -  Family Command Center - My Tales From The Crib - 2013 

My favorite part of the Family Command Center is probably the labeled baskets. One for each girl! After they go to bed I spend barely 10 minutes collecting all of the toys off the floor and I throw everything in their own basket. When they do their chores the next day it is their responsibility to clean out their own basket and put everything back where it belongs. 

Remembering What Is Important

The Family Rules:

• Keep your promises
• Share
• Think of others before yourself
• Say, "I love you"
• Listen to your parents
• Do your best
• Say, "please" and "thank you"
• Always tell the truth
• Laugh at yourself
• Hug often
• Use kind words
• Love each other

Anyone can learn to be more organized and make a Family Command Center that fits your family's needs and personal style. You can see from the picture below that you don't even need that much space to accomplish your own FCC.

Picture taken by Jenn H. -  Family Command Center - My Tales From The Crib - 2013 
Way to make your small spaces count, Jenn!  

Getting Organized Doesn't Have To Go Over The Monthly Budget Either!

Before you hit your favorite department store, look around your house to find things you already own to use in your Family Command Center like bins, hooks, dry erase boards, etc. I used an old shoe rack we already owned and I found cheap frames and scrapbooking paper in the clearance isle. Check your dollar stores, discounted stores and clearance isles for cute items that are very useful and very inexpensive. I bought the Family Rules plaque at Marshall's for only $4.00! The baskets were the most expensive purchase at $6.00 a piece at World Market and I found the little chalkboards for just over $1.00 there too. I hope to replace my dry erase calendar with a trendy chalk board or framed dry erase board someday but for now what I have works great!

Good luck with organizing!!

We appreciate all of your great organizing tips, Jenn! I've started using your tips and tricks in my own house and we've already seen an improvement! Are you an Organized Mom and would like to share your tips?  Click here to see how your ideas can be featured on our blog or if you have a just few tried and true tips that help you get through the day/week we'll take those too!




Can't think of anything specific?  We're looking for organizing tips on:

• Creating a weekly/monthly menu
• Tips on cheap, easy, cute and yummy school lunches
• Homeschooling: Getting/staying on task!
• Creating a monthly family budget
• Tricks on tackling laundry/dishes/bills/toys, etc.
• Tricks on tackling a stubborn area in your house: closets/garage/toy room/family room, etc. 
• Simple ways to go green and help save the Earth.
• What do you need tips on??  Please share.

Thanks for sharing!  Was this helpful?  Let us know below!  

Click here to read more Back To School posts! 

To read more from My Tales From The Crib click here.

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To follow me on Pinterest click here. 

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Why I'm Deleting Facebook The Day My Child Starts Kindergarten

Once upon a time there was a site called Friendster. Friendster was unique being the first social networking site. We thought we had struck gold. It was pretty cool because you could see all of your friends in one spot - online!  All hours of the day! Without having to send an email!

Soon Friendster had some friendly competition when along came Myspace. Everyone flocked to Myspace like he was the first guy in 10th grade who had his license and a car! It was hip. It was cool. All of your friends were there, all of their friends were there, you could post pictures, meet all sorts of new people from your friend's friends, you could discover cool music. It was like a college frat party on the internet.

Myspace got kinda big for it's britches and thought it was untouchable. Then I got a message on Myspace from a friend of mine who said, "You should try this new site called Facebook. You have to use your real name so it's not all overcrowded with a bunch of posers using fake names and made up profiles. It's just like hanging out in real life and it's so much better than Myspace!" 

The End.

It was 2004. I wasn't married. I had not even met my husband yet. I was living in Los Angeles waiting tables at a snobby French restaurant pursuing acting and writing and I had all the time in the world to be on a social networking site.

Fast forward to 2013. I've moved 7 times since 2004. I became a very busy Pilates Instructor at a fancy studio in WeHo (West Hollywood). I got engaged. I got married. We moved across the Pacific Ocean to Kauai one month after our wedding. We bought a house (my first house and our first house together.) We celebrated our one year anniversary on Maui. We got pregnant. We had a baby. The economy crashed and millions of people across the country were out of work and loosing their houses. We lost the house - our first house. All three of us moved back across the Pacific Ocean to become mainlanders once again. We started over from scratch. We saved every penny and ate 99 cent mac and cheese. We bought a brand new car that was safe for our growing family (a minivan). We had another baby (this baby was born in a warm pool of water in our house caught by me.) My husband got his dream job. We moved again (lucky #7) this time we were looking for things like parks near the house and a good school district with an elementary school that was walking distance from our house even though it seemed like years and years away that we'd be starting school...and now our first born is starting kindergarten in two days!

I've been on FB (off and on) for 8 years. EIGHT YEARS!  It's hard to believe that I have lived this entire adult (family) life yet before it all even started I was on Facebook. I feel like I've been a mom forever and that I have been married forever...but it's still not as long as I have been on Facebook. That is mind boggling to me that this social networking site has been in my life longer than my husband or my children. This actually does not sit easy with me. I have had a love/hate relationship with facebook for many years, yet I'm still here. Why is that?

I left in 2009 and wrote this which basically started this mom's blog.

This was when I really realized that Facebook doesn't care about it's users at all because it was making changes that was limiting your privacy more and more...yet I stayed there...

I wrote a post here 2 years after I left the first time talking about how negative I feel Facebook has become.

I've gone Screen Free a few different times just to take a break from the time suck that is Facebook and to make more of an effort to get back to what is important.

I even wrote this a few days ago which I consider to be my rock bottom in my Facebook addiction.

This is a lot of time and energy spent on this thing called social networking. It's become a person in my life who can be just as demanding as a toddler. Back in the day when it first started there wasn't a real time ticker tape of what people were doing constantly. Remember when we were all protesting that?  Smart phones were not invented yet (IKR?) so if you wanted to post a pic or check in on what your friends were doing you had to be sitting at your computer. (This was pre laptop for me, so I was actually at my computer desk that was plugged into the wall.)   This is like ancient Egyptian messages scribbled in a cave compared to what we have now.

And now it's too much. Too many alerts, too many notifications, too many ads. Remember when there weren't any ads? I feel as if Facebook has caused me to have ADD. Life is forced to evolve with technology and technology is moving faster than it takes to make a handcrafted caramel cappuccino these days. The more technology we accumulate that pulls us away from real life the less we are living life in the moment. The less we are stopping to smell the roses. The less we are making real connections with real people in the flesh.

I'm not going to go on and on about how negative I think Facebook has become or that it has taken over my life in certain ways because I am now thinking about things on Facebook while I'm doing mundane tasks like washing dishes and folding laundry, taking a shower, sitting in traffic. Those used to be the times where I'd dream up new characters of a story I wanted to write, or what music would go with what scene in a screenplay I was writing or even thinking about my To Do list, shopping list or Bucket List. I'd come up with the perfect one liner or a funny scenario I wanted to remember so I'd scramble for my notebook before the thought left my brain. Time spent dreaming the day away is hard to find when you are a stay at home mom to two little ones. Now I'm spending those free precious daydreaming moments mulling over a negative post, comment or something someone said on a parenting page or mom's message board. Or I'm thinking about how guilty I feel for not doing the new parenting "thing," technique, philosophy, or Pinteresty craft/recipe, that everybody else on Facebook is doing posting about.

That brings me to another point (that I won't be going over in this blog post) about why I'm leaving Facebook. This was one of the things we brought up last night in my yoga class when I talked about deleting my Facebook account the day my daughter was going to start kindergarten. We were all in agreement about how a lot of people present themselves and their kids on Facebook in only a positive light in order to avoid judgment. Facebook posts do not equate to real life happenings. Facebook posts are the clean house before company comes over, the clean house before the housekeeper comes over, and the staged area you prep free of dirty dishes, dirty laundry and a cluttered floor before you take a picture of the kids that you are planning to post to Facebook. Facebook posts are the couches and coffee tables in the front room that is there only for when company comes over. You don't actually get to sit on them. They are the fancy ones we save for good. Facebook posts are the clothes you wear to church, the party dress with the frilly socks you can't play in and the shinny black shoes you wear for weddings or family pictures. They are the pumped up resume you write for a new job and the exaggerated essay you write to get into your dream school. Facebook posts are the holiday letters we send to all of our friends and family to inform them about how amazing our lives are, all of the wonderful vacations we took during the year, all of our children's school and sports victories, the milestones our babies are hitting way ahead of schedule of course, and the promotions we're getting at work. Except the difference with holiday cards is, we expect to only hear the good things from everyone because it's once a year, it's Christmas and it's cheery. But Facebook posts occur daily, even several times a day from tens to hundreds of our friends and pages we've liked all hours of the day.

So several times a day we are reminded about what we are not doing. We are reminded about what our kids are not doing, what our husbands are not doing, the crafty homemade birthday party we did not throw for our child, the amazing gourmet dinner we didn't make for Thanksgiving using only organic foods grown in our garden - basically what our lives don't look like in comparison to the rest of the hundreds of thousands of posts and comments we are reading at any given moment.

Just like the media is making young girls think they are fat and that young boys need to be super macho and excel at every sport or else they have no value in society or how there is an entire generation of pre-teens/teenagers and young adults who think that "being famous" is an adult aspiration and getting your own reality show is somehow a job - Facebook is making us feel like we are not enough and not doing enough in our career, in our lives and in our children's lives. It's not based in reality at all.

Before it sounds like I'm getting all high and mighty I want to say that just like the rest of the world, I'm guilty of this too. I don't post pictures of my messy house, or about how I was just yelling at my child to finish her homework. (The homework that was assigned to be turned in on the first day of school - to be completed during summer vacation. Did I mention she is 5 and is going into kindergarten???!!!) Are we expecting too much too young from our small children? Another post for another time. 

I'm not saying that every post is like this from every person every day. I have a good friend, Leah who is always posting something interesting like bands playing, local street festivals happening, new restaurants opening. And she actually goes to these things!  My cousin Kelly is always posting cute funny, light hearted things she is doing and seeing throughout the day and considering she is a big kid at heart it always gives me a laugh. And many other positive things and positive people are happening on my page so I'm certainly not saying that all things give off negative energy all the time. Not all posts create anxiety like you're not measuring up, but many of them do. Even the happy, positive ones. And we have to ask ourselves, how healthy is Facebook on our psyche?  I'm sure I'm not the only one mulling over facebook posts while I'm cooking dinner, or feeling defensive from a comment someone wrote in response to a parenting or birthing choice I made for my family that differs from the norm on a mom's message board, or checking my notifications before my eyes even totally open in the morning because I can do it from my smart phone.

But like I said at the beginning of this post, I'm not going to talk about all that.  (wink)

So, I've decided to take a journey along with my daughter starting the day she starts kindergarten. It will be a day of new beginnings, new transitions, new routines, new people coming into our lives. It seems like the perfect time to say goodbye to old ways, old habits, old insecurities, old time sucking addictions. It's time to shed the negativity and welcome new changes.

Eight years is long enough to have a love/hate relationship with someone or something. Eight years is long enough to have a frenemy. Eight years is long enough to feel obligated to certain aspects of my Facebook life including my friends list. That is a lot of wasted time. I don't even want to try to add up what that looks like in hours. In eight years I could've become fluent in a couple of languages, written the great American novel or two, learned how to play the guitar and the piano, written a movie, made little movies from all of our videos and pictures for the kids to watch, written more children's books, heck I could've gotten a PhD! (All things on my Bucket List by the way...except for getting a PhD, and all things can be completed during the hours one is usually on Facebook.)

Editors Note: In 8 years I could've learned basic math since it's actually been 9 years. 

It's time to start a new chapter of my life, of our lives. One without the constant pull of social media tugging at my brain while I'm trying to clean the house or do some freelance writing or while I'm playing with my kids, trying to get out of the house or trying to do anything that is not checking Facebook. It's time to explore what life would be like at a slower pace - like my life as a child.

Another reason why I'm deleting my Facebook account the day my daughter starts kindergarten besides wanting to be more present and in the moment with my life, is that everyone I know with older kids tells me how fast it all goes. In the blink of an eye your child is born after what feels like a million years pregnant, then all of a sudden it's their first birthday. After that they are off to preschool, you blink again and you are registering for kindergarten. Next time you blink they are off to middle school. You turn your head for a second and they have taken the car keys. Next thing you know you are applying for colleges and sending out graduation announcements and then bang!  Off to college or off to bootcamp or off to start a new career, get married, start a family and then you are in a store buying baby onesies for your first grandchild.

The days are long but the years are short. 

Life is short and when you have children you get to see first hand just how fast it really goes. Better get on it!  Better make it count. Better not waste the minutes that turn into hours and days and years.

Like Red* says, "Get busy living or get busy dying."

I'm excited!  I'm not stressed out like I was for Screen Free Week because I'm approaching this in a different way. I'm not "going on a diet," I'm making healthier food choices that will affect my life in a positive way. I will still be blogging here as much as I can and sending them out into the universe via twitter if you'd like to follow me there. I'm also assuming that I'll be back on Facebook at some point along this journey. However, there is a part of me that is pulling for the scenario that I don't come back, that I will no longer need it, that I get my fill by reconnecting with my friends and loved ones using old school methods and no longer feel the need to see what acquaintances are up to every second of the day. I ask myself this question a lot: "if you have no desire to get together with someone for coffee or a movie or just to chat on the phone with them because they live too far for a visit then why are you using your precious free time to comb through their pictures, and read and respond to things they post?"

I still don't really have an answer to this. I think this is becoming the norm of our society though. Wouldn't you say that? I don't know.

I look forward to the new changes I'll be seeing in my life and I invite you to find the changes you feel you need to make to better your life or the lives you are responsible for as well.

I welcome the positive energy with open arms!

Continue spreading love. Our world needs more love.

Love,
Coco

Poipu Beach, Kauai - 2008
This is where our parenting journey began.
I was already 5 days overdue and now our lil girl is 5 years old.
Time flies!

*For those who might not know, Red is the character played by Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption. One of the best movies of all time. 

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