Happy 39th Birthday To Me!

It's the last year of my 30's. Wow, that kind of seems crazy because I feel like I was just in my 20's a few years ago. On my 30th birthday my brand new husband and I were getting on a plane to move to the Island of Kauai. It was a very exciting time. We had just gotten married and the world was at our feet. That seems like yesterday yet we're already talking about what we should do for our 10 year Anniversary next year. I will be turning 40 next year as well, so we definitely need to do something fun. Maybe take a weekend cruise with the kids? Maybe renew our vows?  Maybe head back to where we spent our honeymoon or where we spent our first wedding anniversary? Not sure. But we'll have to do something awesome for sure.

But today I'm 39 and at this point in my life I'm just in survival mode. I have an 8 month old breastfed baby who demands the bar to stay open all hours of the night and day. I have a 4 & 1/2 year old who is riding the delicate balance between wanting to be a big kid and still wanting to be mama's baby, and I have a 7 year old who is keeping me on my toes every hour of the day while I try to figure  this parenting thing out. Most days with this bunch I feel like a complete and utter failure. I never feel as though I make the right decisions or the right in-the-moment-choices, and I feel like I'm behind the 8 ball most of the time. That is probably a huge factor in my PPD (Postpartum Depression) right now for sure. It has taken a tight hold around my neck hard this time. But who am I kidding, no one really wants to hear about that. It's a total buzz kill even if it is my truth and my reality.

So today is my birthday and I feel tired, worn out and struggling with what to do and how to keep the daily schedule. When you're a mom of 3 kids every day is the same regardless if it's your birthday, a day running errands or if you're on a family cruise in the Mediterranean Ocean. It's all just survival mode, am I right ladies? If you are shaking your head no, then do me a favor and PLEASE fill us all in with your secrets in the comments section. I'm dying to know!

On this joyous day of 8's (August 8th), my little family and I are heading to the bay to swim the day away. When I was in my 20's my ideal birthday would be a champagne brunch on the beach with all-I-could-drink mimosas and all-I-could-eat super rich brunch fare, but today my hubby went to our favorite breakfast burrito take out place (because the baby was nursing/napping) and brought home some yummy breakfast burritos and fresh squeezed orange juice and we sat at our picnic bench under our covered patio in the back yard with the kids being silly and the baby eating a mum mum in his high chair and Jack Johnson playing on the iTunes. The sun was shining, there was a nice breeze keeping us cool and everyone was laughing and smiling and toasting me for my birthday.

A lot has changed over the years and even after being a mom for the 3rd time, clocking over 7 years I still feel the daily struggle. However, I've got my awesome hubby at my side feeling like I can conquer anything and today I wouldn't have it any other way. Warts and all.

Happy 39th Birthday to me! May this year be filled with new adventures, renewed passions and dreams and more failures because that is where I get my good writing material.

Cheers to 39! And Cheers to all my fellow Leo's out there!  Grrrrr!

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This pic really has nothing to do with my 39th birthday other than I have this look on my face a lot most days and I love this movie. But other than that I wasn't in a wedding dress looking depressed because I totally married the right guy!
"If you're a bird then I'm a bird too."

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