30 Reasons Why I'm Amazing! Day 2 March Writing Challenge

 March Writing Challenge Day 2: 30 Reasons Why I'm Amazing

Wow, not gonna lie, this one is hard, right ladies? Especially if you were raised not to brag about yourself because then you'd be "conceited" or "stuck up" like we used to say in the 90's. But I made this theme on purpose, especially because I'm a mom and the majority of my followers are also moms and what do we do when we want to brag? We brag about our kids. Or we brag about our husband or our wife or our partner/other half. We don't ever brag about...ourselves! (grasps pearls.) 

So, here we go. I have stalled long enough. My list of 30 reasons why I am a badass.

(By the way, I started to write this and my "number 1" was like two paragraphs long and I realized that I'm not writing a book...ahem...cough*cough* I'm just writing a short and sweet one page (ish) blog post. I mean those were my own words, right? I literally can't even follow my own directions I'm such a long winded winding wordy writer. I knew this assignment I gave myself was going to be hard but I didn't quite realize just how hard. Especially because I have the urge to explain and provide back story to all of my answers as opposed to just listing them. As a writer/storyteller it literally goes against everything I have ever done and believe in to just make a list of 30 things without giving a bunch of context, but lists can also be really fun and they can be great conversation starters too. So I'm going to try my best to not be toooooooooo wordy (too late) and to just stick to the facts. 

So let's start this again, shall we? *You can do it, Colleen! You've got this! Just don't type as much...

1. When I was about 21, I took a 5-day solo road trip up the coast of California from Long Beach to Monterey/Carmel and for the majority of the drive I took PCH/HWYW 1 which pretty much follows our beautiful ocean. (I am 100% an ocean girl.)

2. My husband and I (my fiance at the time) swam with dolphins in Cozumel. We were on a cruise and almost didn't make it back on the boat in time. We were literally the very last people to board and they were already starting to untie the ropes and we had to run all the way down the pier telling them to please wait with hundreds of people on the boat yelling for us to hurry and then cheering as we got on the ramp. It was scary as hell and super exhilerating all at once. Until of course, we got a huge lecture by boat staff the minute we boarded that completely ruined our literal tequila buzz. lol! 

(So I'm not doing so well on the list thing...)

3. I conquered my biggest fear of scuba diving (my husband helped me, he was my boyfriend at the time) and we went on to dive in beautiful places like Kauai, Belize, Catalina Island and Roatan Island (off Honduras.)

4. I like to make my family a birthday cake completely from scratch, including the frosting (no boxes/no cans of frosting) and I let them choose their ingredients and I just figure out how to make it work by looking at a bunch of different recipes online to make it work, which is has so far. Last year my daughter wanted a vanilla cake with peaches and blueberries with lemon blackberry frosting and fresh whipped cream on the side and it was literally one of the best cakes any of us had ever had! However, they take me about 4+ hours to make. No lie. lol!

5. At 22 years old worked 2 jobs waiting tables for about 6 months and saved every penny for a big trip. I backpacked for 3 weeks through Europe with a few friends and only enough clothes and stuff to fit on my back.

6. I waited until I was 29 years old to get married and on my 30th birthday, my husband of only one month and I moved to the Island of Kauai to start new jobs and a new life. We ended up having our daughter there about 2 years later and stayed for a total of 3 & 1/2 years before moving back to So Cal. We also learned to surf on Maui during an "island hopping" vacation for our 1 year anniversary. That is also where we got pregnant. 

7. I studied and apprenticed to become a Pilates instructor in West Hollywood and then worked at that studio while I was also planning our wedding. After we moved I opened my own studio on Kauai where a majority of my clients were tourists on vacation.

(This is not in any order btw...)

8. When I was about 28, I took another solo trip again up the coast to different beaches and this time I camped. By MYSELF. It still amazes me that I did that alone. Oh and to entertain myself, anytime I spoke to anyone I spoke in either an English accent or in a Scottish accent.

9. Even though I was always an actor/entertainer throughout my whole life and someone who loved being center stage in the limelight, I'm also an introvert who is also an Empath (which is very draining energy-wise) and I really, really enjoy my time alone which is hard when you are a stay-at-home-mom. After having kids I would take a few weekend writing trips by myself (pre-Covid, of course) so I could get away and recharge and just write and write and write while my husband took over with the kids. 

10. As a child, I sang in a children's choir and one time we got to sing on stage with Bob Hope. The director of this choir was also an agent and would find us jobs doing extra work on TV shows. When I was 11 years old I was an extra on a TV show where I actually got a close-up which I didn't realize until we were watching the show on TV with my whole family months later (cue lots of screams and cheers by my family! and then everyone calling us after to tell us they saw it too) and that was the most exciting thing as a kid to see myself on TV. I had kids at my school ask for my autograph which added to the coolness. It didn't last long because I'm not cool anymore. That was it. That was peak coolness.

11. I was always involved in theater in school and when I was a senior my advanced drama teacher chose me to direct one of our school plays. I loved it and got bitten by the directing bug!

12. When I was about 25/26 I joined a few community theatre troops in the area and one of them was celebrating their 50th anniversary. I was the lead in a very funny play that got a great review in the paper during our preview night which led to selling out all 16 shows and for the first time in that theatre's history they even sold standing room only tickets. It was one of the most fun things I have done on stage.

13. When I was 26, I ended a very toxic relationship with a narcissist and moved up to Hollywood alone to pursue my dreams of being an actor/writer/director (even though he said I couldn't do it.) I did it. And he stayed working at the hardware store for years and years doing nothing. So middle finger to him!

14. After I moved to Hollywood I quickly connected with a group of other theatre geeks and we put on a bunch of 24-Hour Plays where you have only 24 hours to write/direct/memorize a one-act play (about 20-30 minutes long) and put up a complete variety show for a paying audience that expected to laugh a bunch and be entertained. I was always one of the writer/directors and it was probably one of the hardest, most grueling things I have ever done as a writer because we had no idea until that night who was going to be in our play, or even how many people were going to be in it, which didn't leave any room for prepping anything ahead of time. We'd all get to the theatre by 10PM and start hanging out, being loud and abnoxious trying to make everyone laugh and meeting any new people. (This was pre-smart phones btw, so literally everyone was "present and in the moment" just chilling with each other and there wasn't a single person veggin' out on their phones.) Then from about 11PM-12AM all of the writer/directors would take the stage and start drawing names out of a hat to see who was going to be in our show. Then we all broke off and the writers found a quiet place to stressfully write in a state of constant and total panic checking the time every 5 minutes while all the actors were distracting us by being loud and bonding and having a blast making all of us writers both mad and jealous and questioning why we chose to be a damn writer in the first place. No one went home at that point and every single person stayed at the theatre from 10PM on like one huge slumber party with about 30-40 of your favorite funny friends. The writers only had from about midnight until 4AM to write our complete script. (So, no sleep.) At 6AM the main guy who ran the "24's" came back from Kinko's with donuts as well as all of our copies of our handwritten scripts to hand out to our new cast members so we could do a first read through and make any small changes and adjustments and plan out blocking (which is when/where you enter the stage, and where you stand, when you exit, what furniture and set pieces you would have in each scene, etc.) Each group rehearsed over and over until our lunch break at about noon. We had a 2 hour lunch break so we could go home and shower and gather costumes and props (all the while still trying to memorize lines) and you didn't DARE nap because you might not wake up in time from lack of sleep! Then we were back at the theatre for dress rehearsal followed by a tech rehearsal - where the director of each show (me being one of them) had to quickly work with the lighting/sound person and tell them all of our blocking as well as lighting and music cues that we had to design for our piece as the writer. I always had a ton of different music and light cues in my show and the lighting guy (one of my best friends at the time) both loved me and hated me as a writer because I made his job very complicated. He secretly loved it because it kept him n his toes. By that point at the dress rehearsal everyone had to be 100% off book (meaning every single thing is completely memorized because you weren't allowed to have your script in your hands during the final show because that's boring and tacky.) Again, no time for sleeping during any of that time. And at 6:30M we had an audience filling the theatre and we were going live at 7PM sharp! Then of course we would all go out to Denny's or something after to celebrate our awesome evening of totally original one-act shows and new friends. By the time I would actually get to sleep, I had been awake for about 30+ hours! We did this once a month for a while. I even talked my mom into doing one of the shows with us and we were a writing team and she made her acting debut as well. It was so much fun to share that experience with her. I'm not gonna lie, I really miss those days and all of those super awesome, creative, funny people who pushed me creatively beyond where I ever thought possible. This is part of why I am ALWAYS drawn to funny, cretive people. But damn, I miss those days. To be young and free again! LOL! 

(Ok holy crap...(wow!) so THAT was absolutely not a list and I'm failing miserably at my own assignment. Bad writer! BAD!!!)

15. One of my biggest fears as an actor was doing comedy improv, which it's all off the top of your head and nothing is planned. Determined to get over this fear and become a better performer, I joined an improv troupe and would take classes where we had to perform in front of a live (and paying!!) audience after each class. And they expected to be entertained for their money! lol! It was so stressful and so much fun!

16. I have had 2 waterbirths at home with our second and third children with a midwife team and a doula along with my husband. With baby number 3, my mom and our 6 year old daughter was also there to see her baby brother being born. It was one of the hardest, most rewarding and empowering experiences of my entire life.

17. My husband taught me how to ride a motorcycle and we would go dirt biking through the red dirt hills of Kauai.

18. I was hospitalized when I was about 7 weeks pregnant with our first born. We were living on Kauai and I contracted something that the locals called, "the jungle flu." I couldn't keep a single thing down for over a week and it was a long recovery once we got back home too. I don't know how we both survived, but we fought through it. To this day my daughter is a fighter.

19. I wrote a children's story inspired by my kids that was in a contest to become an e-book and even though I didn't win, I was one of the ones they chose to publish.

20. I wrote a one-act play that was chosen to be one of two shows that was put up as a dinner theatre when we were living on Kauai. I was part of a theater group there called, Women In Theatre.

21. I was always a go-getter when I was younger. I had a college professor once refer to me as a, "Bulldozer" to some of my classmates. I would start school clubs or I would be the president of school clubs, I was the lead in many school plays, I played on the soccer team as a goalie, in HS I was the coach of a little girls cheer team and we got 3rd in competition. I was always organizing or teaching or leading or doing something and now my anxiety and depression just gets in the way most days. I'm still trying to overcome it.

22. My husband and I moved our family of 3 out of the comfort of being near family and where we grew up and moved across the country from Southern California to start a new life in a tiny town in the countryside in Wisconsin.

23. When I was 5, I was on my cousin's horse with 2 of my other little cousins and the horse bucked up and we all fell off. I was the only one who wanted to get back on and keep riding. I feel like I'm still that little girl who gets back on the horse and keeps riding.

24. As a child I would often go to summer camp through the Girl Scouts and I didn't know another sole when I got there but I always left with a ton of new best friends. 

25. I survived through breastfeeding all 3 of my kids. My first born and I had Thrush which is incredibly painful where my toes would curl from the pain and I was sobbing every time she latched, but I was very determined to breastfeed and slowly, we got over the hump in the beginning and it became the easiest thing and wasn't painful at all. However, with each child we still had to get over that very painful hump that lasted for about the first 3 months. Some women have no issues at all with it, but I always did. I can totally see why mom's don't do it and because it's soooooo incredibly hard, a woman should never feel obligated to do it or be shamed because of it or because she choose to bottle feed. It has to be whatever works for mom and baby, and it must be the mom's choice. It's harder if you don't have any support.

26. When I was 25 years old (pre-marriage/pre-kids) I was in a dead-end, long term relationship that was stressing me out and I suffered a severe panic attack and mental breakdown and was very suicidal but I still drove myself to the emergency room and willingly entered into a "mental hospital" which ended up being a week long stay. (Thank God it was actually partially covered with insurance at the time!!) It was one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself and for my own self care. I was able to just check out of my very stressful life for a bit and focus on myself and go to different therapy sessions; group and private, art therapy and movement therapy throughout the day which was very healing for me. We even had a dog come visit us. A golden retriever and that was the best thing ever to just hug on that sweet dog!! Plus I had a room that overlooked all of the buildings in downtown Los Angeles and I would just sit in my room each night and stare out at all of the twinkling lights watch the miles of bumper to bumper traffic, all of those red and white lights slowly inching along and I would write and write which was very healing for me. 

27. The relationship I mentioned above was from 20-25 yers old, he proposed and we were starting to plan the wedding even though I knew it was a mistake and that he wasn't "the one" the minute he preposed. But I still said yes. I ended that relationship which was very hard to do, but it was the best thing for me in the long run. He wasn't my person and honestly, it should have only lasted a few months but it lasted 5 years. That was my mistake for not putting myself first. In the mental hospital I realized I needed to end that relationship even thought he was incredibly supportive during my stay or it was literally going to end up killing me if I didn't get out. He was a pretty nice guy, he just wasn't the person I wanted to marry.

28. I was voted "funniest classmate" and "best actress" by my peers in my high school drama class and that was one of the most touching awards I had ever gotten because those awards were voted on only by my classmates and because HS kids can be so brutal and harsh and judgy!! LOL!

29. I once spent my 2 days off from work writing for 8-10 hour stretches throughout the entire 2 days, not even stopping to chat with my roommate. (I prepped her ahead of time.) This was obviously during my single/pre-marriage/pre-kids days.) I literally can't imagine what that kind of free time would even look like right now. Can't even picture it. I think this might be a lie. I think I was living in some sort of dream world.

30. Whenever I can (when I have the extra energy to do so) I try to empower, encourage, inspire, lift up women, young women and especially mothers because I've been there with the crippling postpartum depression and extreme stress, anxiety and overwhelm where you feel like you are all alone. I am always finding my tribe and adding to my tribe of understanding, supportive people. 

I'm not going to lie, at first I couldn't think of anything but after I got into the flow of this I was actually thinking of more than 30 things to write about. I might continue in my journal and look back at it every time I doubt myself and my contributions to the world. I really am a total badass and I've done some really cool and amazing things and I need to celebrate myself more than I do. I am so much more than my depression and anxiety. 

If you are still reading this I really appreciate it and I thank you and I really hope you'll join me!!

Lots of love to you always!

Love,

Colleen

Day 2! That's a wrap! Woop Woop!

About the March Writing Challenge: I have decided to try to write a blog post a day for 30 days to get back into the swing of being a writer again, which is one of my true loves in this life, creatively speaking. I'm a mom during a pandemic, so we’ll see how it goes! <insert nervous laughter.> Please leave a comment below and tell me where you are joining me from and how you found my blog; IG, Google, FB, Blog follower, etc. Thanks for joining me!