What My Soul Needed Today

What my soul needed today was to find a quiet spot and sit with my thoughts for a minute to write. However, what I received was much more magical. I am out shopping today on this lovely, early spring Sunday afternoon. There is still snow on the ground, but it's melting rapidly and the grass is peaking through. It was the first time in months that when I got to my car I removed my sweater and sat under a shade tree with the window rolled down bringing me back to my Southern California days with two sleepy little ones in the car while I sat and wrote and sipped on a latte. Today is also the first day since Fall began back in September that I ordered an iced caramel latte instead of the much needed body warming hot caramel latte. My iced coffee boldly staring spring right in the face. Ice cubes dancing around taunting the snow on the ground with their hot summer jingle. 

Everyone here in Wisconsin calls this "false spring" and they say things like, "don't jinx it by talking about it being spring" or "don't go messing it up by driving with your windows down talking about how warm the weather is." And we've seen enough "false springs" to know full well that much of the snow starts to melt in March only to be whacked in the face in late April by getting another dumping of snow that doesn't melt until May. In some cases, we received the most inches of snowfall at once for the entire year during the very last week of April. 

So I'm well aware there will most likely be more snow on the horizon, and we're certainly not putting away the snow gear anytime soon, but this sun and slight breeze with birds chirping is a much welcomed experience after having cold weather and mostly gloomy skies since October.  

Another bonus to this lovely experience today is that when I got back into my car with a warm personal sized pizza on naan bread, and my iced caramel latte with creamy oat milk, was that I happened to turn on our public radio station where the people were talking about how to find more inner peace and calmness. It was followed by a guided meditation, something I have not done, I realized, in a very long time. I certainly did not do them during the entire pandemic and now I'm seeing that I really should have been. But I was just in hour-to-hour survival mode with distance learning my three children. But I needed it. I needed stretching and breathing and movement and relaxation. We all do.

And I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply through my mouth. Then I breathed in even deeper, this time through my nose which is a cleansing breath, encouraged by the birds outside my window, ever present and in the moment. That is one thing we can learn from animals is how to be present and in the moment.

I closed my eyes and listened to her voice guiding all of us on our separate journeys and even though it was awkward and uncomfortable at first - it always is for me whenever I meditate, I finally found my groove and rhythm of my breathing.  Long breath in - long breath out. Breathe in through the nose and exhale out through the mouth. 

Namaste.

30 Reasons Why I'm Amazing! Day 2 March Writing Challenge

 March Writing Challenge Day 2: 30 Reasons Why I'm Amazing

Wow, not gonna lie, this one is hard, right ladies? Especially if you were raised not to brag about yourself because then you'd be "conceited" or "stuck up" like we used to say in the 90's. But I made this theme on purpose, especially because I'm a mom and the majority of my followers are also moms and what do we do when we want to brag? We brag about our kids. Or we brag about our husband or our wife or our partner/other half. We don't ever brag about...ourselves! (grasps pearls.) 

So, here we go. I have stalled long enough. My list of 30 reasons why I am a badass.

(By the way, I started to write this and my "number 1" was like two paragraphs long and I realized that I'm not writing a book...ahem...cough*cough* I'm just writing a short and sweet one page (ish) blog post. I mean those were my own words, right? I literally can't even follow my own directions I'm such a long winded winding wordy writer. I knew this assignment I gave myself was going to be hard but I didn't quite realize just how hard. Especially because I have the urge to explain and provide back story to all of my answers as opposed to just listing them. As a writer/storyteller it literally goes against everything I have ever done and believe in to just make a list of 30 things without giving a bunch of context, but lists can also be really fun and they can be great conversation starters too. So I'm going to try my best to not be toooooooooo wordy (too late) and to just stick to the facts. 

So let's start this again, shall we? *You can do it, Colleen! You've got this! Just don't type as much...

1. When I was about 21, I took a 5-day solo road trip up the coast of California from Long Beach to Monterey/Carmel and for the majority of the drive I took PCH/HWYW 1 which pretty much follows our beautiful ocean. (I am 100% an ocean girl.)

2. My husband and I (my fiance at the time) swam with dolphins in Cozumel. We were on a cruise and almost didn't make it back on the boat in time. We were literally the very last people to board and they were already starting to untie the ropes and we had to run all the way down the pier telling them to please wait with hundreds of people on the boat yelling for us to hurry and then cheering as we got on the ramp. It was scary as hell and super exhilerating all at once. Until of course, we got a huge lecture by boat staff the minute we boarded that completely ruined our literal tequila buzz. lol! 

(So I'm not doing so well on the list thing...)

3. I conquered my biggest fear of scuba diving (my husband helped me, he was my boyfriend at the time) and we went on to dive in beautiful places like Kauai, Belize, Catalina Island and Roatan Island (off Honduras.)

4. I like to make my family a birthday cake completely from scratch, including the frosting (no boxes/no cans of frosting) and I let them choose their ingredients and I just figure out how to make it work by looking at a bunch of different recipes online to make it work, which is has so far. Last year my daughter wanted a vanilla cake with peaches and blueberries with lemon blackberry frosting and fresh whipped cream on the side and it was literally one of the best cakes any of us had ever had! However, they take me about 4+ hours to make. No lie. lol!

5. At 22 years old worked 2 jobs waiting tables for about 6 months and saved every penny for a big trip. I backpacked for 3 weeks through Europe with a few friends and only enough clothes and stuff to fit on my back.

6. I waited until I was 29 years old to get married and on my 30th birthday, my husband of only one month and I moved to the Island of Kauai to start new jobs and a new life. We ended up having our daughter there about 2 years later and stayed for a total of 3 & 1/2 years before moving back to So Cal. We also learned to surf on Maui during an "island hopping" vacation for our 1 year anniversary. That is also where we got pregnant. 

7. I studied and apprenticed to become a Pilates instructor in West Hollywood and then worked at that studio while I was also planning our wedding. After we moved I opened my own studio on Kauai where a majority of my clients were tourists on vacation.

(This is not in any order btw...)

8. When I was about 28, I took another solo trip again up the coast to different beaches and this time I camped. By MYSELF. It still amazes me that I did that alone. Oh and to entertain myself, anytime I spoke to anyone I spoke in either an English accent or in a Scottish accent.

9. Even though I was always an actor/entertainer throughout my whole life and someone who loved being center stage in the limelight, I'm also an introvert who is also an Empath (which is very draining energy-wise) and I really, really enjoy my time alone which is hard when you are a stay-at-home-mom. After having kids I would take a few weekend writing trips by myself (pre-Covid, of course) so I could get away and recharge and just write and write and write while my husband took over with the kids. 

10. As a child, I sang in a children's choir and one time we got to sing on stage with Bob Hope. The director of this choir was also an agent and would find us jobs doing extra work on TV shows. When I was 11 years old I was an extra on a TV show where I actually got a close-up which I didn't realize until we were watching the show on TV with my whole family months later (cue lots of screams and cheers by my family! and then everyone calling us after to tell us they saw it too) and that was the most exciting thing as a kid to see myself on TV. I had kids at my school ask for my autograph which added to the coolness. It didn't last long because I'm not cool anymore. That was it. That was peak coolness.

11. I was always involved in theater in school and when I was a senior my advanced drama teacher chose me to direct one of our school plays. I loved it and got bitten by the directing bug!

12. When I was about 25/26 I joined a few community theatre troops in the area and one of them was celebrating their 50th anniversary. I was the lead in a very funny play that got a great review in the paper during our preview night which led to selling out all 16 shows and for the first time in that theatre's history they even sold standing room only tickets. It was one of the most fun things I have done on stage.

13. When I was 26, I ended a very toxic relationship with a narcissist and moved up to Hollywood alone to pursue my dreams of being an actor/writer/director (even though he said I couldn't do it.) I did it. And he stayed working at the hardware store for years and years doing nothing. So middle finger to him!

14. After I moved to Hollywood I quickly connected with a group of other theatre geeks and we put on a bunch of 24-Hour Plays where you have only 24 hours to write/direct/memorize a one-act play (about 20-30 minutes long) and put up a complete variety show for a paying audience that expected to laugh a bunch and be entertained. I was always one of the writer/directors and it was probably one of the hardest, most grueling things I have ever done as a writer because we had no idea until that night who was going to be in our play, or even how many people were going to be in it, which didn't leave any room for prepping anything ahead of time. We'd all get to the theatre by 10PM and start hanging out, being loud and abnoxious trying to make everyone laugh and meeting any new people. (This was pre-smart phones btw, so literally everyone was "present and in the moment" just chilling with each other and there wasn't a single person veggin' out on their phones.) Then from about 11PM-12AM all of the writer/directors would take the stage and start drawing names out of a hat to see who was going to be in our show. Then we all broke off and the writers found a quiet place to stressfully write in a state of constant and total panic checking the time every 5 minutes while all the actors were distracting us by being loud and bonding and having a blast making all of us writers both mad and jealous and questioning why we chose to be a damn writer in the first place. No one went home at that point and every single person stayed at the theatre from 10PM on like one huge slumber party with about 30-40 of your favorite funny friends. The writers only had from about midnight until 4AM to write our complete script. (So, no sleep.) At 6AM the main guy who ran the "24's" came back from Kinko's with donuts as well as all of our copies of our handwritten scripts to hand out to our new cast members so we could do a first read through and make any small changes and adjustments and plan out blocking (which is when/where you enter the stage, and where you stand, when you exit, what furniture and set pieces you would have in each scene, etc.) Each group rehearsed over and over until our lunch break at about noon. We had a 2 hour lunch break so we could go home and shower and gather costumes and props (all the while still trying to memorize lines) and you didn't DARE nap because you might not wake up in time from lack of sleep! Then we were back at the theatre for dress rehearsal followed by a tech rehearsal - where the director of each show (me being one of them) had to quickly work with the lighting/sound person and tell them all of our blocking as well as lighting and music cues that we had to design for our piece as the writer. I always had a ton of different music and light cues in my show and the lighting guy (one of my best friends at the time) both loved me and hated me as a writer because I made his job very complicated. He secretly loved it because it kept him n his toes. By that point at the dress rehearsal everyone had to be 100% off book (meaning every single thing is completely memorized because you weren't allowed to have your script in your hands during the final show because that's boring and tacky.) Again, no time for sleeping during any of that time. And at 6:30M we had an audience filling the theatre and we were going live at 7PM sharp! Then of course we would all go out to Denny's or something after to celebrate our awesome evening of totally original one-act shows and new friends. By the time I would actually get to sleep, I had been awake for about 30+ hours! We did this once a month for a while. I even talked my mom into doing one of the shows with us and we were a writing team and she made her acting debut as well. It was so much fun to share that experience with her. I'm not gonna lie, I really miss those days and all of those super awesome, creative, funny people who pushed me creatively beyond where I ever thought possible. This is part of why I am ALWAYS drawn to funny, cretive people. But damn, I miss those days. To be young and free again! LOL! 

(Ok holy crap...(wow!) so THAT was absolutely not a list and I'm failing miserably at my own assignment. Bad writer! BAD!!!)

15. One of my biggest fears as an actor was doing comedy improv, which it's all off the top of your head and nothing is planned. Determined to get over this fear and become a better performer, I joined an improv troupe and would take classes where we had to perform in front of a live (and paying!!) audience after each class. And they expected to be entertained for their money! lol! It was so stressful and so much fun!

16. I have had 2 waterbirths at home with our second and third children with a midwife team and a doula along with my husband. With baby number 3, my mom and our 6 year old daughter was also there to see her baby brother being born. It was one of the hardest, most rewarding and empowering experiences of my entire life.

17. My husband taught me how to ride a motorcycle and we would go dirt biking through the red dirt hills of Kauai.

18. I was hospitalized when I was about 7 weeks pregnant with our first born. We were living on Kauai and I contracted something that the locals called, "the jungle flu." I couldn't keep a single thing down for over a week and it was a long recovery once we got back home too. I don't know how we both survived, but we fought through it. To this day my daughter is a fighter.

19. I wrote a children's story inspired by my kids that was in a contest to become an e-book and even though I didn't win, I was one of the ones they chose to publish.

20. I wrote a one-act play that was chosen to be one of two shows that was put up as a dinner theatre when we were living on Kauai. I was part of a theater group there called, Women In Theatre.

21. I was always a go-getter when I was younger. I had a college professor once refer to me as a, "Bulldozer" to some of my classmates. I would start school clubs or I would be the president of school clubs, I was the lead in many school plays, I played on the soccer team as a goalie, in HS I was the coach of a little girls cheer team and we got 3rd in competition. I was always organizing or teaching or leading or doing something and now my anxiety and depression just gets in the way most days. I'm still trying to overcome it.

22. My husband and I moved our family of 3 out of the comfort of being near family and where we grew up and moved across the country from Southern California to start a new life in a tiny town in the countryside in Wisconsin.

23. When I was 5, I was on my cousin's horse with 2 of my other little cousins and the horse bucked up and we all fell off. I was the only one who wanted to get back on and keep riding. I feel like I'm still that little girl who gets back on the horse and keeps riding.

24. As a child I would often go to summer camp through the Girl Scouts and I didn't know another sole when I got there but I always left with a ton of new best friends. 

25. I survived through breastfeeding all 3 of my kids. My first born and I had Thrush which is incredibly painful where my toes would curl from the pain and I was sobbing every time she latched, but I was very determined to breastfeed and slowly, we got over the hump in the beginning and it became the easiest thing and wasn't painful at all. However, with each child we still had to get over that very painful hump that lasted for about the first 3 months. Some women have no issues at all with it, but I always did. I can totally see why mom's don't do it and because it's soooooo incredibly hard, a woman should never feel obligated to do it or be shamed because of it or because she choose to bottle feed. It has to be whatever works for mom and baby, and it must be the mom's choice. It's harder if you don't have any support.

26. When I was 25 years old (pre-marriage/pre-kids) I was in a dead-end, long term relationship that was stressing me out and I suffered a severe panic attack and mental breakdown and was very suicidal but I still drove myself to the emergency room and willingly entered into a "mental hospital" which ended up being a week long stay. (Thank God it was actually partially covered with insurance at the time!!) It was one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself and for my own self care. I was able to just check out of my very stressful life for a bit and focus on myself and go to different therapy sessions; group and private, art therapy and movement therapy throughout the day which was very healing for me. We even had a dog come visit us. A golden retriever and that was the best thing ever to just hug on that sweet dog!! Plus I had a room that overlooked all of the buildings in downtown Los Angeles and I would just sit in my room each night and stare out at all of the twinkling lights watch the miles of bumper to bumper traffic, all of those red and white lights slowly inching along and I would write and write which was very healing for me. 

27. The relationship I mentioned above was from 20-25 yers old, he proposed and we were starting to plan the wedding even though I knew it was a mistake and that he wasn't "the one" the minute he preposed. But I still said yes. I ended that relationship which was very hard to do, but it was the best thing for me in the long run. He wasn't my person and honestly, it should have only lasted a few months but it lasted 5 years. That was my mistake for not putting myself first. In the mental hospital I realized I needed to end that relationship even thought he was incredibly supportive during my stay or it was literally going to end up killing me if I didn't get out. He was a pretty nice guy, he just wasn't the person I wanted to marry.

28. I was voted "funniest classmate" and "best actress" by my peers in my high school drama class and that was one of the most touching awards I had ever gotten because those awards were voted on only by my classmates and because HS kids can be so brutal and harsh and judgy!! LOL!

29. I once spent my 2 days off from work writing for 8-10 hour stretches throughout the entire 2 days, not even stopping to chat with my roommate. (I prepped her ahead of time.) This was obviously during my single/pre-marriage/pre-kids days.) I literally can't imagine what that kind of free time would even look like right now. Can't even picture it. I think this might be a lie. I think I was living in some sort of dream world.

30. Whenever I can (when I have the extra energy to do so) I try to empower, encourage, inspire, lift up women, young women and especially mothers because I've been there with the crippling postpartum depression and extreme stress, anxiety and overwhelm where you feel like you are all alone. I am always finding my tribe and adding to my tribe of understanding, supportive people. 

I'm not going to lie, at first I couldn't think of anything but after I got into the flow of this I was actually thinking of more than 30 things to write about. I might continue in my journal and look back at it every time I doubt myself and my contributions to the world. I really am a total badass and I've done some really cool and amazing things and I need to celebrate myself more than I do. I am so much more than my depression and anxiety. 

If you are still reading this I really appreciate it and I thank you and I really hope you'll join me!!

Lots of love to you always!

Love,

Colleen

Day 2! That's a wrap! Woop Woop!

About the March Writing Challenge: I have decided to try to write a blog post a day for 30 days to get back into the swing of being a writer again, which is one of my true loves in this life, creatively speaking. I'm a mom during a pandemic, so we’ll see how it goes! <insert nervous laughter.> Please leave a comment below and tell me where you are joining me from and how you found my blog; IG, Google, FB, Blog follower, etc. Thanks for joining me!

(Trigger Warning) To The Teenage Girl Who Got Punched In The Face By Her Boyfriend After Trying To Break Up With Him

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here's how you can learn more, give help and get help. 

To The Teenage Girl Who Got Punched In The Face By Her Boyfriend After Trying To Break Up With Him

You matter.

You do not deserve to be punched in the face by anyone, let alone by someone who claimed to love you - someone you loved in return and trusted to keep you safe from harm.

You should not feel bullied to stay with a boy or any man or woman for that matter, who is aggressive toward you, who threatens you, who makes you feel unsafe, who makes you feel less than your worth, who belittles you, who bullies you, who frightens you, who calls you terrible names (cunt, bitch, whore, slut, stupid, worthless idiot ARE terrible names), who picks fights with you just for the sake of fighting, who makes you feel like you are walking on egg shells around him all the time, who makes you afraid to make him angry, who keeps you from seeing or talking to your family and friends, who slaps you, who pushes you, who pinches you, who flinches at you in an aggressive way like he's going to punch you but doesn't - this time. 

Abuse is not just physical. It can be mental, emotional, sexual-

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I heard your cries for help (it still sends a chill down my spine) and watched him storm off in anger and I rushed to you. We don't know each other, yet immediately my hand went to your shoulder as you sat in your car to try to comfort you - wanting to hug you and not let go. Once I knew you were safe and that police were on the way the words just flew out of my mouth without a filter - even though it wasn't my place to give my opinion since I don't know you or your situation.

"I'm so sorry he hit you. You are worth so much. You are a strong, beautiful girl and you do not deserve this. No matter what happened or what you are fighting about, you do not deserve to be punched in the face." 

I learned that he punched you and threw you on the ground a few days before when you tried to break up with him. Him punching you just now was a result of you breaking up with him for good. 

"Your boyfriend needs help, I said, and you are not the one who is responsible for getting him that help. He needs to get help himself." 

I couldn't stop the words from coming out - tears starting to build up behind my eyes even though I was trying the hardest I ever have to hold them back to stay strong while you cried. You got out of your car to hug me as I told you I was staying until police came. 

"Don't ever be with anyone who treats you like that. You deserve so much. Much more than he is capable of giving you."

The police came right away, I hugged you again and told you my name and where I lived. "I'm here for you. You're not alone." 


I gave the police my statement about what I saw and where he went and what he was wearing then rushed to pick my daughter up from school, as I knew she would most likely be playing on the playground waiting for me to get there. I also made the decision to tell my children small details of what happened. I was visibly upset when I got to the playground and my 5 & 1/2 year old and toddler were in the car as I rushed out to help her. He saw all of the police cars and saw that I was hugging a crying stranger. I had to tell him what was going on - only an edited version appropriate for a small child. This was real life happening right before his eyes. We shelter so much of what they see on TV, movies, video games and anything online, yet he saw the aftermath of a domestic violence situation - something he never even knew existed since he comes from a loving family who uses words as opposed to physical violence to solve problems. From the car you could see the goose-egg sized red welt popping out of her cheek. There was no avoiding some sort of conversation. 

"That girl I was hugging had a boyfriend who wasn't nice to her so she didn't want to be friends with him anymore. She is allowed to do that, just as you are allowed to do that if someone isn't being nice to you or treating you with love and respect. And when she said she didn't want to be friends with him anymore and that she didn't want to ever see him again he got so mad he hit her.  In the face?" He asked, noticing her face. "Yes." I said, knowing how horrible that must sound. "We're not allowed to hit anyone at school. You'd get in BIG trouble if you hit someone in the face. He shouldn't have hit her. You don't hit people. That's really bad." 

My son is in kindergarten and he already gets it.

That started the dialogue with my children who are 8 1/2  and almost 6 years old. A dialogue that had a strong emphasis on being brave and strong and standing up to bullies, protecting and helping those who need our help, not ever letting a boyfriend, a girlfriend, (and someday) a husband or wife, a stranger or even a friend or family member treat you with anything other than love, respect, honor and care. A dialogue that will continue in order to educate and empower them.

How do you know if you are in an abusive relationship (of any kind):

“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.” 
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?
Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you?
Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did?
Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you?
Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you?
Has he ever threatened to hurt you?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.” 
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

To find more inspiring quotes on GoodReads about domestic violence and by survivors of domestic violence click here. 

How do I get help for myself or someone I know who is being abused?

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline http://www.thehotline.org/ 
or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224 if you feel that your computer history is being monitored. You can always log into a computer for free at your local public library.  Create a fake yahoo or gmail account if you have to. Just get help!


October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here's how you can learn more, give help and get help. (Click HERE)


Help a stranger. Help a loved one. Help yourself. You deserve more.

Image found online and being used for educational purposes only. I do not own this picture. If it belongs to you please contact me so I can give you credit. If you would like me to remove it please contact me and I will remove it. Thank you. 

Image found online and being used for educational purposes only. I do not own this picture. If it belongs to you please contact me so I can give you credit. If you would like me to remove it please contact me and I will remove it. Thank you. 

Help a stranger. Help a loved one. Help yourself. You deserve more.

The Season Of No

I just started reading the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and it has inspired me to get back to my writing and carve out more time for myself and look at my life in a very different way. Now that I'm 40 and terribly wise and terribly adult (cough), I can look back on my life through the decades (Dear God! Am I really that old?), and I can reflect on the themes of each decade.

My 20's was the decade of "Sure! Why Not!" 

Sometimes even, "Sure! Why The Hell Not?!" There was a lot that happened during my 20's that was a result of me thinking or saying, "Sure, why not?!" A lot of it provided the backdrop to many great memories. Looking back on it now, some of it fills me with incredible panic and fear and I thank God it all turned out OK in the end and some of it makes me long for those days again. Mostly because I didn't have kids back then so I was able to take a nap whenever I wanted. I long for the days of extra sleep, getting a good night's sleep, sleeping in, napping whenever I needed it, not getting woken up in the middle of the night by a baby who needed to nurse and just sleep, sleep, sleep in general.  Sleep, glorious sleep. However, I don't think I actually slept that much in my 20's. I am now regretting that I burned the candle at both ends so many days and nights. What was I thinking?!

My 30's kind of fell into the theme of, "I probably should..." 

Or "I guess I should," or "I really should because they did that nice thing for me once and don't I have to repay them even though I have to make great compromises in what I need or my family needs to help them?" Or "I feel like I have to even though I don't want to."  You get the idea.  Martyrdom at it's finest. There were many things I felt very obligated to do in my 30's, and I did them most of the time. Things for other people, things because of other people, things I didn't really want to do but felt like I had to. Mom's Club things are coming to mind as well as lots and lots of volunteer work at school.  Even when I was sick as a dog and incredibly run-down from being pregnant in my first trimester.

Now that I'm 40, I'm starting a new chapter. This is the decade of, "No." 

A polite no, but no nonetheless. Polite yet emphatic. How that will actually end up looking I'm not sure, but I'm no longer going to put myself into the position of feeling obligated or put out because I don't want someone to think bad of me. Even if doing the thing makes me feel bad about myself. I'm not going to risk letting my children down or my husband down or myself down because I don't want to let a stranger down. How ridiculous is that? Yet it happens. I'm no longer going to feel like I need to please other people just for that person's sake, even if I care deeply about them. Whether that person is a stranger, an acquaintance, a parent on the PTA, a friend, a family member, a fellow mom in a mom's group, a therapist whom I'm paying to help me vent and work things out, even someone who has done something nice for me in the past and wants a favor from me, whoever. I am no longer going to feel obligated to do something for someone regardless if it works for me, fits in with what my family is doing or going through at that time. And that needs to be ok.

Actually, I'm giving myself permission that it is OK, and it doesn't need to be OK with anyone, because it's already OK with me.

Sorry for the overuse of italics during my ah-ha moment of clarity there. But if you've ever been a people pleaser, like I was raised to be, then you are totally nodding your head in agreement with me right now. You might have even blurted out a, "hell yea! Me too!"  If you did, please let me know in the comments that I'm not on this journey alone. And neither are you.

I'm giving myself the permission to be more selfish with my own time and desires because I know deep down that it will make me a better mother and a better person in the long run. I'm not doing anyone any favors by getting run down and depleting everything I have inside of me just to do someone a favor or even return a favor, or to protect someone's feelings or to make sure someone still likes me and doesn't think bad of me. A therapist told me once when she knew I was doing too much for too many people (including my own family) and not taking any time for myself to recharge, "Put your oxygen mask on first, Mama. That's the only way you can help your children and be a better mother and wife is if you put your mask on first."

I'm still figuring out how to do that.  I need to find the balance of taking care of myself and taking care of the kids and getting everything done. As a stay-at-home-mom I really feel the need to carve out my own time or else it just doesn't happen. I will post about it as soon as I start doing it. I also look forward to reading more of Big Magic and putting her thoughts and ideas into action. I love Elizabeth Gilbert (author of many books, Eat, Pray, Love, The Signature Of All Things, etc.) Please let me know how you do it for yourself. What does taking care of yourself look like to you?  Comment below!

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Happy 39th Birthday To Me!

It's the last year of my 30's. Wow, that kind of seems crazy because I feel like I was just in my 20's a few years ago. On my 30th birthday my brand new husband and I were getting on a plane to move to the Island of Kauai. It was a very exciting time. We had just gotten married and the world was at our feet. That seems like yesterday yet we're already talking about what we should do for our 10 year Anniversary next year. I will be turning 40 next year as well, so we definitely need to do something fun. Maybe take a weekend cruise with the kids? Maybe renew our vows?  Maybe head back to where we spent our honeymoon or where we spent our first wedding anniversary? Not sure. But we'll have to do something awesome for sure.

But today I'm 39 and at this point in my life I'm just in survival mode. I have an 8 month old breastfed baby who demands the bar to stay open all hours of the night and day. I have a 4 & 1/2 year old who is riding the delicate balance between wanting to be a big kid and still wanting to be mama's baby, and I have a 7 year old who is keeping me on my toes every hour of the day while I try to figure  this parenting thing out. Most days with this bunch I feel like a complete and utter failure. I never feel as though I make the right decisions or the right in-the-moment-choices, and I feel like I'm behind the 8 ball most of the time. That is probably a huge factor in my PPD (Postpartum Depression) right now for sure. It has taken a tight hold around my neck hard this time. But who am I kidding, no one really wants to hear about that. It's a total buzz kill even if it is my truth and my reality.

So today is my birthday and I feel tired, worn out and struggling with what to do and how to keep the daily schedule. When you're a mom of 3 kids every day is the same regardless if it's your birthday, a day running errands or if you're on a family cruise in the Mediterranean Ocean. It's all just survival mode, am I right ladies? If you are shaking your head no, then do me a favor and PLEASE fill us all in with your secrets in the comments section. I'm dying to know!

On this joyous day of 8's (August 8th), my little family and I are heading to the bay to swim the day away. When I was in my 20's my ideal birthday would be a champagne brunch on the beach with all-I-could-drink mimosas and all-I-could-eat super rich brunch fare, but today my hubby went to our favorite breakfast burrito take out place (because the baby was nursing/napping) and brought home some yummy breakfast burritos and fresh squeezed orange juice and we sat at our picnic bench under our covered patio in the back yard with the kids being silly and the baby eating a mum mum in his high chair and Jack Johnson playing on the iTunes. The sun was shining, there was a nice breeze keeping us cool and everyone was laughing and smiling and toasting me for my birthday.

A lot has changed over the years and even after being a mom for the 3rd time, clocking over 7 years I still feel the daily struggle. However, I've got my awesome hubby at my side feeling like I can conquer anything and today I wouldn't have it any other way. Warts and all.

Happy 39th Birthday to me! May this year be filled with new adventures, renewed passions and dreams and more failures because that is where I get my good writing material.

Cheers to 39! And Cheers to all my fellow Leo's out there!  Grrrrr!

If you want instant good blogging Karma points then just hit the share button to your favorite site below!  Simple as that!

This pic really has nothing to do with my 39th birthday other than I have this look on my face a lot most days and I love this movie. But other than that I wasn't in a wedding dress looking depressed because I totally married the right guy!
"If you're a bird then I'm a bird too."

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Daily Gratitude Journal: Friday Day #1

I just read a post by Mummy and Monkeys  where she writes a weekly gratitude list of 5 things and it really inspired me to write my own list. At this point in my life I need to try to do this daily. My littlest guy just turned 6 months old today! 

Happy half a year my sweet little love! 

Why I'm doing this: I also have a 7 year old and a 4 & 1/2 year old. I've been homeschooling this year for 1st grade for the first time on top of having a newborn and so life has been challenging to say the least. I have dealt with postpartum depression (PPD) in the past and I feel like I have been dealing with it again this time around as well. So for these reasons I really need to do a daily gratitude list for myself. 

My Daily Goal: I will take a picture each day that brings me happiness as well and post it along with my list of 5 things I'm grateful for. I invite you to do the same!  These are not listed in order of importance. That is too much pressure for this writing exercise. I am just free flowing as I write and trying to be genuine in my thoughts and emotions and writing what I feel at the moment. 

Daily Gratitude Journal #1

1. I'm so grateful for my extremely helpful husband and loving children. Without them I'm not sure where I would be in my life. I wouldn't have nearly as much love and laughter as I do now, so I thank them for that.

2. I'm so grateful for how helpful my 7 year old is with her baby brother. I have a bad back from a few different car accidents and she has held the baby for me so many times, especially after sitting for a while nursing him I get really tight and it's hard to get out of the chair holding a heavy baby so she will hold him for me while I get up. She's amazing!

3. I'm grateful for our home espresso machine so I can save money and make lattes at home using my raw, organic milk and natural, organic creamer and have a real coffee snob moment at home each day while I tamper my grounds and steam my hipster milk.

4. I'm grateful for learning how to cook years ago and for having the confidence to get creative in the kitchen in order to provide my family with healthy home cooked meals each night where I know exactly what is in each dish we eat. And they love my cooking, so that is a bonus!  Not too many dinner time fights. 

5. I'm grateful for my two little boys who light up my life and melt my heart with their smiles. Here is a pic of my "big" little guy who is growing up so fast and who is so loving and thoughtful and who brought me these flowers today while I was breastfeeding his baby brother. These are his words below. He is such a sweet boy and I'm so proud of the little human being he is growing into and I love him dearly.

"Mom, for your hard work I'm going to send you some flowers. Here you go!" -My 4 & 1/2 year old

For further reading: My Daily Gratitude Journals

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Top 10-ish Reasons Why I'm a Crappy Mom's Blogger And Should Just Go Back To Being a Writer

UPDATE: OK, so I actually do some of these things now (like linky parties) in an effort to try to branch out and become a better Mom's Blogger, but I kinda suck at it - and here's why....

1.) My blog seriously has no rhyme or reason. Zero. It's all over the map. It does not fit into a cutesy decrative box I bought off etsy and then wrapped in an elaborate bow I made after reading a post,"how to tie cute bows"on Pinterest. One post on here will be about cooking or preschool crafting or DIY Halloween Costumes or kid's birthday parties ideas and earthquake kits for school/daycare, another will be about breastfeeding or postpartum depression or my water birth story, or a water birth poem or one about how time flies by so fast with little ones. Another will be a crazy, random rant about how I hate facebook and why I'm deleting my account the day my child starts kindergarten, then I'll write a silly parenting Top Ten, my attempt at giving parenting advice, about how to find the balance, or a love letter to my children and Spirited Child, and how we (finally) got our Spirited Child to sleep and nap advice in general, and then I'll send out a commentary on how we need to help the homeless, give thanks and appreciation to those who have sacrificed for our country and those who are less fortunate than us, even showing appreciation for what I have personally as well as trying to figure out how to make sense of a tragic world while protecting our babies. Oh, and I wrote a children's book, entered it into a contest and got it published too. ****

"Can you follow a script please? Geez!"  Umm......not..... really. Sorry.


2.) I'm long winded. I'm guess I'm just channeling my inner Hemingway. As you can see from the above post I kinda talk a lot and ramble - which translates into I write a lot which isn't really what people are into these days when they are cruising the interwebs for stuff to read. They want quick, they want in and out, they want 140 characters, they want Pinnable links that are all ready to go without needing to cut, paste and add a description and they want awesome, fabulous, creative pics. The average post these days is like 8 words long and filled with a zillion DIY pics that most likely took 3 weeks to complete. Mine are just filled with a bunch of words. And my grammar/spelling sucks. I realize this. I do try to change it and correct it if I see it but I am also aware that there are probably grammar nuts who are cringing while reading this. Feel free to red pen this mo fo. I'm ok with that. ...that is if you are still reading it.

3.) I don't write about celebrities or their crazy antics at awards shows or whatever they do to try to stay relevant. I also don't write about their babies because that is their private life and I believe that a baby and a child has the right to a private life regardless of who their parents are. That is a huge market for mom's bloggers/mom's message board blogs I've noticed but it's just too gossipy for me. Besides, I don't know these people. No one really knows them - unless you are actual friends with them in which case I doubt you'd be blogging about their crazy antics and still call them a friend. It's just not my thing. But I do know how hard it can be to be a new parent without being in the public eye with your every parenting decision under a microscope, like in this Top Ten Unfortunate Places For Your Toddler To Throw A Tantrum - nightmare! That alone makes me glad I'm not a celebrity mom! I also know that 99.999% of what you read on those sites is all BS. I don't think mom's should judge each other on how they parent or birth. Even when they are a celebrity. The child didn't choose that life and that is their mother who loves them with all of their heart and they will grow up and read the internet someday. Don't be a jerk and a lie spreader. That's just poor people skills and very lazy writing. Like my dad always used to say, "If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all." Which brings me to #4.

4.) I will not under any circumstances sell out my children or husband for a laugh in a mean or hurtful way. I have said or shared some funny things about my kids that someday they too might find funny. But I will not degrade them, embarrass them, make fun of them, tease them, harass them, pick on them, call them names, laugh at the things they haven't learned yet or post naked pictures of them on the potty with a caption underneath telling the world from here on out the age at which they made their first big toilet poop. Jr. High/middle school is hard enough without the threat of finding your frenemy's old, old, old ass pic from their potty training days where their mom posted a pic of them pointing at the doo doo they made on the potty - which then gets printed up and shared all over school. Let's clarify - I do have pics like these because I'm a mom it's part of the job description, but they will never see the light of day on the internet. For this reason alone, I don't really relate well to some (most) of the other "mom humor bloggers" out there. I feel that sometimes it gets a little mean and bully-ish all in the name of a laugh and blog hits. It just reeks of jr. high to me. "Maybe they'll think I'm cool (funny) if I say this crappy thing about my friend (in this case, my own kid.)"  Not gonna do it.  I also do not feel comfortable in anyway plastering their faces all over my blog and tweeting pics of them constantly with their sweet lil baby faces. That is not to say that I don't have any pics of my kids on my blog. But some bloggers go above and beyond posting constant pics of their children.  To clarify, I'm not opposed to seeing pictures of kids online, I am a mom who loves kids - I'm just kinda surprised to see these children's faces posted so often online by their own parents to be honest.  People are weird and people collect pictures of children on their computers that they don't even know. (I have a cop neighbor who deals with catching child internet pedophiles and child porn freaks and weirdos. They collect pics from the internet even if you don't think it seems like it would be a pic they would steal. More on that later.) Also, bloggers don't realize how much personal info they share on their blog over the many posts they write, talking about where they live, etc and it's really easy to connect the dots if you are trying to. The "child shaming pics" (as well as "dog/cat shaming pics") are real hot right now too, like the "get along shirt" pics, give it 5 years and your child will hate you for posting that pic of them online looking pissed and embarrassed for fighting with their sibling. These pictures don't ever go away. ever. Especially if they have been pinned on Pinterest - which they have. A trillion times. If you did a search for first day of school pics on twitter you'd be shocked at how many people posted pics of their child standing in front of their school sign and gave out basically every bit of info on that child. Their full name, age, grade, school, teacher, school address and phone number, the child's face and if you just click on the parent's profile you'll find everything out about them in no time some way or another. Not too smart. Everything changes when you see a picture of your child after doing a search on yourself or when it's been posted/linked from someone else's blog or gets hacked on a pregnancy message board for a fake profile of someone who is pretending to be pregnant with her 3rd set of twins in 3 years. Some people are totally OK with giving their child to the internet. Call me paranoid, I can take it. I just want my kids to be their own person and not have someone come up to them someday saying, "hey I've seen you before on your mom's blog talking about...whatever."

5.) See #2

6.) I love my husband and am very impressed with his mad skillz as a 100% hands on dad so I don't complain about him via my blog on the rare occasion I am upset with him for something. And really, who wants to read about some lady who is gushing over her hubby 24/7. *gag*  So, it's kinda back to the point on #4. I don't sell my family out for a laugh and that is a huge market right now which is a sad commentary on our society I think. I realize that the blogger finds it funny and most likely harmless to poke fun at their kids so that other people can then laugh at them and share the post on their page so even more people can comment and laugh at them too and then ...well... you know what I'm going to say here. We don't need to go getting all "after school special" over here. It's just not cool.  However, I did write this Top Ten about husbands and guys in general.

7.) I do not have any type of blogging/posting schedule therefore I have no repeat followers coming back every week for my "Happy Friday Post," or my "DIY Tuesday Post," or my "Manic Monday Post" or my "Selfie Sunday's post,"or my"Weekly Recipe Roundup Post." I'm making all of this stuff up btw. If there are actually people doing these actual blogs I'm not actually picking on you. I'm just not that organized to do something weekly. I kinda envy those mom bloggers because they seem uber organized and...well...I'm not. This is a take it when you can get it kind of blog. Like a lending library or one of those little penny trays at the grocery store. Take what you need and leave the rest.

8.) I don't have anything for 8. I don't have a clever, ironic or extremely cute pic for it either. Sorry. I didn't plan this out very well.

9.) I worry about stupid stuff like, "how in the world do some mom's bloggers have 50 comments on a single post and I'm wondering if anyone is even reading anything?" Crickets. To be honest, I've actually gotten over that one...a bit. You know, that's why I've listed it as #9.

No, no, it's ok I'm not crying I just have an eyelash in my eye. It's cool. We're good here. I'm not really sad about not ever having any readers or comments. It's all good.

10.) For the most part I'm kind of a say-what-I-feel-without-mincing-any-words kind of gal. Especially if I'm protecting my children or my family. I'll go all Mama Bear on you in the blink of an eye if I feel that my kids are being threatened in any way. So I think I offend people and make them defensive because for one I'm very sarcastic and in person it comes off hella funny (No, I'm not from Nor Cal but my hubby is). However, sarcasm in the written word is tricky. If people know you, they they know you, so they know you are being sarcastic so they will laugh. When people don't know you which is pretty much 99.989% of the world of people online - they read something that is supposed to be sarcastic and just think, "Wow. Well aren't we just a miserable b!tch all chalk-full of bitter sauce?  Bitter, party of one your table is now available. Bitter, party of one?"  Another reason why I'm a crappy mom's blogger and piss people off is I talk about stuff like #4 and I write things about how I hate facebook enough to delete my account 100% from my life!  and boy, some people get crazy defensive about their reasonings for liking facebook, for staying on facebook and why they "can't ever" delete their account and honestly, I'm not asking you to delete your account. I'm not judging you if you spend 8-12+ hours a day on facebook because you are most likely judging yourself on that one. What I am offering is a different way to look at something. I feel like it's my job to ruffle some feathers a bit every once in a while because when we're all ruffled up and fired up and feeling saucey we make changes. Changes are good. Changes are healthy. Changes are necessary. But that doesn't mean I don't feel like the black sheep over here or the lone wolf of the mom's blog world. "Hey ladies, am I right? Can I get a retweet over here?!  Woop!  Woo-- Oh, you all went home?  That's cool..."  Crickets.

11. I think I could possibly be anti-social on some level. I'm not a good "mom's clubber/playdater" kinda person in real life either. My family marches to the beat of our own drum (as documented here) and we find that doesn't usually fit into any type of early morning schedule (or any schedule actually) that most mom's club type groups fit into. We've tried oh-so-many times to make a group like that work over the 6+ year span I've been a mom and it just doesn't work. It never has. I don't know about you, but I find it really hard to plan things too far in advance because my kids are in such different places in their own lives right now that I never know "where" we'll be at that exact day and time. It's usually in our jammies playing at home with our wooden trains, legos or our Calico Critters. I'm cool with that. Some of the ladies I've met are really nice and I'd love to hang out more, we just can't ever seem to make it work during mom's club hours. My bad. And some of the moms I've met are just like the social groups in high school where they spend most of the time at the picnic table locked into a gossipy chat with other moms about the moms who didn't come that day while their children are off killing each other in a Lord Of The Flies showdown on the playground. Inevitably you'll see a kid about to fall off the top of the slide or someone has another kid in a headlock pouring sand in their face and if you say something to the mom or call their attention away from their TMZ session then all of a sudden YOU become the helicopter parent as they attempt to completely downplay what was just going on with their child when they weren't paying attention. Why are parents so easily put on the defensive by other parents? Instead of saying, "Thank you for letting me know my 18 mo old was about to fall off the monkey bars!" you'll hear, "he's fine. I saw him. I don't hover over him like that because I let him learn the hard way. He'll only do it once if he falls and gets hurt."  I got a mom's attention once in Costco when I noticed her infant was licking the handle and the side of the dirty shopping cart like an ice cream. The mom was bending down getting something lower than the cart and I did what I would want anyone to do for me (fellow mom or not), let me know that my baby was having a germ sickle of a time on the nasty cart and she got totally offended. "I saw her. She's fine" and then of course as she walked away she told the baby not to lick the dirty yucky cart because it has germs and she'll get sick. After you have interactions like this it makes you gun shy to help anyone out and I know where we lost sight in, "it takes a village to raise a child." However, we are firmly grounded in our convictions that we know everything and we know what is best in every way and you better not dare to give any help or advice when it's not asked because you'll get told off.

Am I still doing a top ten?  Oh crap I am. OK sorry...

12. Most of the time I don't have a picture for a blog post and I have no desire to go create one or go searching for one either. Which now makes the article in no way "pinnable" I guess which makes it pretty much obsolete in our world today. The End.

13. I don't know the lingo for blogging or for the internet in general. I might as well be my husband's 90 year old grandmother. (Sorry Nanny. Don't tweet that, OK? You have more followers than I do and I don't want anyone getting offended and deleting me. Love you!)  So I'm not participating in any weekly mash ups, join ups, link ups, jam ups or tweet ups or you post mine and I'll post yours kinds of things. It seems like so many articles I read anymore are things that have been taken from another blog with a link to the original blog but no real credit to the original author/poster. So if you are a lazy reader then it will be assumed that that person wrote it which they didn't and that's just not cool!  I feel like I'm a detective on a manhunt or some modern day internet Robin Hood trying to find the original author of a blog post before I pin it in order to give the original person credit, and if I'm the one doing the pinning I'll always try to give the original blog credit in the caption of the post. I spend way too much time caring about fairness like that I guess. But I just can't stand the half-written post that offers vague commentary reminiscent of a high school book report on a book where they only read the jacket cover, then gives the link to the original post at the end that is always way more artistic and well thought out - all in the name of traffic and hits. And the thing that sucks is that the Impostor Poster will always have a ton of hits and links and tweets and pins on the post they didn't even write and the original blogger won't hardly have any on the same post. Call me old fashioned but that isn't cool. It's lame and it's stealing someone else's well thought out idea and passing it off as your own in some way. This has gotten so bad I saw a post on a recipe where the lady supposedly "cooked" the thing herself yet used every single picture the original lady took and posted yet gave no credit on each picture of course, she even copied the recipe verbatim complete with the original lady's comments about her family preferring it a certain way, and then at the very bottom in small print the Impostor Poster said here's the link to the original recipe! And yes, it got pinned, liked, shared and tweeted a gazillion times via the Impostor Poster's page. Even some pinner's have given the Impostor Poster full credit for the recipe. That is just lazy, irresponsible steal blogging. It's Stealogging.

15. Oh and I don't give away free shit. Mostly because I never get anything free to give away to readers. I think you have to actually have readers to give something away to them. My bad. I did give away a Starbuck's card once that I paid for myself but that was about it. If you want free shit go to the Pioneer Woman's blog. Free shit for days. Plus she has an awesome blog. Beautiful, creative, smart, artistic, funny, awesome and inspiring. And she's even on TV and in cookbooks for goodness sake!  We don't have cable because we're on one income since I stay home so I have never seen any of her shows but I bet they are as fantastic as her blog. Utter perfection. Everything my lil blog ever dreamed of but isn't. In fact, you know what? Here you go. Go check it out for yourself. The Pioneer Woman in all it's spectacular glory. You don't belong here. This post doesn't even have a picture for heaven's sake! Save yourself. In fact, eff this I'm heading over there now. I'll see you in a few.


OMG. Tears. Seriously. It's gorgeous.


Anyway, that is probably enough reasons why I'm a crappy mom's blogger if you haven't already been making your own mental list while reading this. Now for my next post...hmmm, should I write about renewing my license at the DMV and how I was the only person in the entire place of hundreds to offer up my seat to an old lady with a cane who was trying to prop herself up against the wall for the 2 hour wait or about my attempts at trying the save the world through teaching my children to have nice manners and do good deeds?  Actually, those might be similar posts. Scratch that. Maybe I'll blog about my BBQ pork and coleslaw baked potato I ate the other night at Disneyland and it was so friggin' good it deserves it's own blog. You'll just have to come back I guess.

****About #1. Yes, that was a shameless plug of what I write on here to get more readers a reader. I admit it. I had to make myself just. stop. linking. to. so. many. posts.

So, I ran it by my editor, who is amazingly awesome btw and is totally my #1 fan and I asked her if #1 was too shameless, (because of course it was shameless but was it too shameless?) and she said, "You don't have any readers. It doesn't matter what the hell you do on here." And when I peered over her shoulder after I pretended to walk away I noticed that she was pinning things like crazy from The Pioneer Woman's blog and tweeting to everyone that they should just go there if they wanted to read anything of any quality. Then I wept and opened a box of French truffles. 

Hark! I know what I'm going to write about!!  I'll write about how I think I was a farmer/Little House on the Prairie type girl (but in France with lavender fields making goat cheese) in a former life! See, and you thought all that talk about The Pioneer Woman was pure snark and jealous sarcasm and it was quite the opposite actually. I read her blog more than I read my own. 

BTW my complete and total facebook deletion is real and it's spectacular! 

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Give Back: Family Christmas Project: Holiday Mail For Heroes

This weekend my family and I took some time to make out some Christmas cards. The kids colored and painted them with watercolors and added colorful Christmas stickers (and my lil guy insisted on putting some of his Disney Planes stickers too), we wrote long, hand written messages and included a beautiful quote about bravery and courage. This isn't too far from the norm during this time time of year when our Christmas cards get written, only this time we weren't including little tidbits about the kids and how we spent our year and there wasn't a family photo of us at Disneyland or riding our longboard at the beach. Actually, we don't even know the people we are sending them to. We were writing letters to active duty service women and men serving in the US Military during Christmastime for the Red Cross Holiday Mail For Heroes project.

We've had many military men in our family from our grandfathers on both sides of my husband's and my family who fought in WWII to uncles and my father-in-law who fought and served during the Vietnam War and cousins and my brother who served in various branches of the military protecting this great country of ours. In the late 90's my brother was in the Military Police - K9 division and he and his trusty bomb sniffing dog, Tanja would work alongside secret service helping to protect then President Bill Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton (then First Lady) and then Vice President Al Gore who were speaking or visiting in a particular area. 

We consider ourselves to be a pretty red, white and blue loving, patriotic family and love the beautiful USA so writing Christmas cards to women and men serving our country and helping to protect our freedom was a perfect thing to do as a family, especially since they are away from their families, friends and loved ones at Christmas. I found some silly cards from Trader Joe's I bought last year in one of the Christmas boxes we had gotten down to decorate our tree. (We were really on top of it this year and decorated everything the weekend of Thanksgiving!) I had 6 cards left so I decided to write out 6 in order to get them mailed off today so it will make the Dec. 6th deadline. 

My husband and I figured it would be fun to get a silly card and a picture the kids made for them. I found a beautiful quote by Alexander Hamilton on bravery and wanted to include that as well. I considered typing everything up and pasting it into the card since I do not have the best handwriting, but I wrote them by hand instead. I think it will mean more that way. My husband actually has very beautiful handwriting so I will get him to write some out next year. This time he was helping me by entertaining the kids with hanging Christmas lights and decorations around the house. Our goal is to double our card load next year. I'll be sure to stock up on cards during the after Christmas sales and will get an earlier start. 

You still have time to send out your own cards. They need them in their P.O. Box by Dec 6th. So if you send it today it will probably get there. It only takes one card to make a difference and brighten someone's day!  Here are some specific guidelines from the Red Cross website that they would like you to please follow:

Card Guidelines:

Every card received will be screened for hazardous materials and then reviewed by Red Cross volunteers working around the country.

Please observe the following guidelines to ensure a quick reviewing process:

• Ensure that all cards are signed.
• Use generic salutations such as “Dear Service Member.” Cards addressed to specific individuals can not be delivered through this program.
• Only cards are being accepted. Do not send or include letters.
• Do not include email or home addresses on the cards: the program is not meant to foster pen pal relationships.
• Do not include inserts of any kind, including photos: these items will be removed during the reviewing process.
• Please refrain from choosing cards with glitter or using loose glitter as it can aggravate health issues of ill and injured warriors.
• If you are mailing a large quantity of cards, please bundle them and place them in large mailing envelopes or flat rate postal shipping boxes. Each card does not need its own envelope, as envelopes will be removed from all cards before distribution.

All holiday greetings should be addressed and sent to:

Holiday Mail for Heroes
P.O. Box 5456
Capitol Heights, MD 20791-5456

The deadline for having cards to the P.O. Box is December 6th.
Holiday cards received after this date cannot be guaranteed delivery.

 These are the cards we made for them this year. 

This one is my favorite. 

This is what we wrote on all of our cards this year. 

This was the bravery quote we chose this year.

The cards get removed from the envelopes so I stuffed each envelope with 2 cards and didn't decorate them with stickers, etc. like we would usually do. Next year when we send more I'll just put them all into one puffy mailer without any envelopes to make it more efficient. 

This is the masterpiece colored by my lil guy who is 3 years old. And of course the Disney Planes movie stickers he wanted to add. 

This was one of the watercolor masterpieces my 5 1/2 year old made. She is really into black cats right now. I think it's a hold-over from Halloween. I normally give her free reign with her artwork, but for the sake of this being a cheery Christmas card I was "strongly encouraging her" to add a little color to lighten the mood!  haha!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you!  May you have fun spreading some love, joy and Happy Holiday wishes to people around the world who could use a little extra love.  We are all so fortunate and have so much and it doesn't take much to give to others. Sometimes (like these cards) all it costs is a little of your time. I hope this inspires you to Give Back this year. Please let us know what you did as a family in our comments section!

Here are some more ideas to inspire you! 

Peace, Love & Light

Coco Cana

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