October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here's how you can learn more, give help and get help.
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| To The Teenage Girl Who Got Punched In The Face By Her Boyfriend After Trying To Break Up With Him |
You do not deserve to be punched in the face by anyone, let alone by someone who claimed to love you - someone you loved in return and trusted to keep you safe from harm.
You should not feel bullied to stay with a boy or any man or woman for that matter, who is aggressive toward you, who threatens you, who makes you feel unsafe, who makes you feel less than your worth, who belittles you, who bullies you, who frightens you, who calls you terrible names (cunt, bitch, whore, slut, stupid, worthless idiot ARE terrible names), who picks fights with you just for the sake of fighting, who makes you feel like you are walking on egg shells around him all the time, who makes you afraid to make him angry, who keeps you from seeing or talking to your family and friends, who slaps you, who pushes you, who pinches you, who flinches at you in an aggressive way like he's going to punch you but doesn't - this time.
Abuse is not just physical. It can be mental, emotional, sexual-
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I heard your cries for help (it still sends a chill down my spine) and watched him storm off in anger and I rushed to you. We don't know each other, yet immediately my hand went to your shoulder as you sat in your car to try to comfort you - wanting to hug you and not let go. Once I knew you were safe and that police were on the way the words just flew out of my mouth without a filter - even though it wasn't my place to give my opinion since I don't know you or your situation.
"I'm so sorry he hit you. You are worth so much. You are a strong, beautiful girl and you do not deserve this. No matter what happened or what you are fighting about, you do not deserve to be punched in the face."
I learned that he punched you and threw you on the ground a few days before when you tried to break up with him. Him punching you just now was a result of you breaking up with him for good.
"Your boyfriend needs help, I said, and you are not the one who is responsible for getting him that help. He needs to get help himself."
I couldn't stop the words from coming out - tears starting to build up behind my eyes even though I was trying the hardest I ever have to hold them back to stay strong while you cried. You got out of your car to hug me as I told you I was staying until police came.
"Don't ever be with anyone who treats you like that. You deserve so much. Much more than he is capable of giving you."
The police came right away, I hugged you again and told you my name and where I lived. "I'm here for you. You're not alone."
I gave the police my statement about what I saw and where he went and what he was wearing then rushed to pick my daughter up from school, as I knew she would most likely be playing on the playground waiting for me to get there. I also made the decision to tell my children small details of what happened. I was visibly upset when I got to the playground and my 5 & 1/2 year old and toddler were in the car as I rushed out to help her. He saw all of the police cars and saw that I was hugging a crying stranger. I had to tell him what was going on - only an edited version appropriate for a small child. This was real life happening right before his eyes. We shelter so much of what they see on TV, movies, video games and anything online, yet he saw the aftermath of a domestic violence situation - something he never even knew existed since he comes from a loving family who uses words as opposed to physical violence to solve problems. From the car you could see the goose-egg sized red welt popping out of her cheek. There was no avoiding some sort of conversation.
"That girl I was hugging had a boyfriend who wasn't nice to her so she didn't want to be friends with him anymore. She is allowed to do that, just as you are allowed to do that if someone isn't being nice to you or treating you with love and respect. And when she said she didn't want to be friends with him anymore and that she didn't want to ever see him again he got so mad he hit her. In the face?" He asked, noticing her face. "Yes." I said, knowing how horrible that must sound. "We're not allowed to hit anyone at school. You'd get in BIG trouble if you hit someone in the face. He shouldn't have hit her. You don't hit people. That's really bad."
My son is in kindergarten and he already gets it.
That started the dialogue with my children who are 8 1/2 and almost 6 years old. A dialogue that had a strong emphasis on being brave and strong and standing up to bullies, protecting and helping those who need our help, not ever letting a boyfriend, a girlfriend, (and someday) a husband or wife, a stranger or even a friend or family member treat you with anything other than love, respect, honor and care. A dialogue that will continue in order to educate and empower them.
How do you know if you are in an abusive relationship (of any kind):
“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?
Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you?
Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did?
Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you?
Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you?
Has he ever threatened to hurt you?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
To find more inspiring quotes on GoodReads about domestic violence and by survivors of domestic violence click here.
How do I get help for myself or someone I know who is being abused?
The National Domestic Abuse Hotline http://www.thehotline.org/
or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224 if you feel that your computer history is being monitored. You can always log into a computer for free at your local public library. Create a fake yahoo or gmail account if you have to. Just get help!
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here's how you can learn more, give help and get help. (Click HERE)
Help a stranger. Help a loved one. Help yourself. You deserve more.
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| Image found online and being used for educational purposes only. I do not own this picture. If it belongs to you please contact me so I can give you credit. If you would like me to remove it please contact me and I will remove it. Thank you. |
Image found online and being used for educational purposes only. I do not own this picture. If it belongs to you please contact me so I can give you credit. If you would like me to remove it please contact me and I will remove it. Thank you.
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| Help a stranger. Help a loved one. Help yourself. You deserve more. |
