My Heart Goes Out To Boston. Trying to cope with tragedy while being a mom.

As a stay-at-home mom of two small children who are 5 and 2, my ability and willingness to stay informed via the television or internet news videos during a national tragedy is very limited. Like most moms of small children who are still at home during the day, I do not expose them to anything on the news - especially things of a graphic, tense, scary or disturbing nature. Therefore, I am somewhat in the dark when it comes to the intricate details of school shootings, theater shootings, mass bombings, or major natural disasters like earthquakes, floods, hurricanes and tsunamis. Which I guess you could say is a good thing. I'm aware of them and my heart goes out to the victims and their loved ones but since I've become a mom, I'm just not devouring the details like everyone else. I learned my lesson with Columbine. There wasn't a detail about that entire experience I couldn't recite and it became very unhealthy.

Part of my reason for avoiding the details is that it's hard to separate your reality from it and part of it is the need for everyone to share such graphic photos of the victims on the internet as well as the nightly news, and then talk about the details of the events with children present or within ear shot. I'd like to ask people to please be mindful of the information the little ones in your life might be soaking up from the media or from your conversations with others.

I know for myself I take on too much of the negativity and internalize it and dwell on it and the fact that I can't help those poor people. It eventually manifests itself into anger or depression, especially when I want to help but don't really have a realistic way to help out from across the country other than writing a check to a major organization like the Red Cross or something.

As a mom I have to face these things differently. So in between naps, snacks, crafts and preschool drop offs/pick ups I check-in on facebook or CNN online, etc., to watch the death toll rise - feeling utterly helpless.

I follow a local news channel on facebook and today they posted about the Boston Marathon bombings  and I read a comment made by a mother who tagged her adult son asking him or anyone who knows him to please contact her. She had not heard from him yet and she was getting worried because she was pretty sure he was running the marathon since he runs many of the major marathons across the country.  I hope she finds him to be OK.  In my twitter feed I read a tweet from a women I follow who said that her sister's nephew lost a leg today in the bombings. It's hard to keep reading about the tragedy because with events like this I find myself spacing out in this fog of devastating information, tears and deep sadness and then my toddler runs up and says, "mama, I have to go poo poo" and then breaks into hysterical laughter from his own gas.  Not to make light of the situation or to disrespect the victims or their families, this is just my reality at the moment.  Children have this way of reminding us of our present reality regardless of any major disaster or devastation that is going on in the world around us - and I'm grateful to them for that.

My heart goes out to you Boston.  You are in my thoughts. You are in my prayers. You are on my mind today and the coming days. I hope we can all find the answers we need.

Today my preschooler and I decided to paint with water colors. It was a gloomy day for reasons other than just the funky weather and painting seemed like the best solution for us to bring some light into our day even though she had no idea what happened in Boston today.

We found ourselves painting rainbow hearts. It wasn't really planned, it was just something our brushes were guiding us to do. I'm dedicating our paintings to the victims and families of the Boston Marathon bombings today. We're calling them Hearts For Boston and I'm posting them on our facebook page too. I hope it inspires someone else to create Hearts For Boston too. If you do then please be sure to post it on our page so we can share it and spread some love to the victims and their families. There is so much negativity surrounding the event and trying to find out who did it and why we tend to loose sight that people are hurting both physically and mentally and we need to support them with love. Our world needs more love, I know that for sure.

Painted for one of the young victims of the Boston Marathon bombings. I would love to somehow send this to his family but I'm not sure where to send it. If you have any suggestions on where I could send it please let me know in the comments section. Thank you!!

Heart Angel

Summer 5 - Purple Rainbow Heart - watercolor.
Hearts For Boston

Summer 5 - Hugs & Kisses Rainbow Heart - watercolor and pen.
Hearts For Boston

Sending All Our Love To Boston - watercolor
Hearts For Boston

Peace, Love and Light.

Listening To The Whispers Of Your Heart. A Letter To My Children.

A letter to my children about turning life's lemons into lemonade and about finding your true passions in life. Listen to your mother and read this when you are feeling down.  Mama loves you.  xo

My precious Kiddie Cats,

When life gives us physical or mental pain to deal with and process and heal from, it also gives us time to reflect on stronger days. During this reflection we have the opportunity to either focus on all of the bad, or choose to scrape past the darkness in order to see the light - even if it takes longer than we'd like. Don't give up. Don't ever give up. We have to believe there is light or else the darkness will become too great and may pull us down deeper forever. 

Very recently, I have started on a journey - a path to positivity. On this journey I will surround myself with the things that fill my heart with deep happiness and great joy. You of course will be there on this journey with me, for your existence in my life is the greatest most magical gift I have ever been given. Without you and daddy, my life is not complete. The quickest way to reach this path for me is through nature. When I'm surrounded by nature and beauty, sunshine and fresh air I feel my soul waking up trying to speak to me. My body feels alive and electric. It's time to block out the noise so I can hear it. I've been stubborn for far too long.

We have the power within us to overcome our set backs and take back the life and the joy that may have left for a while. It is OK to feel sadness when sadness comes. But it is important to seek out the happiness and focus your thoughts and energy into reaching your happiness again. Don't dwell on your sadness. Learn from it. Learn how to deal with it the next time it finds you. Today I spent a little bit of time alone breathing deeply, exhaling the negativity and looking inward as I walked along the ocean shore, toes digging into the sand and enjoying the crisp March water. I've been going to the chiropractor to deal with a recent back injury that has left me needing more help in all areas of our lives for the past month from Grammy and Daddy. When this happens as it has happened before, there is a guilt I can't describe that comes over me because I'm not able to be the mother I want to be physically and mentally - the mother you deserve because my pain is so great. I allowed it to take hold too tightly this time and I apologize for that. I'm learning how to shed the guilt. I'm choosing to look at it differently now and in the future and I'm putting all of my focus on healing, strength and positivity. 

This is what I came away with from my walk in the sunshine. This is my message for you today. I hope you read it when you need comfort and encouragement, support and love. For that is my forever gift to you.  

My children-

Be still and find your joy.

There is greatness to be found in taking the time to stop the daily merry-go-round from whirling so that you can truly focus on your surroundings and find the happiness in the pockets of stillness. 

In stillness comes creativity.

In peacefulness comes contentment. 

In quietness comes discovery.

There is always something to be found when there is nothing.

Discover the joy of nothing.

When we quiet the mind we awaken the soul and are able to hear the whispers of our heart. These heart whispers are the keys to unlock your inner peace and happiness. Once you start listening to the whispers of your heart you will discover the words to the song of your soul for these heart whispers are never wrong, my loves. 

They will never lie to you. 

They are your destiny. 

They are your truth. 

They form the beautiful garden of your life.

They have always been and always will be there. 

So sing your song and let it escape your lips loudly. 

Sing it everyday. 

Sing it every night.

Teach me the words so that I may sing it for you if you feel too weak to sing yourself.

Feel the words.

Breathe the words.

Be the words. 

Do not ever forget the song of your soul and most importantly, do not ever let anyone try to change your song to something they can sing easier or something that they like better. 

For you my child are the only one who hears your own heart whispers so that you can write your own song.

You hold the power to your happiness.

Oh, and don't forget your sunscreen because a life full of happiness is a life full of sunshine. 

Love,

Mommy

*Written by Colleen Duncan Canavan 3-2-13

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Happy Thank You Day! Come Share Your Page!

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Hey Friends, According to Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, it's Thank You Day!  (But you knew that.)

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