The Season Of No

I just started reading the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and it has inspired me to get back to my writing and carve out more time for myself and look at my life in a very different way. Now that I'm 40 and terribly wise and terribly adult (cough), I can look back on my life through the decades (Dear God! Am I really that old?), and I can reflect on the themes of each decade.

My 20's was the decade of "Sure! Why Not!" 

Sometimes even, "Sure! Why The Hell Not?!" There was a lot that happened during my 20's that was a result of me thinking or saying, "Sure, why not?!" A lot of it provided the backdrop to many great memories. Looking back on it now, some of it fills me with incredible panic and fear and I thank God it all turned out OK in the end and some of it makes me long for those days again. Mostly because I didn't have kids back then so I was able to take a nap whenever I wanted. I long for the days of extra sleep, getting a good night's sleep, sleeping in, napping whenever I needed it, not getting woken up in the middle of the night by a baby who needed to nurse and just sleep, sleep, sleep in general.  Sleep, glorious sleep. However, I don't think I actually slept that much in my 20's. I am now regretting that I burned the candle at both ends so many days and nights. What was I thinking?!

My 30's kind of fell into the theme of, "I probably should..." 

Or "I guess I should," or "I really should because they did that nice thing for me once and don't I have to repay them even though I have to make great compromises in what I need or my family needs to help them?" Or "I feel like I have to even though I don't want to."  You get the idea.  Martyrdom at it's finest. There were many things I felt very obligated to do in my 30's, and I did them most of the time. Things for other people, things because of other people, things I didn't really want to do but felt like I had to. Mom's Club things are coming to mind as well as lots and lots of volunteer work at school.  Even when I was sick as a dog and incredibly run-down from being pregnant in my first trimester.

Now that I'm 40, I'm starting a new chapter. This is the decade of, "No." 

A polite no, but no nonetheless. Polite yet emphatic. How that will actually end up looking I'm not sure, but I'm no longer going to put myself into the position of feeling obligated or put out because I don't want someone to think bad of me. Even if doing the thing makes me feel bad about myself. I'm not going to risk letting my children down or my husband down or myself down because I don't want to let a stranger down. How ridiculous is that? Yet it happens. I'm no longer going to feel like I need to please other people just for that person's sake, even if I care deeply about them. Whether that person is a stranger, an acquaintance, a parent on the PTA, a friend, a family member, a fellow mom in a mom's group, a therapist whom I'm paying to help me vent and work things out, even someone who has done something nice for me in the past and wants a favor from me, whoever. I am no longer going to feel obligated to do something for someone regardless if it works for me, fits in with what my family is doing or going through at that time. And that needs to be ok.

Actually, I'm giving myself permission that it is OK, and it doesn't need to be OK with anyone, because it's already OK with me.

Sorry for the overuse of italics during my ah-ha moment of clarity there. But if you've ever been a people pleaser, like I was raised to be, then you are totally nodding your head in agreement with me right now. You might have even blurted out a, "hell yea! Me too!"  If you did, please let me know in the comments that I'm not on this journey alone. And neither are you.

I'm giving myself the permission to be more selfish with my own time and desires because I know deep down that it will make me a better mother and a better person in the long run. I'm not doing anyone any favors by getting run down and depleting everything I have inside of me just to do someone a favor or even return a favor, or to protect someone's feelings or to make sure someone still likes me and doesn't think bad of me. A therapist told me once when she knew I was doing too much for too many people (including my own family) and not taking any time for myself to recharge, "Put your oxygen mask on first, Mama. That's the only way you can help your children and be a better mother and wife is if you put your mask on first."

I'm still figuring out how to do that.  I need to find the balance of taking care of myself and taking care of the kids and getting everything done. As a stay-at-home-mom I really feel the need to carve out my own time or else it just doesn't happen. I will post about it as soon as I start doing it. I also look forward to reading more of Big Magic and putting her thoughts and ideas into action. I love Elizabeth Gilbert (author of many books, Eat, Pray, Love, The Signature Of All Things, etc.) Please let me know how you do it for yourself. What does taking care of yourself look like to you?  Comment below!

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2016 A Year Of Gratitude: Appreciating The Quiet Moments

Today is January 4, 2016 (Happy 10th birthday to my sweet niece in Hawaii!) and it's the Monday after a very long Christmas/New Year holiday season of my husband off from work (by choice!) Nobody wanted to go to sleep last night, 2 out of the 3 kids woke up multiple times after they did actually "go to sleep", and the day started way too early. I'm tired and cranky and I already miss my husband being home and am counting down the days til Saturday when he's off again. After over 10 years of being together we still really enjoy each other's company.

Today I'm grateful for:

1. This sleeping baby who's nursing on my lap so I can have a few minutes to drink my decaf latte and think about what I'm grateful for and actually write a blog post!

2. I'm very grateful that my husband has a job to go to everyday. He has a career that started as a passion (he's in the motorcycle business), he's worked hard for it and has done well for himself and moved up enough to the point where all of his good ideas and suggestions are getting heard and implemented and his opinion is being asked and put into action. And that is a fulfilling place to be in your career. 

3. I'm grateful that I am able to be a stay-at-home-mom who can homeschool my children. It's not something I ever pictured, but it's what works for our family and it's what my family needs and we are doing well because of it. It was a good change for us and my kids are happier and our days are calmer and more peaceful. I'd say we are thriving because of it. It's not always wonderful and peaceful and fun and I do have my doubts when times get tough and it's not for everybody, that's for sure! But it works for us and the rewards far outweigh the troubles. So, I'm grateful for being able to homeschool my children.

4. I'm grateful my husband's co-worker no longer wanted his espresso machine so that I could make lattes at home! There is nothing like a hot latte on a chilly morning! I've never been a big caffeine drinker because I feel too jittery til the late afternoon and have to pee a million times, so I drink decaf because I like the taste. 

5. I'm so very grateful for this quiet moment of peace, serenity, reflection and gratitude right smack in the middle of a crazy Monday morning. Who would've thunk it? Thank you for this day and for these little moments and for this life that we have carved out for ourselves. I'm so incredibly grateful. 

Namaste

My Peaceful Little Breastfeeder

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The Glamorous Life Of A Stay-At-Home-Mom: Episode 1

On today's episode of The Glamorous Life of a Stay-At-Home-Mom:

Me: It's been a really stressful day. The baby's diaper exploded out of his neck hole, then he was doing dolphin spins on the changing table as I was trying to get all of the poop off. Once I finally got everything cleaned up and dried up and successfully avoided getting poop on his onesie - he peed all over himself as I was reaching for the clean diaper - soaking his onesie, the changing pad I just pulled out of the dryer and the wall where I hang my kids' arts and crafts.

Good thing that the runny paint look is so hot right now in preschool crafts.  

So I decided to just put him into the tub. As I was filling the tub and arching him from my lap over to the bath he unleashed the barfing exorcist successfully drenching my shirt, my favorite, most comfortable (ahem...the only ones that fit right now) jammie pants, my socks, the floor towel, a bath toy, the kneeling knee pad and all of the fresh bath water in his nice, clean tub.

Fast forward a few minutes later to where we are finally in the tub and I have Tommy Lee drumming the water like it's the 80's. In walks my 7 y/o daughter who wants to show me pictures of a scorpion mom with a million babies on her (barf!), a cobra snake with venom dripping from its fangs (hurl!) and one of those screaming lizards that has the clown collar that puffs open when they are pissed (no thanks) And I'm spinning between a 6 month old wanting to go deep sea diving for a wash cloth at the bottom of the tub (while breathing of course) and the, " Look it! Look it! Look it mom! Check this out it's gross!" demands of a 7 y/o veterinary student who is covering my entire line of sight with her new book. 

So as I continue to avoid getting soaking wet while I oil up my baby pig in a mud fight in walks in my (uncharacteristically) grumpy 4 y/o with a severe case of itchy bed head (reminding me I gotta do another check for nits A.K.A. lice eggs because we got that flier sent home from preschool letting us know someone had lice and brought their pets to school to share with the rest of the class) and he tells me, "everything is wet." 

Meanwhile the bathroom is feeling like a clown car with, "Holy crap where did I get all these kids and do they accept returns?" in it, my favorite gloomy day - wanting to stay in and drink coffee all day - lounging attire has now been defaced with dried up baby poop, dried up baby pee, half dry and starting to crust up baby barf, baby soap, and bath tub water and the older kids are pushing and shoving like it's Black Friday at Walmart. Just when things couldn't get more annoying or frustrating my chain smoking neighbor fired up his table saw 3 inches from my kitchen door to tinker the day away and the other neighbor's leaf blowing addicted yard guy just showed up to perform a 2 hour lawn manicure using only his hand siren.  

Cue the crying baby, the ringing phone and someone knocking at the door. 

Several minutes later the baby is quietly and peacefully nursing, the 7 y/o is quietly and peacefully making some art by herself and mama is quietly and peacefully sipping the latte I made hours ago and have reheated twice already while quietly and peacefully rocking in my nursing chair breastfeeding the quietly and peacefully nursing baby turned napper. 

Exxxxxxxhale. 

All is right in the world again. 

The E--

Not so fast -

Screaming from the bathroom:

"Caaaaaaan sooooooomebodyyyyyyyy wipe meeeeee pleeeeeeeeeease?!"

Baby wakes up and starts to cry. 

7 y/o starts whining about being bored and wanting to play iPad. 

Set the day to repeat. 

Teenager:  Ummm...wow. Ummm... Did you want whipped cream on your caramel frapp?

Me: Sure. 

Teenager: Ok. Pull up to the second window and we'll have your order ready there, Ma'am.

Me: K. (Thinking to myself) Ma'am??!! What the hell? I'm young and hip. What's this Ma'am crap? It's not like I'm some crabby old lady! 

(Car honks behind me) 

Asshole in the convertible behind me: (Sticks head out the window in a way that is indicative of assholes) "Let's keep it movin', Lady!"

Me: Lady?!?????

To Be Continued...

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Daily Gratitude Journal: Saturday Day #2

Today has already seen some battle scars and it's just barely the mid afternoon. We had a tiny glass bowl with freshly prepared, homemade organic carrots for the baby get knocked off the table, crashing to the floor that ended in tiny glass shards mixed with bright orange puree all over the kitchen. I even found a chunk of glass down the hall, around the corner under a blanket along with my patience. 

Today's lesson: No glass bowls for baby food. I hold it anyway, but still. 

However, my husband did wake before me taking the crying baby to the diaper changing area. He then proceeded to entertain said baby while I slept. Upon waking up #AwesomeHusband took it upon himself to make the family, "Surfer's Delight" a dish he invented which is basically a fancy breakfast burrito with scrambled eggs & melted cheese, crispy bacon, crispy hash browns rolled in a buttered pan fried tortilla, served with Cholula. 

"Yes, Please!" 

Yes he really is a keeper!  Did I mention he also made my latte this morning?  Oh I didn't?  I guess I didn't want to seem like I'm bragging.

However, when you have a family of 5 with kids 7 years old to 6 months old, there will be drama, fights, tantrums, whining, lots of stink face, pushing on the iPad couch and feet kicking each other under the breakfast table regardless of how tight my latte foam is, how long I got to sleep in or how crispy the bacon crumbles are.

This is life as a parent. It's not glamorous, but it can be very beautiful if you don't mind things sticky.

Here's my attempt to find the beauty in today to get rid of my being annoyed. I feel like it's working already.

My Daily Goal: I will take a picture each day that brings me happiness as well and post it along with my list of 5 things I'm grateful for. I invite you to do the same!  These are not listed in order of importance. That is too much pressure for this writing exercise. I am just free flowing as I write and trying to be genuine in my thoughts and emotions and writing what I feel at the moment. Please join me! @coco_cana #DailyGratitudeJournal

Daily Gratitude Journal #2

1. I'm so grateful for my little baby boy who just turned 6 months old yesterday. He has the chubbiest cheeks and two of the tiniest teeth that stick out when he smiles creating dimples in his big apple cheeks. It should really be illegal to be that cute and not have a spot on Ellen already.

2. I'm so incredibly grateful and lucky for my husband. #obvs

3. I'm grateful for the days when my kids entertain themselves out in nature for hours and don't say, "I'm bored!" every 5 seconds making me say, "If you're bored I'll give you something to clean" making me sound like my mom when I was a kid!  Or my personal favorite from my food serving days, "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean!"  My kids LOVE this one!

4. I'm grateful for TV for the days that don't go according to #3. Yea, that's right. I said it. I let my kids watch TV when we're having a shitty day and mama needs some peace and quiet. Even if the day is rad, it gets turned on sometimes. C'est la vie!

5. I'm grateful for Wild Krats, Octonauts, Peg + Cat, nature shows geared towards kids, most stuff on PBS, and any other type of learning TV show where my kids can become enlightened or educated while mama needs some peace and quiet while I breastfeed the baby. We have only 1 TV in the house and it's in the living room along with my nursing chair. That's how, brah.

...off to the water park for some summertime family fun and reconnecting.

My kids. Totally entertaining themselves for hours on end with a picnic outside playing with bugs and fruit trees, digging for worms and making mud pies. The thought of it makes me exhale with about 8 minutes of inner peace...until someone gets a mudpie in the face. Then I'm annoyed. Again. 

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Dog Days Of Summer - The Art of Doing Not a Whole Heck of a Lot

It's getting towards the end of July and the reason I know this is because the TV and stores are now bombarding us with back-to-school shopping ads. Oh and I was in Costco the other day feeling pressured to buy a thick, furry rain coat for my child because if I don't get it now they will no longer carry them when I actually need it - in about 6 more months. (I didn't buy one.) I know when I go there in a few more weeks (in Aug) I'll be able to pick out my child's Halloween costume if I so desire and a week or so after that I'll be able to buy my fake Christmas tree with all the trimmings. 

Can we just be done with speeding through life already?  

I know I'm fighting a loosing battle because that will never change, as annoying as it is. But for now while I am a stay-at-home-mom creating a little, tiny bubble around my little, tiny family we can ignore all of the pressures of society - as much as possible anyway. As my kids grow older and we are out in the world more (like kindergarten), I am really noticing this push to do everything, be involved with everything and learn everything as young as possible so you have several years to hone your talent before you start making your parents millions of dollars. OK, slight exaggeration, or is it?  All you have to do is take one class with your child to witness first hand the parents who are trying to get their child on track to excel in that particular thing whether the child wants to or not. 

As a kid I had a good friend who literally did everything. She had no down time whatsoever because her time was filled with several commitments a week and she was never, ever available to do the typical childhood things on the weekends due to these commitments even though she desperately wanted to be a regular kid. She couldn't go to sleepovers because her weekends started very early in the morning with various practices, competitions and recitals and for this same reason she couldn't go to birthday parties in general, or any playdates for that matter. However, when I was a kid we didn't call them "playdates."  We just called it "playing outside with the neighborhood kids." 

Now that I'm a mom I'm very careful not to schedule too many things at once, even fun things they want to do like dance classes and swimming lessons. First of all it's expensive. But when you have more than one child doing more than one class a week you can see how your days and weeks get away from you and they no longer belong to you - they belong to the schedule. 

It's important to know your child's personality type to see if this is a good thing or a bad thing - for them. Notice I didn't say to pay attention to your own personality type. Many times we are very different from our children even though we may not want to admit it or "deal with it." Just because a parent likes to be super busy and on the go with several things scheduled at all times, this doesn't mean our child thrives in this situation and vice versa. Just notice your child's daily/weekly tantrum level to see if this is the case. (Even older kids have tantrums in their own ways.) Most tantrums are thrown by children who are overwhelmed, over tired, over scheduled and over stimulated with no room for transition time between activities. If you find yourself running from activity to activity, eating restaurant meals in the car or on-the-go, your kids are doing homework in the car or prepping for the next class and your only "down time" is the drive to the next function (whew that makes me tired just typing it), you are very likely over doing it and setting yourselves up for failure. Kids need down time to discover who they are are, what they like and what they are capable of doing on their own. 

When I was a kid 30+ years ago, our summer days looked a lot like this:

• Wake up lazy
• Have breakfast
• Pack a picnic lunch (my mom put in a lot of time packing awesome, healthy summer picnic lunches)
• Head to the beach or the park until dusk
• Get an ice cream at Thrifty's (back then it was only 25 cents a scoop)
• Fall asleep the second our heads hit the pillow
• Repeat the next day

That was basically it. 

If we went to the beach we'd take boogie boards and sand toys, beach chairs and an umbrella.  If we went to the park we took bikes or roller skates/skate boards, and maybe a board game or a deck of cards. We never, ever bought food at a snack shack because my mom had that covered. She even made extra sandwiches to last us throughout the several hour beach day. That didn't keep us from asking for snack shack food of course, but we never spent money we didn't have. 

The only time we'd ever get anything at a beach snack shack was when my grandparents lived walking distance from the pier down in San Clemente. To this day San Clemente is my very favorite beach of all time - even after living on Kauai. I have so many great memories of San Cle. When I was a kid the snack shack down at the pier had the best cheese burgers around. Kind of like In-N-Out Burger if you are familiar with them and their fries were great too. So this was the only time we splurged at a beach snack shack. 

How can you do nothing when there are chores to do?

As a mom, my goal is to fine tune my house keeping so that I'm not bogged down the entire weekend with piles and piles of laundry and dishes. The following has been a good system for me so far, but stick with me til the end because it might sound crazy at first if you have been accustomed to the weekend filled with hours of laundry:

Every morning I put in 1 load of laundry. We have a laundry sorter in the garage next to our washer and dryer so I gather up the clothes in everyone's rooms each day to take them out to the main sorter. At this point it's usually just a few items since I'm doing this every day. When that 1 load is finished washing I put it in the dryer or I hang it on the line (depending on the time of year) and this is the biggie: I do not start another load of wash. However, I do make a mental note of which load I'll be doing the next day. When that load is done drying I take it in and fold it right away and then I put everything away. Because I have only 1 load to do this takes very little time and effort and I'm almost 100% successful at it each day because it's one complete load of laundry from start to finish.

I do the same thing for the dishes however, it varies slightly. We usually run the load of dishes throughout the night. If time permits my husband empties the dishwasher in the morning before work and I fill it throughout the day. I cook at home and make homemade meals for dinner each night so we always have a ton of pots and pans to wash. In a perfect world, the drying rack gets put away as well as all pots and pans that are drying on the stove. This doesn't always happen, ok it rarely happens, but that is the goal if I want a clean kitchen. 

A preschool teacher we had made this great suggestion that I have found to be useful: wipe down all bathroom counters each day with a paper towel and spray cleaner, very quickly swish out and wipe down the toilets with cleaner (everyday!) and get rid of all bathroom clutter (ie; hang towels, put things back where they belong, etc.) Depending on how many bathrooms you have, you could get this daily task down to about 15/20 minutes or less a day. Because you are wiping everything down everyday it doesn't get the chance to gather any gross bathroom funky build up that takes a lot longer to scrub. 

If you are super organized (I'm not) you could accomplish this with your kitchen/stove top and counters every day too. My kitchen has become a catch all because we don't have a proper office so this is harder for us - but we're working on it.

These are just a few tips I try to do daily to minimize and eventually eliminate the long weekend cleaning days. 

If you only do one of these things every day I suggest doing the laundry thing. 

It makes a huge difference!  Especially when you have multiple people living in your house. Resist the urge to do more than one load a day if possible (I know it's hard because that is not how we are trained to do things) because when you do many loads at once, chances are you will not be able to successfully wash, dry, fold and put away multiple loads of laundry - and seeing it to the very end (clothes in closets and drawers!) is really the daily goal. When I get backed up from life getting in the way it only takes about a week to get back on track where the majority of our laundry is clean and in drawers or hung up. There are even some days were I'm actually looking for something to wash for that days load if you can believe that. That is when we do bigger things like sheets and stuff. 

I remember seeing an episode of Oprah were she said she has fresh, clean (and ironed!) sheets on her bed daily!  I don't know about you but I was kind of shocked when I heard this as were most audience members because they panned out across the audience to wide eyes and all mouths agape. She even looked kind of surprised (and sheepish) at the audience's reaction to see that most people do not change their sheets daily, let alone iron them. Someone in the audience made a reference to her having housekeeping help and even she agreed and said, yes, that makes a big difference. That must be so nice to have someone cleaning your house regularly!  

Ahhhhh....just give me a second to dream.... 

Imagine the free time you'd have?!  

Well, do my laundry trick and I promise if you keep it up all week and stick to the 1 load a day rule until you get a firm handle on it you'll feel a bit of freedom from the piles and piles of weekend laundry. This of course only really works if you don't have to go to the laundry mat, or share a common laundry room in a complex of some sort. Been there done that and I feel for you in that situation with a family, I really do. 

As far as not doing much during the summer because I kind of digressed a bit there, if you can get a handle on the household chores you have more free time to do not a whole heck of a lot. I don't mean spend the day watching TV, playing on the computer or playing any type of electronic device for hours on end. I mean spending time outdoors doing basically nothing. When I say "nothing" I mean where your child's day is not scheduled out for them with a class or anything structured and they get to make their own fun using their own brain, their own creativity with maybe a few things provided like a bike at the park or a ball, sand toys at the beach or something like that. But no cheating with electronics!! Hopefully you get exactly what I'm getting at here.

Here is a list of what nothing looks like for us:

• Going to the park, setting out a blanket, taking a lunch and just letting the kids play and explore. 
• Going for a nature walk in the neighborhood and discover the world around you.
• Taking a lazy stroll or slow bike ride/scooter ride through the park, beach trail or neighborhood.
• Lie on the grass and look at shapes in the clouds.
• Go to the library and discover something new, attend a FREE toddler/preschooler story time or get involved in a reading club.
• Turn on the sprinklers in the back yard, fill up the water table, play in the sandbox and have a picnic outside.
• Garden, dig in the dirt, plant something.
• Look into FREE things through your local parks and rec like public wadding pools for little ones and concerts in the park in the evenings and different events for Holidays like the 4th of July or Easter Egg Hunts, etc.
• Have a backyard family camp out.
• Have a night time family movie party (the kids pick the movie) and get a pizza or make something fun to eat and put out a blanket and let the kids eat in the living room picnic style while watching the movie. This will be a huge, fun treat if your kids never get to eat in front of the TV. (That is a good thing btw!)
• Reading!
• Painting with watercolors
• Arts and crafts
• Exploring the wild outdoors
• Most importantly - slow down.

Have fun discovering what your family likes to do that is not a structured, scheduled, indoor event. Those have their time and place in our lives too but they should be the exception, not the daily agenda. We have a rule in our house now with extracurricular classes scheduled through parks & rec (especially since we have baby #3 on the way): Each child gets to take one class at a time and we take a break in between sessions. The classes we usually take are once a week for about an hour and at this age we have been able to combo some classes like tumbling or take them the same time at the same location but different teachers like swimming lessons, or back-to-back on the same day with the same teachers like soccer. (I had a very strict rule that there was to be no electronic devices used during the soccer class while the other sibling had class. Their options were to actually watch their sibling play and encourage them while doing so, or find their own fun running around looking for bugs and leaves and chasing birds at the park. Sometimes we took supplies to color or draw. It was never an issue. Mom stuck to the no electronic device rule too because as you know, you teach by example as opposed to just using words without backing them up with an example.)  

This summer is a bit different since our daughter is taking a kids Science and Nature Summer Camp at the Nature Center and these summer camps run for a week at a time from 9-noon. So far we've taken two different ones and have one more week on the schedule. So for now she is the only one who is taking a scheduled class because the ones for preschoolers filled up too quickly and we didn't book them in time. We've learned our lesson for next year! However, my little guy is doing plenty of fun things because we have a pass to our local water park and usually go several times a week for a few hours or so.

If you need any more ideas of things to do in the summer I wrote a Summer Bucket List a few years ago. Some stuff no longer exists like the 2012 Summer Olympic Games, but you can fill in your own activity in that one. 

Here are some lazy family pics of us doing "nothing." 

Learning to surf from daddy at Doheny Beach, California

Exploring the stream at the El Dorado Nature Center in Long Beach, California

Exploring the trails at the El Dorado Nature Center in Long Beach, California 

Splashing in the wadding pool at a local park.

Making up their own games with their own rules.

Taking a scooter & bike riding detour to throw sticks and leaves in the stream at a local park.

Exploring a local water fountain after having lunch out.

Mom's Night Out! Mama's perfect version of doing nothing!  (This one is a solo act btw!!) 

My favorite beach of all time: San Clemente, California

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Enjoying Fall Through the Eyes of My Child

We don't get much of a Fall here in Southern California like most places as far as the crisp snow-like autumn air and all of the fiery colors go but there are still many natural things to enjoy. I love experiencing life through the eyes of my children. When we slow down long enough and take in the sites that mother nature is so willingly offering us we can experience a different world that is often times right under our nose. 

My little guy and I were off on a chilly adventure just the two of us to find "tiny things." Well, chilly for us anyway. We did have our long sleeves and fuzzy boots on even though he was wearing shorts and was walking around barefoot most of the time. We scrunched down to explore the Earth, to discover new bugs and we searched for itty bitty flowers and baby pinecones hiding in the grass under the fallen leaves. Since it's the unwritten Toddler Law that a child cannot, under any circumstances, leave the park without finding a really cool stick, we found a really cool stick and made our own tree with different leaves that were scattered about. 

It's fun when you present an idea to a child - "let's go to the park and explore some Fall" and then you turn over the reins to them and let them call the shots on how to go about it. It's never what you were originally planning to do...

"Let's find really super tiny fings, Mama!" Said with big, excited eyes. 

 ...and it's always so much better. 

Keep in mind that this is the itty bitty palm of a 3 year old, so this is a very small flower and a brand new sliver of baby grass. 

Crawling around on the grass near the base of a huge tree we discovered this beautiful little seedling thing. Smooth and perfect as only Mother Nature can make and yet funny and silly with "twisty hair sticking all out." A perfect thing to huck through the air we discovered. 

Having fun throwing a pile of leaves in the air. If only you could hear the squeals of laughter that went along with this photo. 

The clouds growing dark and coming in quickly told us it was time to go home, curl up with a warm blanket and sip some hot coco. 

Until our next adventure!

Happy Fall!

Love,

Coco Cana

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Gorgeous Fall Sunset!

My kids and I were enjoying the beautiful So Cal sunset tonight! I love this time of year. The sunsets are amazing!

My kids were playing in the living room and my daughter said, "look at the sky mom!  It looks like pink and purple marshmallows!"  By the time we grabbed the camera and ran out front it had already started turning dark red, orange and gold. Awesome!

Coco Cana

Parenting Advice: Letting Some Things Slide

When you are pregnant with baby #1 you buy all of these super cute baby clothes thinking that you'll be spending most of your day parading them around in super cute outfits. In reality, (if you even get out of the house at all in the first 3 months other than to go to midwife appointments/doc appointments) you probably don't make it out of the house in the first outfit you chose because chances are they have pooped it up before you leave.

This was my first parenting lesson in letting things like super cute baby outfits slide.

(Tip: If I really wanted them to wear something specific for a holiday or a picture or something I'd take the outfit with me and change them into it right before the event. It's still not a guarantee though.) 

When your child is a small baby you still have complete control over what they wear out in public and if you're doing it right, you give up control the minute your child expresses any interest in what they want to wear. I feel very strongly about this because it is so important for children to learn how to be creative and independent and when you are that young it starts with clothing and the toys you choose play with.

When my daughter was a young toddler (just after a year old) she started going into her drawer and picking out different pieces to wear. I always let her wear whatever she wanted to wear. Since I picked them out in the store I didn't really have any exceptions unless the weather really didn't allow for the outfit. If we were just going to be playing in the backyard and she wanted to wear head-to-toe snow gear and it was an 85 degree day outside, I still let her because we could walk back in at any time. I did however, let her know it was pretty hot outside and that she might be more comfortable in something cooler, but then I left it up to her to make her own decisions about her comfort level. If we were going out somewhere and she wanted to wear something that would be in conflict with the weather I tried a little harder to help her change her mind, but if she was really set on something specific* I always took an extra outfit of my choosing with us in case we needed to change. If she did want to change I made a point to not say anything like,"see I told you you'd be too hot/cold! You should have listened to me in the first place!" Because who really wants to be talked to like that?  I can't think of anyone. But also, I left it up to her to come to that conclusion herself.

My Child:"It's way too hot for that coat, Mama!" 
Me: (Wiping sweat off my face)"You're right!  What should you wear instead?"

If she wanted to wear a fancy dress and shiny shoes to go to Target or Trader Joe's, I always let her. I started keeping the clothing that was reserved for fancy holiday events (and out of season) up out of sight until the event so it would stay nice and clean. After the event it was fair game to wear whenever. I realized all too quickly that you usually only get one season out of anything a child wears because they grow so fast, so why not just let them wear it.

You are only a kid once. Let them enjoy it!

When she was about 2 1/2 to 3 years old she went through this phase of wanting to wear a solid color head-to-toe. So for instance she would pick green one day. She wanted to wear a green shirt, green pants, green socks, green shoes and a green headband to preschool (all various shades of green, of course.) I let her despite the fact that she looked like she was wearing her jammies. Who cares?  When you are a child you can totally get away with wearing something like that. The next day she wore all white. She looked like a tiny nurse. It was adorable. Toddlers are very much into putting things in groups, lining things up, putting them in categories - this is how they learn. Clothing isn't any different. As toddlers both of my kids would line toys up or stack them up one by one. It's the same thing with clothing and wanting to wear all one color. By letting them pick and wear their own clothing creations you are giving them the freedom to create and the chance to learn.

My daughter is in kindergarten now and she still picks her own clothes almost everyday. It's hardly ever a combo I would put together but that doesn't mean for one second that I could do it better. She creates some cute outfits. She's been picking her own clothes without too much influence from me since she was about 16 months old. If I set something out she might put half of it on, but then choose something totally different for the other half. I have always stocked her closet and drawers with very bright colors and patterns. Almost everything I buy her is comfortable to play in, paint in, dig in the dirt in and be free to be a kid in. This is incredibly important. In order for kids to thrive and fully experience their world as a child they must have clothing that will allow them the freedom to play and explore without the fear of getting too dirty.

I volunteered a lot in preschool, pre-K and now in kindergarten and every single day there are a few kids who have come to school so perfectly well groomed and meticulous and looking very reminiscent of a mini adult and they are afraid to play. I can't tell you how many times I have heard a child say, "My mom told me I can't get dirty", or "My mom told me not to take off my (scarf/headband/hair bows/button down shirt/bow tie/ neck tie/etc.,) so it won't get lost." But it keeps them from playing so they just sit out of the activity.  It makes me really sad to be honest. If a child can't get dirty playing with kids at school, when can they?  

A little girl in pre-K who looked like she just stepped out of a magazine ad everyday told the teacher that she "wasn't allowed to do any of the finger painting because her mom didn't want her to ruin her clothes, even with a painting smock." And don't get me wrong, she looked adorable - for a family photo shoot, but it wasn't appropriate for a 4 year old to be dressed like that for school because it didn't allow her to play.  She said that her mom told her that the painting smocks have paint on them so she can't use them either. I don't blame the mom for not wanting to ruin the clothes because they looked very expensive, but keep them for a photo shoot or fancy holiday dinner or something. Even then, the child shouldn't live in fear of being a child and possibly getting dirty. It's not fair to have these high expectations of them. 

So instead of being a typical kid and playing, this little girl with the perfect outfit sat on the bench and watched the other kids play so she could stay clean. 

She couldn't dig in the sand box because she said her shoes were brand new and her mom didn't want them sandy. She couldn't ride the big wheels or tricycles because she had too many frills and layers on her skirt and they would get caught in the wheels and rip. She didn't want to run around and play tag because all of her layers made her too hot and sweaty to run and her fancy slip-on, clacky shoes made her feet hurt and they would slip off if she ran. That sounded like punishment to me. And for what?  For the parents to have an image of a perfectly groomed child?

This is a true story and I witnessed her having to obsess about her outfit every time I saw her. I felt really bad for her and I wanted to tell her mom she was doing a disservice to her child by making her an outcast by not letting her feel free to play like a child because she needed to look perfect everyday, but you can't say these things, of course. I asked her child one day if she had any play clothes and she asked, "what are those?" "They are clothes you can play in and it's ok for them to get dirty." She said, "Oh no, my mom doesn't like me to get dirty in my clothes."  Not that every child has to "get dirty", but they should have the freedom to play in a way that is age appropriate.

So now we're in kindergarten and my child wears every color in the rainbow in one outfit. I have had parents come up to tell me how cute my daughter looks everyday in all of her bright colors and mismatched socks. I make sure to tell them that she picks everything out everyday and that I can't take credit for her unique, colorful style. It's funny because I had a conversation with a mom the other day as we were dropping our girls off at kindergarten. She was telling me how her daughter always wants to pick her own clothes and she said, "I hate it when she wants to do that because she never picks things that I want her to wear and it's always mismatched colors and patterns and I'm like, you are not going out of the house like that, and then we have a big fight about it!" My first thought was, "Why not she's 5? Who cares? You need to pick and choose your battles and that isn't one of them." But I didn't say anything because I could tell she had more to say about it. Then she said, "Her combos are ridiculous. I'm not going to let her wear a striped shirt with a polka dot skirt and argyle socks! What are the other moms going to think if I let her go to school like that?" 

I laughed as I looked over at my own child laughing and running like a wild woman in the kindergarten yard with her friends because what was she wearing?  A purple skirt with bright rainbow hearts all over it, lime green short leggings underneath, a t-shirt with muted, pastel pink, purple and white stripes, one hot pink sock, one bright yellow sock (both from the same set of a 6-pack of socks), turquoise shoes and leg warmers (Baby Legs) pulled up to the ends of her shorts that were cream colored with brown, pink and white argyle. Oh and a hair bow that was hot pink and bright turquoise cheetah print.

I couldn't make that up if I tried!

It was a proud moment for me as a mom who has decided to give up complete control over what my very artistic, very creative child chooses to wear. She looked exactly like a 5 year old kid who picked her own clothes and I'm 100% OK with that!

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Making A Natural Lavender Bouquet - It's Easier Than You Think!

My lil "Purple Girl" isn't feeling well today so this post is in honor of her. She loves lavender and her favorite color is purple.

Drying Lavender

There are many different types of lavender. It depends on how you want to use it, but I like English Lavender (pictured below) and think it's the best for drying and giving as gifts. I dry the leaves as well as the buds because the leaves smell just as good!  Here is a simple way to make a dried bouquet demonstrated by my 4 year old! 

This is for making a more casual, natural, country style dried bouquet as opposed to a tight, very uniform bouquet. Both are beautiful so it just depends on how you'd like to use it. 

"Hello little honey bee. May we pick your lavender?"

Step 1: Cutting The Lavender

Cutting The Lavender

Cut the stems long enough to give yourself some room at the bottom to gather and tie. You can always cut off the excess once it's tied together if you feel it's too long. It gets bulky towards the top where the flower buds are (depending on how big you want it) so the longer you can get the stem the better. I also remove all of the leaves before I hang it because I think it looks prettier that way. Whatever you prefer. 

Removing The Leaves:

An easy way to remove the leaves quickly is to pinch the stem at the base of the flower buds with one hand and with the other gloved hand, run your fingers firmly down the stem to remove leaves being careful not to break the stem. Spread the leaves onto a jelly roll pan for drying. (Someday I'll have pictures of that, but I'm sure you get the idea.) You can cover it loosely with cheese cloth or parchment paper, etc. to keep the dust out and stick it under your bed to dry for a while. Your room will have subtle hints of lavender while it's drying. 

Step 2: Gathering your bunch for drying.

Gathering Your Bunch

Once you've decided how big you'd like your bunch match up all of the ends evenly. It works best if the stems are of slightly different lengths so your bunch will "fall" out. Remove any stems that do not look right and make sure all of the buds are fresh. Pick off any flowers that might be dead and brown. 

Step 3: Tie your bunch.

Tying Your Bunch Together

You can use almost anything to tie it; string, ribbon, rubber band, twist ties, etc. I like to use flower wire that you can find in the floral arrangement section of your favorite department store or dollar store. Use wire cutters and be careful if you are having the kids help you because it can be sharp on the ends. I like using wire to tie it because makes it tighter (great for large bunches like the one pictured here) and you can also twist the ends of the excess wire together to make a hanging loop. (Like I said, someday I'll have a pic of that too.) After you secure it with the flower wire you can then cover it up with a decorative ribbon or whatever you want to use. 

Hang it upside down until you feel it's totally dry. If it's damp outside I'd bring it in the house so it doesn't mold over time. It can then be placed in a vase as a dried bouquet or keep it hanging upside down like this for a more country farm look. The buds will stay purple and the stems will stay green and it will smell very nice for a long time. 

A Natural Lavender Bouquet by Coco Cana

Gift Giving

These little fresh lavender bouquets make beautiful gifts for teachers and staff at your child's school or daycare. We chose to give these as fresh bouquets, so since they were pretty small I tied them together with twist ties then wrapped a wet paper towel around the stems to keep them moist. I covered that with a small piece of tin foil to keep it wet and to keep the drips inside. To keep it all together I used ribbon to tie it. I explained to the teachers and office ladies that they can put them in water to keep it fresh and then if they want they can remove everything down to the twist tie to hang it upside down as a dried bouquet. (There are about 5-6 here so they look bigger than they really are.)

Small bouquets make great gifts for teachers and staff at your child's school! 

P.S. Our beautiful, vibrant lavender bushes were cut down by the guys we hired to put in sprinklers for us this spring. I was horrified when I came home and saw all 5 of my HUGE bushes completely hacked down to tiny, bare nubs sticking out of the dirt with little bony fingers reaching up to me as if it were begging to be saved. Our gardener told us they would grow back no problem...but they never grew back. Not even a single tiny little leaf. I mean where is the Lorax when you need him? Finally after several months of looking at dead lavender bush bones my husband convinced me to let him pull them out and start from scratch. The original bushes had been there FOREVER. I was pretty sad but not as sad as my lil "Purple Girl." So our new crop of English Lavender is well on it's way joined by the French. We'll see which kind we like the best when they start to bloom. 

Lesson learned: Never cut your lavender bushes back all the way!  

They are NOT rose bushes and they will not grow back.  

"Excuse me, did you cut down that tree?"  -The Lorax

RIP my poor, sad bushes.  ;-(