Top 10 Signs You Have Officially Arrived in Toddlerville

One minute you have a tiny bundle of swaddled joy, and the next minute, that bundle is swinging from the cupboard door. If this sounds familiar to you, either you've already moved here or it's time to pack your bags.

Welcome to Toddlerville! We serve up crazy all day long!

1. Everything is edible. The shriveled square of cheese in the corner, a Cheerio some other kid left in the shopping cart, cat food, dog poop…
2. You’re exhausted all day long but have insomnia at 3:45am, and the only thing bouncing around in your brain is a song from The Wiggles.
3. You have Play-Doh stuck in your hair, finger paint up to your elbows and you just sat in something sticky.
4. The entire perimeter of your dining room table is engraved with ball point pen, and you can't get mad because it's a “picture of me giving my baby brother a love.”
5. Tiny little hand prints cover every glass surface you own including the very top of your bathroom-sink mirror - and frankly, you’re afraid to ask about that one.
6. You have about 25 sippy cups with multiple "leakproof" parts you can never find when you need them, and they all leak.
7. With your eyes closed, you can recite the words to Goodnight Moon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Pat the Bunny.
8. Everything is a toy. The half-empty dog dish covered in slobber, your cell phone with recent calls to China, your dirty flip flop that's moonlighting as a teether and a box of condoms you keep in “the drawer.”
9. You once thought of bubbles and chalk as a quiet backyard activity. Now you know it means mixing them into a paste and applying it as a face mask on the dog.
10. No matter how many fresh veggies, whole grains and "green things" your child ate as a baby, you now live in the world of "beige food": chicken nuggets, chicken fingers, chicken fries, macaroni and cheese, tater tots, enough bread to choke a small horse, noodles with butter, cheese pizza (if you can leave off the sauce that would be awesome), applesauce and corn (Toddlerdom’s approved fruits and veggies) and corn-dog bites, because if you don't remove the stick, it will be used as a weapon against the baby and big sister. The only colorful thing is the milk. It now comes in pink and brown.

How about you? Are we there yet? Or are you still living over on Sweet Baby Lane?

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*This was originally posted on November 9, 2011 for mom365 where I landed my first gig as freelance writer for mom's blogs. Click here to read more of my Top Ten Lists on Mom365.

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