A Soko Inspired Poem

Soko opening for Sean Rowe at

McCabe's Guitar Shop in Santa Monica, Ca.

  August 17, 2012

Pushing my fingers through my chest

past the bones,

feel the pain.

Lights blind my eyes as I reach in deep,

deeper down than I had planned.

There it is -

I hold my breath

in the haunting silence

of this room full of giants.

Small as a mouse I stand here bleeding...

I feel the pulse, pulse, pulsing through my fingers,

hair standing straight off my neck.

The light burning my eyes is whispering to me

letting me know I'm right where I should be.

Gasping and grasping tightly, I tug

forcing it to rip free.

Still pumping, ever pumping I pull it through the tunnel I left

to find my way out.

Because lord knows, I need a way out.

On the edge of a music stand I present this beating heart of mine as an offering to strangers in a dark room.

All of my stories, books full of stories pumping through those veins,

memories dripping, ever dripping to the floor.

My body still shrouded in pain - 

and I can't help but wonder if it's too much for this young life

as I stand here yearning for more?

I smile and trust you with my soul because if I don't I'll die from a life less lived.

I'll collapse from the weight of these words I carry on my back

and the memories will haunt my mind like a ghost floating through an attic...

...like an addict floating through a life.

So here I stand before you

naked

shattered

bones rattled bare

in my state of terrified adoration for the stage that calls me in my sleep.

And I will sing my pain for strangers in a dark room surrounded by giants

and if we all break free

ever free we will be

becoming angles who sing as one

beautifully.

-Colleen Duncan Canavan

*This poem was written after I got home from the amazing show at McCabe's Guitar Shop on August, 17, 2012.  We went to see Sean Rowe who kicked ass and whose words made us think, they made us cry, they made us laugh and at times they made us want to jump up and dance.  His soft spoken opener, Soko was charming and heartbreaking and the pain oozing out up on that stage made me want to slit my wrist half way though her set because it was so beautifully raw and touching.  After she left the stage we all looked at each other and just said, "wow!"  

This super cool evening was a birthday concert gifted to me by a very good, long time friend.  We met all the way back in kindergarden.  Thanks Leah!  This was truly a wonderful gift because you see, I am a stay at home mom who has little ones. I have a baby and a preschooler who like me to tuck them into bed at night so evenings out like this are rare. Especially when they are not with my husband who encourages me to go.  It was an awesome evening spent with wonderful people, delicious food, amazing live music and it left me feeling richly inspired - everything I ever want out of life.

Thank you!

Colleen Duncan Canavan "Coco Cana" is a freelance writer, two kids call her "mommy", a motorcycle riding hottie calls her "babe" and she is a lover of all things that burn deep within us. Except for heartburn, of course. That just sucks.  You can follow her mom's blog called, My Tales From The Crib here. 

A Post A Day Project - Day #1: Create More and Spend Less Time on Facebook!

It's no secret, I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I hate it for many reasons. There is so much negativity on there, namely on the message boards and group forums. Everyone is trying to outdo  one another and everyone is trying to school each other. Even though you can see the person's real name and profile picture for some reason that still does not keep them from spouting off their negativity for the world to read. What happened to being held accountable for your actions?  Everyone has an opinion about everything which is fine but lately it seems as though it's usually a negative one.

So for that I hate it.

Being the sensitive person that I am it can really put me in a bad mood to read all of this crap especially first thing in the morning. Which is what we've trained ourselves to do these days, right?

• Get up 
• Make coffee 
• Check facebook. 

Blah. 

So I have decided to stop checking FB first thing in the morning. Instead I'll check my online banking (Thanks Kristin for the reminder to do that daily!) and I'm going to write my post a day.  I'm not saying I'm deleting my account or anything or I'm never going back on there. I've tried that and just like the mob it sucks you back in. I never mentioned that?  Another post for another time I suppose.

Oh yea, I never got to the reasons why I love facebook. I'll have to think about that one and get back to you. Nothing comes to mind at the moment aside from being able to see updated pictures of my friends and family. Other than that.... *shrug*

Facebook Smacebook

A Post A Day Project: To Be A Writer One Needs To Write.

My mom's cousin Sherry was telling me about Carol Burnett's memoir and she said she sat down and wrote a page a day until it was done. (I'm pretty sure that is what she said. I have serious "mom brain" these days so I could be totally wrong, but you get the general idea of what I'm getting at.) So this is my attempt at writing more - a page a day.  I am by no means writing a memoir, but I do intend to write more in general. So here it goes. I plan to write whatever is the first thing that pops into my head that day just so I can get the ball rolling in my brain and get the creative juices flowing in order to work on other writing projects. But here's the kicker (for me anyway) I also plan to edit and post it to my blog everyday too, which gets hard to do with two kids running around. So there will be minimal rewrites and probably no pictures on these ones. I just want to bang it out and get it out the door.

I'm not sure how many I'll do since it's just a daily exercise for myself to pursue the creative arts as opposed to the brain numbing exercises I've been partaking in which is spending too much time on the internet filling my space with negative energy.

So...


Write everyday!

Here are some writing quotes I've found recently that I really connect with. I love websites who put things like this all on one spot for people like me who like quotes.

“You must write every single day of your life... You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads... may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.”

― Ray Bradbury

“Exercise the writing muscle every day, even if it is only a letter, notes, a title list, a character sketch, a journal entry. Writers are like dancers, like athletes. Without that exercise, the muscles seize up.”

― Jane Yolen

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” 
― Maya Angelou

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” 
― Ernest Hemingway

“You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.” 
― Saul Bellow

“No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader.” 
― Robert Frost

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” 
― Sylvia Plath

“Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” 
― Anton Chekhov

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.” 
― Stephen King, Different Seasons

"If you don't write about the things that are burning inside of you begging to come out they will one day explode all over some stranger who is sitting beside you at the doctor's office, and that my friend is never pretty."
―Colleen Duncan Canavan

Things I've learned from my 22 month old Little Man.

Dancing is contagious. It makes everyone smile and want to join in.

Laughter is contagious. It makes everyone smile and want to join in.

Why walk when you can run?

Why talk when you can shout?

Even babies can have manners.

Sometimes all you need is your mommy.

Sometimes all you need is your baby.

Sometimes all you need is your sissy.

Sometimes all you need is your daddy.

Sometimes all you need is your thumb.

Dancing to the music in your head makes everyone laugh.

Imagination is awesome!  Everything is a car, every surface is driveable and everything likes to crash.

Everyone loves a ball!  They are for kicking, throwing and cuddling. 

Being pushed around by your sissy (in a toy car) can be the most fun ever!

Hats are for throwing like a frisbee. Unless it's mommy's. In that case I want to wear it to the store.

Bibs are for suckers.

Decathlon for toddlers.

Couch Diving, Table Jumping, Counter Climbing and Dirty Diaper Marathon. Decathlon for toddlers.

I'm not a sports fan, but I sure do love me some Olympics!!

Watching the "Olies" aka the Olympics every single night since the opening ceremonies (yes, you read that right, "every-single-night") I'm starting to feel like a bit of a sports under achiever.  I was never really a sports girl growing up. I played soccer and I liked it as a kid but I was never super competitive (btw, it's totally OK to read into that, that "I wasn't very good." haha.) I was the goalie one season, I think I was in 4th grade and I did quite well as goalie since I was tall for my age. However, we had a really good team that year so I didn't see much action down at my end. In fact during one game where we were dominating I got so bored I actually sat down and started making a daisy chain necklace - during the game. Let's just say my coach wasn't thrilled by that. However, that was the season I made my first goal in a sudden death shoot out, and I saved every shot but one, which won us a spot in the semi-finals! So that is my crowning glory in sports achievement. That season I was either the goalie or a defender. Back then we called them "full-backs."  So if you were way back there you weren't the one up on the front lines making goals. So when my coach told me I was one of the "kickers" for the sudden death shoot out, I was pretty excited. After I made my first goal I did cart wheels all the way down the field.  I'm pretty sure that coincided with the 1984 Olympics which was held in Los Angeles, Ca and Mary Lou Retton was dominating the gymnastics scene that year.  (Remember her perfect 10 on the vaults?) I pretty much did cartwheels in lieu of walking the entire summer. My grandparents lived down in San Clemente, Ca a few blocks from the ocean and I did cartwheels the entire way down the hill to the beach, to the end of the pier and back and all the way back UP the hill. I was 8 so I had the stamina and since I thought I was Mary Lou Retton I was going for the gold, naturally and I didn't want to let my team down. The most awesome part of this story is that I had a broken arm so my left arm was in a cast from my finger tips to above my elbow (in a bent position.) So all of my cartwheels were one handed. Even the up-hill ones.  Like I said, I totally thought I was Mary Lou Retton, so a silly little broken arm wasn't going to stop me from doing my favorite thing in the world as an 8 year old (who was going for a gold medal - let's not forget that part.) I have a picture somewhere. I'll have to find it and scan it on here.

By the way, in case you're wondering about our Olympic consumption aka obsession, we don't just watch a few events each night here and there, we've been watching every event, every night from 8-midnight since it started.

We sure do love us some Olympics!


(In case you don't remember Mary Lou Retton's perfect 10 on the vaults, here you go.  Enjoy!)

My Summer Bucket List

Ahhh, the lazy days of summer...

Today is August 1st and to some, that means that summer is almost over. The stores are getting rid of their cool camping gear and fun beachy things and replacing them with back packs, trapper keepers and pee chee folders.

....Uh-oh, did I just totally date myself?

   

Don't let September creep up on you without doing all of the things you talked about way back in June.  This one is for the "list makers" of the group. You know who you are.

My Summer Bucket List:

• Watch as much of the 2012 Olympic Summer Games as possible! **(Ok so the 2012 Olympic Summer Games are long over but I'm sure you'll think of something good here!)**
• Take a picnic dinner to the rest of the concerts in the park.
• Visit my all time favorite beach, San Clemente and splash around in the waves.
• Pitch a tent and have a camp out in the back yard with the kids.
• Take surf lessons or SUP lessons.
• Have a bon fire and roast marshmallows. 
• Fly a kite.
• Catch the evening fireworks at Disneyland.
• Girls Night Out!
• Make homemade ice cream.
• Go on a date with my hubby, dine al fresco and drink wine.
• Eat all dinners on our patio under our "Paris lights."
• Take walks after dinner and enjoy the cool evening air.
• Find a recipe for and make a jello salad (the kind with cream cheese and a pretzel crust from my childhood.)
• Go for a bike ride.
• BBQ with friends.
• Have my hubby teach me how to ride his shovelhead.
• Spend the day at the water park and get a cabana.
• Take morning walks through the park with the kids and lie on the grass looking for shapes in the clouds.
• Plant more stuff in our garden.
• Write more.
• Find a good book to read.
• Simplify, streamline and de-stress our lives.  (Or at least figure out how to!)
• Spend more quality time relaxing and enjoying life OUTSIDE and spend less time indoors on the computer!!!!!

What's on your bucket list?

  

To continue reading more from My Tales From The Crib, click here

Juicing with Mommy A.K.A "The Veggie Sneaker!"

I love my juicer.  Or I should say, "I LOOOOOOOOOOVE MY JUICER!!!!!" because that is how I really feel about it.

Today I made Watermelon Juice and it was a big hit. However, I didn't really mention exactly what was in it.  If I did that I knew I wouldn't get many takers. Including the big kid of the family - my husband!

This is how I made our breakfast Watermelon Juice: (Everything went in raw with skins on unless otherwise noted.)

Watermelon (Several large slices - remove rind)

2 handfuls of chopped up organic Kale*

1 1/2 small organic Zucchini

1 large organic Cucumber

1/2 organic Bell Pepper (orange)

2 large stalks of organic Celery and 2 small (with leaves still on)

4 large organic Carrots 

This made enough juice for my husband to take some to work in a large travel mug, the kids each had about 1/2 of a sippy cup worth and I had about 16+ oz over ice.  Everyone thought it was pretty yummy!  Kale* is a bit hard for us to eat raw since it's very strong in flavor so we are only using a bit of it at first to ease into it.  It's very good for you though so I try to add it into all of my juices, but if I put too much it overpowers it and no one drinks it, including me.  Trader Joe's finally has a prepackaged, washed and chopped up bag of raw organic kale so this is what I got the other day and I've been really happy with it since I can just reach in and take a handful. 

A Note On Using Organics: Since I'm not removing any skins for my juice except for the watermelon rind I like to use as much organic produce as possible to reduce the amount of pesticides and harmful chemicals we're ingesting.  
Buying Guide: When buying organic produce I tend to follow the Dirty Dozen list that was put out by EWG (Environmental Working Group) who tested each fruit and veg on the list to see which ones contain the most pesticide residue. You can print out this list and keep it in your purse or wallet so you'll always have it with you at the store or farmers market.  According to the EWG website, "You can lower your pesticide intake substantially by avoiding the 12 most contaminated fruits and vegetables and eating the least contaminated produce."  
What is the #1 most contaminated fruit on the list? Apples! 
Farmers Markets: It's important to know too that not all produce at the farmers market is organic. To be sure you are buying and paying for organic produce, you need to ask each stand before you buy. I always try to ask the farmer who owns the stand if they are there, or the manager of the stand as they are your best bet in getting an honest answer regarding the produce. 

Be sure to buy a rainbow of colors and don't forget your reusable bags!  

Happy Juicing!

To continue reading more from My Tales From The Crib, click here

Calling All Organized Moms! Please Share Your Secrets!

The number one complaint I hear from other moms (as well as myself) is, "I can't ever get anything done!"  So I've decided to put together a list of tips to help mom's like you and me get some new moves to help us achieve some sense of order to our daily lives as mothers of young children. Some of us are better than others at achieving this goal on a daily basis and I'm well aware of my limitations, so I am looking for Organized Moms to spill the beans about how to keep everything in balance.  We're looking for your best tips and tricks to getting through the day, getting it all done and still having time left over to have a few minutes for yourself.  

What's that you say?  Time for yourself?....do I hear laughter coming from the other side of the computer screen?  

I realize this picture of "balanced mom perfection" is impossible to achieve on a daily basis (at least for me it is), so think about your most organized days and let us in on your secrets as to how you were able to pull that off!

• Do you wake up a few hours before the kids to get ready for the day?  
• Do you make several meals at once or order take-out once a week to save on prep/cooking time?  
• Do you clean and organize after the kids have gone to bed?  
• Do you hire a sitter every once in a while so you can get things done or just take a break?  
• Do you do your shopping during the weekends so hubby can stay home to watch the kids while you run errands? 
• If you work outside of the home do you run errands on your lunch break?  
• Does your husband cook, clean or share the bulk of the chores?  

What are your best kept Organized Mom Secrets?


Please feel free to share your tips here on this blog in the comments section, on our facebook page or you can email me your tips.  Those are the best ways for me to be sure to see your comments. Otherwise, I'll do my best to track down all FB comments and post them in a future article for us all to benefit from!  Be sure to follow this blog so you don't miss out on any of our Organized Mom Tips and pass this along to all of the organized moms in your life so they can share with us too!  

Are you UBER Organized and want to be featured on our blog?  For those of you who feel that being an organized mom is an art form (you know who you are!) and you want to share more of your wisdom please email me your story as I will be looking for organized moms to feature in upcoming blog articles!  

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Top 10 Things Your Baby's Daddy Wants To Add To The Registry

(This was written in 2012 for the Mom365 Baby Registry)

Top Ten Things Your Baby's Daddy Wants To Add To The Registry

By Coco Cana

Ahhh, The baby registry. You once again get to comb the store isles with a gun zapper searching for all of the things you "MUST HAVE!"  Only this time instead of thinking you are a Kardashian scanning the barcodes of fancy $95 a plate china, $400 espresso machines, and $150 sheet sets (600 thread count, of course) like you did for your wedding registry you and your man are trying to figure out what all of this stuff is, how you are supposed to use it and what you are actually going to need for the tiny baby growing inside of you. Bassinets, breastpumps and baby books oh my!  And let's face it, is your guy really helping?  Read on to find out what he wants to put on the registry and why....

1. A boppy. You nod in agreement until he says, “that would make an awesome neck pillow on the airplane!”

2. A new drill. “Since I'm gonna be putting a lot of things together.”

3. An ipad. “For reading books to the baby.”

4. A race car bed. Then he asked the salesman, “Can I get this in a California King?”

5. A foos ball table.  After noticing the expression on your face he says, “What?...you said you wanted the baby to be athletic.”

6. The Star Wars Trilogy on Blu-Ray. “So I can start educating the baby on 'the classics.'”

7. John Deer Tractor. When you gave him 'the look' he said, “oh...I mean, the kid-sized one.”

8. A shot gun. “Since we're having twin girls I know I'm gonna need one someday.”

9. Zombie Survival Kit. “You said you wanted to be prepared, right?”

10. A Camo Diaper Dude. “For daddy's day out with baby so mama can sleep in.” (Awww! This one got him a big kiss right in the diaper bag isle!)

Please share your registry story.  Were there any ridiculous requests coming from the peanut gallery or were you guys actually on the same page with some stuff?

To read more from My Tales From The Crib click here.