The Start Of Oprah & Deepak's 21 Day Meditation Experience Couldn't Be Better Timing!

Free as a bird

Today was the kick off of Oprah & Deepak Chopra's brand new 21 Day Meditation Experience, Energy Of Attraction - Manifesting Your Best Life and it couldn't have come at a better time (for me.)  I am currently very pregnant with our 3rd baby and feeling like I'm going to pop any day. Pop from having this baby as well as pop from stress.  We're planning to have our 2nd home water birth with an awesome midwife and doula team and of course my amazing beyond words husband. The home birth isn't what I'm stressed about. I'm actually excited to experience another home water birth because it's such an amazing, empowering, life changing experience.

What has been stressful is being pregnant with baby #3 - meaning I have baby #1 (who is now 6 1/2) and baby #2 (who is now 4) running around like wild needing life to carry on with business as usual. It's hard to explain to a small child that mommy is super tired from pregnancy insomnia, or super crabby from being uncomfortable simply because I'm 9 months pregnant (which I currently am). It's also hard to explain the emotional roller coaster a pregnant women goes on, especially during the very end of the 3rd trimester when everyone else needs life to carry on with business as usual - including adults, and you are not even the same person you were 2 months ago let alone 9 months ago when things were running "smoothly."  Does parenthood ever run smoothly though?  Let's be honest.

When I was pregnant with baby #1 over 6 years ago this last trimester was filled with very easy going days completely dedicated to nesting and getting ready for baby. Oh-my-gosh-I-didn't-know-how-good-I-had-it-back-then! Now my days are filled with raising two busy, high energy, creative and imaginative children who are also busy with swimming classes, dance classes as well as an upcoming Christmas recital that both kids are in - oh and did I mention there is a a dress rehearsal 2 days before my due date? (WHAT on Earth was I thinking when I signed up for this tap/ballet combo class??!!)  We are also going to nature preschool a few times a week. I'm totally drained. However, nature preschool is actually very relaxing (once we finally get there that is.)  The mornings trying to get 2 kids out the door early enough to beat the morning rush hour traffic is not so relaxing. But once we are there, completely surrounded by nature and we drop our preschooler off for an hour & a half of exploring and discovering and playing in nature's raw beauty, we hit the dirt trails for a nature hike in the fresh morning air. It's magical! The other day we spotted two Great Horned Owls just hanging out in the trees staring down at us. This place does not have any cages or anything like that so these owls were free to roam wild.  I've never seen wild owls in their natural habitat that close up before. Amazing! So the nature center rocks!  (Look for one in your city. You probably have one near you and don't even now it.)

So I was totally delighted when I discovered that Oprah & Deepak were once again offering a Free 21 Day Meditation Experience and that it was starting so soon! Today in fact!  If you have not registered yet you still have time and each day's meditation is available for 5 days after it gets released. So go sign up. There is still time!

I participated in the last one a few months ago (give or take) and it was a really great experience. I have to admit I did not complete every single meditation. In fact, I even missed Day 1, which I was bummed about. But I didn't give up on it and I just tried to do what I could when I could do it and I was so glad I did!  I felt more calm and peaceful after doing the meditations and even my midwife noticed a difference. More relaxed and calm.

So, normally I do not give out personal information like my due date. After having 2 kids I don't even like giving out the due date - period! Especially when you don't go into it having a "planned birth" (like an induction or a c-section), the due date really just becomes a guess. However, only the mother is aware of this apparently because a week or so before the due date you start to get hounded by everyone and their grandma asking you, "have you had that baby yet?"  And of course the answer is, "if I had you'd know about it." People think of a due date as a date that is written in stone or something. Babies rarely come on their due date. A lot of time first babies even come late. My lil guy actually did come right smack on his due date which doesn't seem to happen too often. He was my home water birth baby. My lil Honu swimming into my arms.

As for this baby? Who knows. However, for the purpose of this blog post I will tell you that the 21 Day Meditation Experience starts exactly 21 days before my due date. (Give or take if the due date is even totally accurate, that is.) Coincidence?  I think not. I'd like to think of it as divine intervention for an overly frazzled and overwhelmed preggo mama who is due with baby #3 soon and who needs desperately to find some peace, calm, quite and relaxation in her house full of wild monkeys - my husband being the ring leader of the monkey circus of course.

So Thank you Oprah & Deepak Chropra!  You have no idea what this means to me!  I'm looking forward to a little calm in the storm right now as well as some serious meditation practice to build up to the serious meditation I'll be doing once I'm in labor with baby #3!

Will this baby be a boy or a girl?  You'll just have to check back and see because we didn't find out the sex. There are so few surprises in life and this is a really big one!

Until then...

Namaste.

Oprah & Deepak's (FREE) 21 Day Meditation Experience

My Water Birth Story

My Journey To Motherhood: The Night It Hit Me, I'm A Mom!

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Getting Back To The Roots Of Our Life

There is something about adding a family member that is making me want to totally downsize our life. Since I haven't mentioned it on here yet, we are having another baby! We will now be my favorite show from the 90's, Party Of Five.  We're not finding out the sex of the baby (just like we did for baby #2) and we're due sometime around the beginning of December. I already feel like this baby was brought into our lives to change my outlook and focus as a parent.

Our family is in a huge transition right now. It's stressful and overwhelming yet feels like it's exactly how it should be and it's not to be rushed. But it seems that slowing down is not what we are allowed to do anymore. My husband is in Europe right now for business and he texted me today (bedtime on Sunday our time, Monday morning for him) and said that something about being in (Western) Europe makes him feel like we are doing it all wrong. Not our family per say, but the US as a whole. I couldn't agree more. We are failing ourselves big time and we are getting so far away from what we really need as a society it's not even funny. Just what we are doing to our food alone is making me feel like I'm going insane most of the time. Many European countries have banned GMO foods yet we are pumping them out faster than the 1940's could get doctors to endorse cigarettes for magazine ads!

I have been feeling for a few years now that I need to do something totally drastic in order to preserve the innocence of my family and protect them from the negative energy our society is producing at a rapid pace. This feeling inspired me to get rid of my Facebook account*. I wrote about that here. And it's really making me feel like I'm a black sheep when it comes to other people, particularly other moms. I really felt it this past year with my daughter being in kindergarten. We go to a public school but it's ranked very high and has won all sorts of distinguished honors for a California public school. Originally, when we were looking for a house this was our biggest draw - a great school district. Well, we are in one of the top in the state, where all of the elementary schools including the middle school in our district are California Distinguished schools, and the high school ranks right up there as a top performing school as well. What I learned very quickly what this actually meant (for our school and Principal anyway), is that the Principal's main focus is going to be keeping scores up at all cost. This is not necessarily a good thing because the amount of stress it puts on the staff, the teachers, the students and the families is horrible. However, it seemed at times I was the only parent who was frustrated by this. More for another post for another time because I can already feel my blood pressure rising and it's not good for the baby. In short, we were very unhappy with our first (official) year of school - and we were only half day as a kindergartner. I saw my very bright, creative, imaginative, adventurous child become a test taking, homework doing zombie by about the second/third month of school. Her entire year was centered around doing over an hour of homework each night of the week and taking multiple tests on multiple subjects every week. I might need to remind you that she was only 5, and not 15 getting ready to apply to college. Thanks to good 'ol Common Core Standards.

When I was in kindergarten we took naps, played with play-dough everyday, played with a million wooden blocks, played dress up and kitchen and lots of other make-believe games and basically were encouraged to not eat the paste. I know 2 year olds who are in all day "preschool" programs who would look at my kindergarten experience as a 5 year old and roll their eyes and call it baby-ish. Back in my day my own child might as well have been a third or fourth grader with what she was expected to do at 5.  Is this really progress though?  Is this the magic solution for our schools?  And my child is bright. I'm not just saying that because she is my child. A retired elementary school teacher we know refers to her as gifted and even her own teacher told us how smart she is. I can only imagine how stressed out I'd feel if my child was one of the many kids who were falling behind in her class. So many of those kids were just slipping through the cracks and if the parents don't step up and practically dedicate their entire lives to their child's education they are going to keep slipping because the teachers are too overworked with trying to keep up with Common Core to get every kid caught up.  Besides the fact there isn't any money for classroom aids so they are totally reliant on volunteer parents. The teachers are just doing what they can to cast a wide enough net to get as many kids as they can but the ones who are slipping are slipping at a rapid pace because there just isn't the time there once was to get them caught up during class time. How can parents who both work full time jobs keep up?  I'm very fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom but even with that flexibility I felt completely overwhelmed to get everything done. How is this progress?

Throughout the year I saw my child's bright light start to diminish in ways I could see becoming a permanent thing if exposed long enough and this was absolutely not OK with me. It brings me to tears just thinking about it. Our relationship took a drastic change for the worse and I found that I was no longer able to be the happy, positive mom who encouraged her to frolic in nature looking for cool bugs, paint with water colors for hours on end or explore a tiny imaginative world of make believe with her Calico Critters and Lego's. Something a 5 year old should still be doing on a regular basis. We simply didn't have enough hours in our day. She didn't hardly have any play time because it was all taken up by school work and as a 5 year old, this should not be the norm. And we were only going to school from 10:10-2:30!  In first grade she is supposed to go from 8:30-3:30. Or is it 3:00?  I don't remember. I've blocked it out since we're smack dab in the middle of summer vacation.

My mission this summer was to find my child again. To find myself again. To make my husband want to be around me again. To reclaim the happy-go-lucky pure blissful happiness my toddler felt before the stress of school plagued our family. He didn't understand why he was having more and more tantrums, but I do. I felt the same way but wasn't as free to display my emotions as he was. My mission was to repair the very damaged relationship my daughter and I developed during the school year where I became a prison warden who was a slave to the clock and the day of the week and the box I needed to fill in on the homework log. Before I became a lunch making, paper filing, homework forcing, flashcard flinging, classroom volunteering, PTA fundraising, room mom maniac who was constantly exhausted and always running late yelling like a drill Sargent to get out the door regardless of how early I woke up or how much prep I did the night before.

I don't like that mom very much. She was a tired, frazzled, constantly screaming, miserable person to be around and frankly, my kids hated her. I hated her whenever I saw her in the mirror. I think of her now and want to tell her to chill the fuck out - but I couldn't back then. Our life as we knew it wouldn't allow for it. It was an unhappy, dark time in our lives and this was only one school year. Supposedly the easiest one yet!

The only thing that kept running through my mind on a constant basis was, "somethings gotta change. We can't live like this."

Then we got pregnant with Baby Pickle. (That is the nickname our kids have given the baby.)  BP is already this beaming light shining brightly into our lives exposing the dust bunnies and the clutter and forcing us to rethink, reexamine and regroup all the while bringing in more love and happiness.

It's a bit easier to refocus on the positive since it's summertime and as you know, the living is easy. But we really are trying to get back to what matters to us. We're sleeping in, not planning much for our days, keeping less of a schedule and my daughter is taking a science and nature camp at the nature center, something she is passionate about. We are spending many of our days at the local water park (we have season passes so that makes it easier), or the little wadding pool at the park by my parents house. We are also trying to have picnics in the park as much as possible and eat a lot of meals outside when we are home. This does make it a bit tough considering our neighbors are outside chain smokers and their patio is literally about 10 feet from our kitchen, but again, I can't really go into it because the baby doesn't appreciate the rise in blood pressure. So there are times where we'll just get everything settled and we'll start eating and we smell their smoke sending us back inside. But whenever we can, we eat outside. But boy living next to constant day and night chain smokers really makes me hate smokers. I try to be the type of person who doesn't hate anybody. I'm usually very supportive of people's life choices but I can honestly say that I think smoking is one of the most vile habits on the planet. If I met you and you are a smoker I wouldn't necessarily hate you as a person, but I would absolutely hate the habit you have since it doesn't just affect you and that would probably keep me from wanting to be around you if you smoked in front of me and/or my kids. If your habits only affected you it wouldn't bug me because those are your personal choices. However, once I have to start rearranging my life around your need for nicotine, that is when my blood starts to boil and my hackles go up. I just can't handle it.

Wow, I didn't realize I had so much pent up hostility raging through my veins right now. I guess it's good that I'm writing this post then. It's been a while since I've posted anything. The stress cloud we've been living in has kept me from doing a lot of things I once enjoyed, like writing. While I'm at it, can we talk about the paper waste that is going on in schools? Holy cow! Can we eliminate some of that please?! Trees are dying over here people. I don't need a reminder flier sent home about the reminder flier that was sent yesterday about yet another fundraiser the school is having. We all have an electronic device stapled to our eyeballs 24/7, please use that instead of so much paper! But there are many positives right now too. We're having a baby! We found a super awesome midwife and a great doula and are prepping for another home/water birth like we had for baby #2. It was such a positive, life changing experience I couldn't imagine bringing this baby into the world any other way.

Like I said, our life is in a huge transition right now and major changes are underfoot. I'm inspired by living simply and embracing what drives us to be happy and living our passions. Right now we don't have all of the answers and some things will totally be out of our control, but we're open to changes as well as insisting on changes, so it will be an interesting year to say the least.

You can read about my beautiful water birth with baby #2 here and here.

*BTW, this August will be a year since I deleted my Facebook account and it was a great decision. No regrets and no looking back.

It feels good to get back on the horse.  Enjoy your summer and don't forget to slow down! If you need a few ideas here is my Summer Bucket List from a few years ago to inspire you.

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The next time my kids fight, I just might break out into song.

My funny friend Regina posted this on her facebook page and I just cracked up, so I had to share it here.

I have a 4 1/2 year old and an almost 2 year old (in 3 days actually!), so I find myself yelling "STOP!" quite often.  I'm either yelling "STOP!" because I'm keeping someone from running out into the street, keeping someone from reaching up to touch a hot stove or I'm keeping them from shredding a toy in half with the toy tug-of-war/screaming match that is going on over here on a daily basis.

I feel like a traffic cop with how much I'm yelling "STOP!"  So the next time I yell, "STOP!" I just might break out into song!  The tough part is choosing which one.

What's your fave?  Comment below!





P.S. This is just another example of why I loved my whole water birth/home birth experience. Regina was my nurse at the birth center.  I say, "my nurse" because at the time, she was the only nurse who took care of all the moms-to-be before the midwife came in.  She brought such comfort, joy, laughter, and light to all of my appointments!  Where before when I was going to the OB through my insurance I saw different people all the time and I could hardly get anyone to look me in the eye let alone remember my name, and then have them as a facebook friend. Heck my OB didn't even have a clue who I was when I passed him in the hallway and said, "hi" before my final appointment with him. I noticed the puzzled look on his face so I said my name to spark a memory (which still didn't ring a bell) and I was 25+ weeks along!  (That's close to 7 months pregnant for those of you keeping score at home.) That was very frustrating for me because I felt like a number. That doesn't really work for me. Especially when I'm going through one of the most life changing experiences in my life and want my voice to be heard when it comes time to push that puppy out.  I don't know about you, but I don't do well with just being a nameless, faceless number getting lost in the system.  

I met Regina at my very first appointment at South Coast Midwifery in Irvine, Ca and since she was anticipating my first appointment anyway she already knew my name when I walked in the door and was greeted with a big smile. It was the little things like that that completely made my pregnancy and water birth with my sweet lil baby boy a very magical and memorable experience. And she is still making me laugh all the time with silly posts like this one.  Thanks Regina!  So glad you were my nurse!  


BTW - If you know who made this "sign" please let me know so I can give them credit!  Because I didn't make it. I'm just sharing it. Thx!

A Post A Day Project - Day #4: Hoping To Share My Water Birth Story On The Ricki Lake Show!

This is pretty cool...Ricki Lake is going to have a new talk show again!  I'm super psyched because over the past few years I have become a HUGE Ricki Lake Fan!  It all started with her amazing documentary called, "The Business Of Being Born" that completely changed the way I look at childbirth. Then when I was pregnant with baby #2 I read her book,  "Your Best Birth" and it helped to confirm my choices to have a more natural birth.

Since she is starting her new talk show again she is asking to hear from mom's who have changed the way they birthed their baby due to the documentary to possibly be on an upcoming show.

*raises hand* "Me! Me! Meeeee! Oooo Oooo Pick Me!"

(That is a little shout out to all of my teacher friends who are heading back to work soon after a nice, relaxing summer off.  Did you miss hearing that all summer?  )


So I sent the producers this blog post talking about my water birth experience and what my decisions were for deciding on a water birth at home with a midwife and a doula and they liked it. So now I have to make and upload a video of myself to Friends of Ricki to *possibly* be on the show.

I guess this means I need to take a shower, wear something cute and put on make-up to look somewhat presentable for the video.  Eh.  Honestly though, I don't know when I'm going to be able to do this thing. I think I'm going to have to make it at midnight or something because every time I start to do it (or let's be honest, every time I start to THINK about starting to do it) the kids are totally up my grill. You know how you become the most interesting person on the face of the earth (to your children) the minute you pick up the phone to make a call?  Yea, try making a damn video blog!  Impossible!

To the Ricki Lake Show Producers, "I'll make one, I promise!!"




To read a "poem" I wrote about my water birth experience click here. 

To read about my Post A Day Project click here.

My Journey To Motherhood: My Water Baby

The birth of my second baby was so moving it was like a rebirth of my soul and a newfound belief in myself and what I was capable of. Although my first birth was beautiful, I didn't feel prepared despite taking a birthing class. During labor I went to a very dark place deep inside myself, feeling so scared and isolated in my pain not even my husband or mother could penetrate it. Not knowing if I was capable of giving birth on my own, I felt like the pain would keep escalating until I was going to die because I didn't think it would end. I knew without a doubt I never wanted to feel that again. I wanted to experience a positive birth but I didn't think they existed. Then I saw “The Business Of Being Born.” My daughter was one week old and we watched the film that would eventually change our lives in so many ways and completely effect how our second baby would be born 2 ½ years later.

I longed for a birth like I saw in the film but I didn't know where to begin, so I started writing “My Ultimate Dream Birth.” In this wish list I threw everything out the window that would get in the way of my dream, like insurance and money issues, my husband's and my fears, family concerns, societal pressure and I wrote what my heart wanted. I discovered that I wanted a water birth with a midwife and a doula, I wanted to prepare for an unmedicated birth by taking The Bradley Method, and I wanted to feel strong, empowered, confident and capable. I had this beautiful story that seemed like a fairy tale because I didn't know how to make it a reality.

I became extremely ill with persistent bronchitis that would plague me throughout my entire first trimester making it hard to do the research needed to find an alternative birth plan on top of taking care of a busy toddler. We moved when our daughter was almost a year old so I needed to find a new OBGYN. After expressing my wishes for a natural birth during a second trimester appointment, my new doc said I'd “be crazy for not taking perfectly good drugs (epidural) that have zero effect on the baby” and that, “No one was handing out gold stars for having a non-medicated birth.” 

That was my last appointment with the new doc. 

I was 26 weeks pregnant. 

The scene from the documentary kept playing over in my mind where Ricki was saying, “It wasn't an illness, it wasn't something that needed to be numbed, it needed to be experienced...” I needed that experience. 

Immediately, I started to look for birthing centers and I found South Coast Midwifery in Irvine. I cried looking at the pictures of these strong women confidently birthing their babies and knew I found what I was looking for. We loved SCM. By the second appointment they knew my name where before I was a number and after 26 weeks my doctor didn't even recognize me in the hallway before our final appointment. I was excited at the chance at having my dream birth at home.

The morning before my due date I lost my mp. I ran errands despite the fact that things felt different. Around 5pm I started having very steady contractions so it was time to head home! My parents took our daughter to their house, my husband started filling up the birthing tub and I paced the house feeling busy and restless. My contractions were becoming so fast and furious and extremely painful they took me by surprise and I had those fleeting moments of, “Uh-oh! What did I get myself into?” I felt frantic as my husband realized he needed to start filling the tub with warmer water and was running back and forth from the tub to where ever I happened to be crouching when I'd yell for him during a contraction. My doula quickly arrived and once in the tub I felt calm, relaxed. Flickering candlelight filled the room with songs from my labor playlist. (We still did not know if we were having a boy or a girl!) My eyes had been closed for quite some time, I was in my own world humming to the music and groaning with each contraction. It felt like it was helping to take away the pain by pushing it out of my body in low, gravely groans as opposed to holding it in, holding my breath. It was not the hysterical, out-of-control screams seen on TV that condition women into thinking this is what's expected during labor. These were deep, primal and somewhat animalistic.

The room was still yet active. There were no constant beeps from various machines, no light piercing my loosely closed eyes, no cords tethering me to IV's and heart monitors keeping me from the movements I needed to make. No hospital protocol keeping me from eating and drinking what I needed to remained energized. There was no pressure to perform during anyone's time frame in order for my wishes to be granted. It was me kneeling in a tub of warm water, my head buried in the chest of my strong husband who never left my side. My doula was slowly pouring water on my back and massaging the pain away with her fists and my midwife and assistant who arrived around midnight were setting up what medical equipment they might or might not need.

Just then things started to change...

“Are you ready to catch your baby?”

My midwife asked after only pushing for a short amount of time. Those were the most powerful words I had ever heard. After one last push at 12:49am out spiraled this huge, pink baby hurling it's chubby body into my arms where I brought it up out of the water to my chest and my lips, “my baby, my baby!” I beamed over and over flashing me back to the birth of my daughter. My husband and I held our sweet baby for quite sometime crying and smiling, admiring our perfect angel. As my husband turned around to get the video camera I realized I still did not know the sex! Pulling the baby away from my chest I looked down and in amazement I exclaimed, “It's a boy! It's a boy!” I'll never forget the look on my husband's face as he quickly turned around to meet my eyes asking in disbelief, “It's a boy?” He peered over my shoulder and exclaimed, “It's a boy!” A whopping 10 pound, 21 inch bouncing baby boy who helped me achieve my ultimate dream birth. My water baby has inspired me to dare to be great and he has melted my heart ever since. 


To read more about my home water birth experience, click here. 

To read more about my water birth experience

For more information about:

Water Birth

The Business Of Being Born
Ina May Gaskin

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*This was originally posted on February 16, 2012 at BlogHer.com and was an entry into a contest put on by Ricki Lake and BlogHerMoms called Journey To Motherhood. We were asked to describe our own journey. This was 1 out of 4 entries I wrote for the contest.

Water Baby

Pool is ready, water is warm,

midwife, doula, hubby and me, I will not conform.

I'm breathing the way I need to,

moving the way I need to,

walking when I need to,

squatting when I need to.

Pacing the rooms, my feet are bare,

our lives on these walls, and soon baby is there.

I'm eating because I need to,

drinking when I need to,

only talking when I need to,

peacefully quiet because I need to.

Coldplay on the itunes,

fresh flowers wafting through,

feeling confident and strong

my body knows just what to do.

Laughing when I need to,

closing my eyes because I need to,

crying when I need to,

reaching out for you because I need you.

Room filled with soft whispers,

the only light is in the hall,

warm water pouring over my back,

not feeling rushed at all.

Rocking when I need to,

humming when I need to,

blocking out what I need to,

drawing inward because I need to.

Pain ever present, feeling like I need to push,

my body taking over, water breaking there's the woosh!

I'm kneeling because I need to,

embracing the feeling because I need to,

battle cries when I need to,

retreating home when I need to.

Husband is strong never leaving my side,

my head is in his chest.

Everyone is waiting for me to give their cue

because they know, I know myself best.

I'm pushing when I need to,

for however long my body needs to,

I'm moaning when I need to,

laboring naturally because I need to.

The baby is coming quickly now

as you can see in the water below!

Is our new little love

a baby girl or baby boy?

We still do not know!

I reach down because I need to,

catch my baby in my arms because I need to,

we embrace our new love because we need to,

Free to take the time that we need to.

We squeal in delight our baby is here

oh, such a magical joy!

After several minutes of loving this new bundle

we discover that he is a boy!

Holding him close because I need to,

cord cutting can wait because it needs to,

adjusting peacefully because he needs to,

in mama's arms because we need to.

Everyone is happy and safe,

bouncing baby boy is ten pounds!

The house is bright and filled with love

and all sorts of new baby sounds.

A shower and my bed because I need to,

breastfeed him when he needs to,

skin to skin because we need to,

all three napping together because we need to.

After a peaceful sleep big sister is here!

She wants to meet “baby brother.”

She knew all along it'd be you coming to her,

this bond is like no other.

Believe in yourself because you need to!

Your heart is telling you what it needs to,

trust yourself because you need to,

Be strong for your baby, because he needs you.

By Colleen Duncan-Canavan

Dec 4, 2011

This poem was inspired by my water baby, Ely Finn. Born at home, caught by his mother. I'm waiting to hear back if this will be accepted into an anthology. I'll update it here if it was chosen.

To continue reading more from My Tales From The Crib, click here

Pain in the...back.

I have been blessed with a back that lets me know when I have done too much and when I need to do more. It's quite possibly the bossiest person I know, reminding me on a daily basis of it's existence in my world..."locking" it into my brain. Sending me constant updates and tweets. 

 "Um...I don't care this much about you!" ---"Sorry, I take that back! Don't hurt me."

My back - consuming more of my daily thoughts than should be legal. Taking away days at a time, forcing me to sit (preferably against a bag of ice) and reflect on healthier, stronger days...most of which were yesterday! My back is quite frankly - a pain in my ass. Like an unfaithful boyfriend, going out on you when you least expect it, when all you try to do is treat it nice. Yea, that guy.

My back has never had my back. Constantly turning on me. Constantly on my case....unless I cater to it every single day and pay all sorts of attention to it regardless of what I have planned....like a high maintenance former friend who refuses to get over 'that one guy who went out on her that one time back in college.'  

"Yea but you didn't like him anyway....?" 
"I know, but I do like to complain a whole lot..." 
Yea, that friend. 

I have been blessed with a back that knows what it wants, lets me know how it feels, and like my children when I'm on the phone, will go to extreme lengths to get me to pay more attention to it. We've been through so much together. Pregnancy, breastfeeding, baby wearing, millions of pre and post-baby hormones turning joints and muscles into "loosey-goosey" mush,....car accidents. Don't get me started on the car accidents.  I've been rear-ended or side-swiped more times (as a passenger) than I can count. Because of this, I don't make a very good passenger ...Right, Babe?  However, I've been rear-ended as a driver too. A guy plowed into the back of us when we were stopped at a light (he on the other hand was looking down at his phone TEXTING and driving instead of paying attention and slowing down for a red light!) and I had a 6 month old baby in the back seat! Another reason why rear facing car seats are best for babies. Baby was fine thank God. Never blinked an eye in fact. 

Anyway...back2U

Remember the good old days when we were in the pilates studio 5 days a week? You hardly made a peep. You were so sweet and kind and unobtrusive and calm. Never spazzed out. Never slipped up. You were the epitome of strength and support. I thought so fondly of you back then. Such a nice back.

Which reminds me! My back also knows just how to humiliate me. "How does a Pilates Instructor have a bad back?!" Exactly.

I am extremely blessed for this very vocal, very bossy, very pushy, very stubborn, total jerk-store of a back. At least that is the positive spin I'm trying to attach to it after all these years. It's either that or start waking up at 5am and hitting the pilates studio for hours and hours a day again. Did I mention I'm an overtired new mom now? Nevermind the fact that she is 18 months old. In the grand-scheme-of-life-looking-at-the-bigger-picture-here...I'm a new mom damnit!

Can we divorce a body part? Just askin'....


**Fast forward a few years to the Re-Cap: Exactly 1 year after I wrote this, I had just given birth to a 10 pound chunk-a-lunk baby via home water birth. So I have more to add to my back pain woes because this chunky monkey is HEEEAVVVVVVY to carry around!!  When you start out a 10 pounder...you just get bigger!  Funny how that works.