The Birthday Interview: 20 Questions For Your Child On Their Birthday (Revised)

My wild, carefree, Spirited Child, nature girl is turning 7 in a few days and I wanted to hold on to 6 for a bit longer and capture some of her 6 year old aspirations, hopes, wishes, dreams and things she holds dear to her heart. Over the next few days I will be asking her these questions and writing them down.

On the way to nature school today we were talking about her birthday and I asked her what were some cool things that happened during her 6th year and she said, "going to Legoland with her cousins, going to the aquarium, going to Disneyland with family friends, etc.," and I realized that I should probably ask her some more specific questions to really get a sense of who she is right now as opposed to just a laundry list of places we went to and spent money - even if they were fun experiences - I want to remember things that really matter like spending quality time with the people you love.

This year for her birthday she has decided she wants to take a 'real' surfing lesson for her birthday party. We've had our longboard for a few years now and we've been taking the kids out surfing a few times and they just love it. Miss Nature Girl loves to swim and has gotten quite good over the years and is a natural at surfing as well. The first time my husband pushed her out on the board she popped right up like a piece of pop corn and rode the wave all the way to the shore. It was really cool. We go to this great family spot with a bunch of young kids learning to surf on these tiny rollers and everyone is very supportive. As she was riding in her first wave a few teenage girls were in the water cheering her on. It was pretty awesome!  I look forward to our birthday surfing lesson for sure!

These are some of the questions I'll be asking her for her birthday interview. Some of the questions might not be very typical to ask a young child, but I thought it would be fun to hear what an almost 7 year old had to say about things like the meaning of life.


Birthday Interview
1. What was a new skill you learned this year?
2. List your very favorite books.
3. If you could travel to any place in the world where would it be and why?
4. What has been your most fun age so far and why?
5. What is your favorite thing to do with Daddy?
6. What is your favorite thing to do with Mama?
7. What is your favorite thing to do with siblings?
8. What is your favorite thing to learn about?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up and why?
10. What is your favorite thing to watch on TV?
11. What is your favorite food?
12. What are some of your favorite animals? *I know she will not be able to list just one since she is an animal girl. 
13. What is your favorite movie?
14. What is your favorite game?
15. What are your favorite lovies?
16. What are your favorite toys?
17. If you could do anything and go anywhere today what and where would it be?
18. What do you think it's like to be a grown-up?
19. What is your favorite way to be helpful? At home? Helping the Earth/environment? Helping other people? Helping animals? Helping nature? Helping yourself?
20. What do you think the most important thing in life is? What makes a happy life?

I'm going to add more questions as I think of them or as conversation inspires. So check back for more...

21. If you could be any animal what would you be and why?
22. What are your favorites ride at Disneyland?
23. What are your favorite sports or outside activities?
24. If you could give any amount of money to help anyone or anything in the world what would it be and why?

 What questions would be on your list?

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My Spirited Crystal Wonder Girl - Part:1

I am the mother of a Spirited Child. She was brought here to take me on a journey to find myself, to better myself and to change who I am. I am exhausted. I feel like a failure most of the time because what works today will most likely not work tomorrow. I feel like I'm lost in the woods without any markers to get me home. I feel like a horse that is refusing to be broken...but knows I should be because then life will be a lot easier. You see, I too am a Spirited Child, so I'm stubborn. I too am strong willed, demanding, persistent, have big dreams and am far too observant for my liking... I too seek to change the world and demand greatness from others, especially when they are not living their true passions. I am the mother of a Spirited Child and these are my observations.

Part 1: A Rough Draft.

Her energy is unmatched and refuses to be harnessed. Her laugh can be heard miles away, her cries break the sound barrier, and the term, "Daredevil" doesn't even begin to describe it.

All things nature course through her veins and she is truly at peace when digging in the mud, building castles of sand, inspecting insects hiding in the grass, studying animals in the wild or holding a red wiggler from her worm compost bin.

She talks to animals...I mean she actually communicates with them. They trust her, they flock to her and they are comforted by her.  Butterflies have landed on her shoulder. Cats run to her from out of nowhere and fall at her feet. Lizards and grasshoppers have walked out of the bushes across the concrete into her open palm - on more than one occasion. Lady bugs crawl the length of her body until the wind finally carries them away several minutes later. A dragonfly landed on her arm and stayed there long enough for her to show it off to her nature school classmates. Bees like to be near her as she whispers songs to them and asks if she can pick their lavender - and I have never seen so many hummingbirds in my life like I have seen in her presence.

The rain calls to her and she must run through it and catch it in buckets and marvel at the waterfall gushing off of her umbrella as she is standing under a rain gutter.

She appears to be almost reborn in very windy weather and she loves to embrace it face on, laughing wildly, eyes twinkling, arms outstretched as if she were hugging the universe.

If she could dine alfresco under our Paris patio lights every single day of the year she'd be a happy girl.

She cares deeply for her baby brother and is so in-tune with him she could tell me what he was thinking and successfully predicted what he was going to do as a baby from the day he was born.  She also knew he was going to be a boy way before he was born and never once wavered on her "guess."  She was two years old when she made her accurate prediction.  She gave him his nick name when he was one week old and over two years later she still calls him, Bay (short for Baby.)

Although she is her mother's daughter, I am clearly no match for the extreme changes in mood and full throttle pace she insists on living her daily life. There are times where I feel as if I'm dealing with a seasoned hostage negotiator, or a powerful lawyer arguing a high profile case. And don't let her age fool you, she's been able to McGuyver her way out of any sticky situation since she could walk. Many times I have become tangled in the intricate booby-trap of string, ribbon and dangling toys tied to the door handles, light fixtures and bedposts in her room.  We're still trying to figure out who taught her how to tie double knots.

The words, "You can't" are an invitation to prove you wrong.
The word, "No" is merely a stepping stone to the word, "yes."
The words, "Not now" are just road blocks that she crashes through on her way to, "how about now?"
The words, "You CAN do it" will be met with, "But I caaaaaan't"as she flings her body onto the floor to claim her position...unless it was her idea.

She is the princess in the top of the tower because she scaled it's walls and climbed up there herself. However, there is no need to rescue her because she'll either repel down in her make-shift harness or she'll fly down with wings she's fashioned from an old sheet, a hair clip and a belt.

She is the knight and the dragon fighting to the death in the same battle.

She is the life of the party, the party promoter, the party crasher, the party pooper and the cops busting it up - all in the same night.

She is my little Jane Goodall fully immersed in the animal kingdom.

She is my joy, she is my tears, she is my frustration, she is my reflection, she is my laughter, she is my anger, she is my hope, she is my treasure, she is my exhaustion, she is my pride beaming from my chest and the burning lump in my throat as I choke back tears of happiness when I watch her accomplishments and she is the one who will keep me on my toes for the rest of my days.

She is the baby girl who was determined to survive and thrive during a very bad illness I contracted when I was 7 weeks pregnant with her that had us very worried. She is the baby girl who bruised my ribs from the inside from kicking me so hard for weeks on end when I was pregnant with her. She was the baby girl who demanded a grand entrance at birth and came when she was darn good and ready - 5 days late. She is the baby girl who reached up and touched my face within seconds of being born and held it there for the longest time while we both cried looking into each others eyes.

She is my wild horse running free through the morning mist along the sand.
She is the unyielding waves crashing against the rocky shore taking pieces of it with them.
She is my colorful bird soaring high above the earth and then diving straight down into the ocean without a splash.
She is my sea otter pup surfing the waves without any fear.
She is my puppy dog running down the street who broke free from the gate, tongue wagging in the wind, looking back with laughter in her eyes because she knows she'll never be caught and has no plans to return on "The Man's" schedule.

She is the quiet drifting of the clouds in the sky and the thunder rolling in for an unexpected storm all in the same afternoon.

My darling daughter,
Your smile has the wattage of 1000 suns
You have the power of the ocean pumping through your body the entire time you are awake.
The dreams you speak of sound like magical fairy lands with winged unicorns soaring through purple skies and dragons and butterflies all talking to you - the stuff found only in the movies.

You are my dream and my reality. My bright sun and my full moon. My gray skies and my pouring rain, my mud puddles and my rainbow. The sand beneath my feet and the cool waves trickling past my toes. You are my tiger and my lamb. You are the laughter in my ear as you move the hair away from my eyes and the tiny lego I step on at 2am while walking to the bathroom in the dark.

You are my sweet, fiery girl and I love you with every single fiber of my being. Thank you for choosing me to be your mother and for teaching me patience and understanding and how to look at the world through different eyes.


Love,
Mommy

"The best thing you've ever done for me is to help me take my life less seriously. 

It's only life after all."

-Indigo Girls

The Battle of Nigh-Nigh: Getting Our Spirited Child To Sleep.

When you were born and we finally got you to go down after many dances with daddy listening to soft music, you slept like a baby - you woke every two hours all throughout the night to nurse.  In between those hours you snuggled sweetly between daddy and I, swaddled in your baby blanket, or sometimes in your bassinet that was pushed right up against my body, not moving a muscle, your eyes closed tightly off in a baby wonderland.

As a one year old we were living in the land of the "Sleepy Drive."  This drive was our night time routine and it was carried out faithfully for God only knows how long. It actually started before you were a year old because we'd make the drive down to Poipu Beach when we were living on Kauai. But daddy and I actually enjoyed many of those quiet starlit evenings driving around in the dark through fields of tall cane grass until you drifted off to sleep. Once in bed however,  you woke every 45 minutes all throughout the night to nurse and nurse and nurse and nurse and nurse. I don't think you actually ever "slept."  Or I should say I never slept. During the minutes where you'd finally break your latch, roll over and drift off to a light slumber - my "exhale moment", you thrashed your tiny body around the bed between daddy and I like crashing waves on the rocks. Your arms and legs kicking wildly as if you were swimming to shore through the raging water. It was a good night if we only got kicked in the eye or punched in the jugular a few times. You might have been "sleeping" but your body never stopped moving. Never. As a baby daddy would say you are "full throttle til you run out of gas." Truer words were never spoken.

As a two year old (who had even more energy if you can imagine that) you had a very, very, very long nigh-nigh routine that lasted hours. "No way!"  "Yes way!"  It consisted of a pre-tub sprint around the circle of our house, a long leisurely bubble tub that would make a Greek Goddess jealous, several books, as well as a verbal story, followed by a made up song, a slow dance and then a rock in the chair til you finally drifted off. I'm exhausted just writing it. Daddy and I took shifts in the beginning. This is how it all went down. After a very long dinner we come to Part One: The Running Of The Babies. It was just as hectic as The Running Of The Bulls in Spain. Something I'm sure you'll partake in someday. We called this the "Naked Baby Chase" and you wore us both out after several laps. The house we were living in at the time had a complete circle through the house. It connected the kitchen to the hall, a bedroom, another hall near the bathroom, through the living room and dining room and back to the kitchen. This was your track and you were training for a marathon. Like any top athlete, you took your training very seriously. You just kept running and running and running and running at full speed ahead, laughing like a hyena, eyes flashing with electricity every time you passed us on the side lines cheering you on trying to pinch your booty. You were a tiny, battery charged Forrest Gump. Then there was the tub portion of the evening - when we finally got you in there that is. This lasted a good 45 minutes to an hour and a half. The water was cold after several attempts to drain some of the cold and add more hot, swish it around to warm it up - repeat. Tub time ended when there was no more hot water to be had in the entire house. It did not end happily, let me tell you, even after an hour and a half. Then we come to the routine of drying you off. The made-up song I had to sing to dry your hair because you HATED for me to dry your hair and the song helped somewhat. I had to use a towel because you HATED the sound of a blow dryer. Even in a public restroom. I didn't blame you though. It's very loud. I can only imagine how loud it must sound to very sensitive two year old ears. Then the picking of the jammies. They had to be the right ones. Not too scratchy, no tags in our way, nothing itchy, not too hot, not too cold. Sometimes there would be several changes until we got it just right and even then more times than not we'd end up sleeping in only our diaper all night long anyway. As any parent with a Spirited Child will agree, any break in the routine or any attempts to speed it up only ended in heartbreak - for daddy and I. I'd like to remind you that mommy was pregnant with Baby #2 and tired. Oh-so-very-tired during this two year old stretch of wild animal life. We haven't really even gotten to the meat of our night time routine yet and it's been close to 2 hours. Add on the evenings festivities of books and entertainment provided by the "parent du jour" and we've got another hour plus. Now it's time for lights out. She knew it was coming, we knew it was coming and every one of us knew it wasn't going to be pretty and it wasn't going down without a fight. Kisses and loves, lights off and out the door closing it behind me only to find my darling cherub turning the doorknob ever so slowly to poke her smiling face out of the door about 22 seconds later. Anticipating her arrival I stood in the hallway (faithfully doing my deep prenatal yoga squats and various Bradley Method exercises) until she came to the door. I'd then usher her back in there along with some tears, more kisses and I love you's and sweet dreams wishes, shampoo-rinse-repeat for a good 45 minutes or so and sometimes yes sometimes it even ended with a sleepy drive - even after all that! Those were on the nights where our patience was non-existent and that was our last resort. Our gas budget had required us to use this as a last resort after a few years of nightly 20+ minute drives in very large circles at night. However, after all those hours spent squatting in the hallway I was extremely fit and limber and ready for Baby #2 to come along since I had so much time to prep my joints and muscles every night for most of my pregnancy. Once Baby #2 came along though, daddy was permanently up at bat in the nightly game of nigh-nigh so it took on a new form. One that he molded into what worked for them. Daddy recalls standing outside your door as well counting the seconds to see how long it would take til you popped out and needed to be ushered back in. "One hundred and one, one hundred and two..." He said if he was able to get to 200 then you were most likely asleep. Sometimes he'd only get to "one hundred and seven" before you poked your sweet lil face through the crack of the door. Prior to the hallway counting there was a lot of holding and swaying to one of daddy's famous made up songs. Something a very pregnant mama could no longer do. Even in a rocking chair. It just wasn't comfortable anymore which is very bittersweet to be honest. The end of an era spent with just me and Baby Girl rocking for hours and hours in that pink rocking chair.

As a three year old it was much of the same as when you were two except for adding Baby #2 in the mix of dinner time, bathtub time, jammies time, book reading time on top of you - the three year old trying to get more mileage out of the whole nigh-nigh routine. How can you possibly add more time to that you ask?  It's possible. We fondly referred to you as the "Dilly Dally Queen" on occasion. However, at three "we" were way more vocal, way more savvy and knew exactly how to work the system. We'd pick at our meal during dinner time only to try to finagle eating a full "4th meal" after bath time. Because we didn't want her to go to bed hungry we'd let her eat a snack. She snacked all day so she wouldn't actually be hungry but in the off chance she was hungry in the middle of the night it only caused US pain in the long run if we didn't let her snack on 4th meal. And before you think what you might be thinking, there was never any circumstances of "she'll learn her lesson if she - this or that..." with this child. This is not how she's hard wired. This is not how she operates and us "teaching her a lesson" out of hostility and our lack of patience is not how we try to parent. We're not perfect, we get worn out and at times just want results like any other parent but we shoot for patience the majority of the time. And believe me our patience was running thin. But our time spent helping our Spirited Child grow in the world as a toddler was not about us "winning the battle" and her "losing the battle" and us "breaking her down" in order to make her bend at our will. I believe she was brought to us to teach us patience and it's a lesson we're still learning and it's been a long bumpy road, but we're getting there.  A few times a week you'd creep out into the living room and we'd have to usher you back a few times. You'd want a little something as a snack. You became very fond of a glass of warm milk which I was more than happy to oblige since it meant you'd most likely stay in your room. And most of those times you just really wanted some extra snuggles from daddy. I don't blame you. Daddy is a good snuggler. Mama was chopped liver from most of 2 to the end of 3-ish. I can understand. Baby Brother was nursing and Big Sissy had already weaned and wasn't the least bit interested in nursing anyway aside from right after baby was born to see what all of the fuss was about. Your thoughts: not interested. Special attention from Daddy: Bring it!

As a four year old we got to the point of you knowing exactly what your night time routine looked like because we basically did the same thing night after night after looooooooong night since you were a wee lass. You were sharp as a whip so we'd talk you through the evening. "In 5 more minutes we're going to do this -" and we got to the point of shaving off some serious time on our nigh-nigh routine. Because if you remember, Baby Brother was now in the mix as an 18+ month old dragging out his very own nigh-nigh routine.  "Please pick your jammies and get dressed." "You pick some books and look through them while I get Baby Brother's jammies on", etc. We were very independent and liked the authority over our own agenda.  As pre-written as it may have been. She still took the reins on a lot of it from picking her jammies to picking her books to picking her clothes for preschool the next day. Spirited Children thrive on control. This was control I was more than happy to let go of.

At four something magical happened...

Something that almost brings tears to my eyes just typing all of this up. We'd do our extremely trimmed down version of "night-night" ("only babies say nigh-nigh"), we'd prep you that it was "last book," we'd kiss all of your animal lovies, sing a made-up song by request, we'd turn off your light, close your door and before we'd make it to the living room you were pretty much asleep!  No walking out into the living room 10 minutes later needing - something, no Sleepy Drive, no requests for 4th meal. You were just....asleep. Sometimes you'd sleep til morning, sometimes you'd have a bad dream and call out for one of us. Sometimes we'd find you snuggled in our bed at 3am or 5am. But 4 years old was when we no longer dreaded the infamous Battle of Nigh-Nigh.  We all won the battle - together. The only time we need a sleepy drive is when our evening has been thrown out of whack and we are at the point of no return. Like with having dinner guests, over night guests, a long day at Disneyland (the drive home is the sleepy drive thank the sweet lord!), birthday cake, Christmas Eve - you name it. But it doesn't take too many streets and you're out like a light. Baby Brother is another situation when it comes to sleepy drives. It tends to work the opposite with him!

Tonight you are 5. At 5 we are seeing a very worn out lil Miss who plays hard all day long at preschool, who's no longer napping (haven't seen regular naps since 3 1/2 anyway) and at 5 we are seeing the earliest bedtimes we've ever seen in your lifetime. The bedtimes everyone as well as every parenting book always told us you should have and no matter what we ever tried to do we never, ever, ever accomplished it. "Just give her a short nap."  Nope. "Just wake her early in the morning."  Uh-uh. "Just wake her early from her afternoon nap."  Umm...do you poke a sleeping bear just before spring?  I don't either. "Just cut her naps completely and keep her up all day long." Major back fire explosion.  The word "just" that began everyone's sentences of helping us fix our sleepy time issues implied it was an extremely easy fix. I'm assuming none of those people had a Spirited Child. There is no "just do" anything with a Spirited Child. There just isn't. Tonight we took an early tub, had a pretty early dinner and you powered through your meal and told us you were full. Jammies were already on and we decided to snuggle with daddy on the couch. You, 2 year old Baby Brother and daddy. You all started to drift off to sleepy land (Daddy's favorite thing to do at about 6:30pm - heehee!) and suddenly you got up and ran down the hallway.  We both assumed you were going to the bathroom and you'd be back for more snuggles or demand to break up the slug fest and get down to business of reading a bunch of books. A few minutes went by and no return. Baby Brother had drifted off to sleep in what was to be the easiest, most effortless nigh-nigh we've had in a very long time. I decided to go check on you and I found you in your bed, covers tucked up all around you (something you used to fight with me about that you'd never be able to do yourself), your lovie firmly in place "full body hug style," your night light on as well as SeaSea: your glowlight/soothing musical seahorse lovie - a throw back from your infant days illuminating your angelic face peacefully asleep. Not a word was spoken to complete this mission. It was carried out 100% by you - our five year old!

I'd like a moment of silence to let the full weight of this monumental moment sink in fully. 


Exhale.... 

Hello 5. We've been waiting for you. It's so wonderful to see you. However, if we're being honest, your friends ages 4, 3, 2, 1 and newbie are missed. Even the hardest of times, they are missed. For we can't fully appreciate where we are today without you and your grueling all-night moments.  But for now I'm happy missing those times as opposed to still living them. We did it together, kid. You, me and daddy - we did it together.

Love you forever and ever and always,
Mommy

Now go to bed.  ;-)

Listening To The Whispers Of Your Heart. A Letter To My Children.

A letter to my children about turning life's lemons into lemonade and about finding your true passions in life. Listen to your mother and read this when you are feeling down.  Mama loves you.  xo

My precious Kiddie Cats,

When life gives us physical or mental pain to deal with and process and heal from, it also gives us time to reflect on stronger days. During this reflection we have the opportunity to either focus on all of the bad, or choose to scrape past the darkness in order to see the light - even if it takes longer than we'd like. Don't give up. Don't ever give up. We have to believe there is light or else the darkness will become too great and may pull us down deeper forever. 

Very recently, I have started on a journey - a path to positivity. On this journey I will surround myself with the things that fill my heart with deep happiness and great joy. You of course will be there on this journey with me, for your existence in my life is the greatest most magical gift I have ever been given. Without you and daddy, my life is not complete. The quickest way to reach this path for me is through nature. When I'm surrounded by nature and beauty, sunshine and fresh air I feel my soul waking up trying to speak to me. My body feels alive and electric. It's time to block out the noise so I can hear it. I've been stubborn for far too long.

We have the power within us to overcome our set backs and take back the life and the joy that may have left for a while. It is OK to feel sadness when sadness comes. But it is important to seek out the happiness and focus your thoughts and energy into reaching your happiness again. Don't dwell on your sadness. Learn from it. Learn how to deal with it the next time it finds you. Today I spent a little bit of time alone breathing deeply, exhaling the negativity and looking inward as I walked along the ocean shore, toes digging into the sand and enjoying the crisp March water. I've been going to the chiropractor to deal with a recent back injury that has left me needing more help in all areas of our lives for the past month from Grammy and Daddy. When this happens as it has happened before, there is a guilt I can't describe that comes over me because I'm not able to be the mother I want to be physically and mentally - the mother you deserve because my pain is so great. I allowed it to take hold too tightly this time and I apologize for that. I'm learning how to shed the guilt. I'm choosing to look at it differently now and in the future and I'm putting all of my focus on healing, strength and positivity. 

This is what I came away with from my walk in the sunshine. This is my message for you today. I hope you read it when you need comfort and encouragement, support and love. For that is my forever gift to you.  

My children-

Be still and find your joy.

There is greatness to be found in taking the time to stop the daily merry-go-round from whirling so that you can truly focus on your surroundings and find the happiness in the pockets of stillness. 

In stillness comes creativity.

In peacefulness comes contentment. 

In quietness comes discovery.

There is always something to be found when there is nothing.

Discover the joy of nothing.

When we quiet the mind we awaken the soul and are able to hear the whispers of our heart. These heart whispers are the keys to unlock your inner peace and happiness. Once you start listening to the whispers of your heart you will discover the words to the song of your soul for these heart whispers are never wrong, my loves. 

They will never lie to you. 

They are your destiny. 

They are your truth. 

They form the beautiful garden of your life.

They have always been and always will be there. 

So sing your song and let it escape your lips loudly. 

Sing it everyday. 

Sing it every night.

Teach me the words so that I may sing it for you if you feel too weak to sing yourself.

Feel the words.

Breathe the words.

Be the words. 

Do not ever forget the song of your soul and most importantly, do not ever let anyone try to change your song to something they can sing easier or something that they like better. 

For you my child are the only one who hears your own heart whispers so that you can write your own song.

You hold the power to your happiness.

Oh, and don't forget your sunscreen because a life full of happiness is a life full of sunshine. 

Love,

Mommy

*Written by Colleen Duncan Canavan 3-2-13

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When Mama Isn't Ready For The Naps To Stop...Are We Ever?

It's ironic how kids never want to nap, and most of the parents I know would pay big money to be able to take a nap in the middle of the day.  Everyday!

Here is the method I used for getting my older toddler to continue taking daily naps because mama wasn't ready to give them up yet. My method is for children who will sleep "on the move" either in a car or in a stroller.

SIDE NOTE: My Big Girl is what my husband and I consider to be a Spirited Child and this is what worked for us to get her to wind-down. I say this not to label my child or make excuses for her or for me, but to offer hope in case you have a Spirited Child as well and are wondering if they will ever sleep in your lifetime. Gotta find what soothes them and run with it!

I was able to keep my older child napping daily for at least an hour+ til the middle/end of 3 years old.  She is going to be 5 years old very soon (GASP!!) and she will still fall asleep on occasion if we find ourselves in the car during "nap time," especially if she is going through a growth spurt like lately. Like most toddlers, she was extremely high energy and didn't sit still for too long and enjoyed bouncing from one thing to another. I had a new baby at the time too so mama was desperate to keep baby #1 aka Big Girl napping for as long as humanly possible. However, she wasn't goin' down without a fight. Here is my method for doing all I could to prolong the napping process.

The Sleepy Drive.
At nap time pretty much everyday during the week when I was partakin' in some solo parenting, I packed Big Girl and Baby Brother into the car for our daily "sleepy drive" and we all enjoyed the daily wind-down. I put on some very soothing music, gave them each their lovie and a blanket (if it was chilly) and we drove around til they fell asleep. It usually took no more than 15 minutes, but honestly, there were many, many days where I wouldn't even get down the block and at least one of them were already asleep. We have some great "sleepy drive music." It's like Pavlov's Dog.

You did a sleepy drive every single day?
Yep. I was OK with doing this every day at that time because, like everything else with children (good and bad), I knew it wouldn't last forever...and it worked!  Having an overtired toddler who is fussing and crying and fighting a nap for 45+ minutes every single day and then only sleeps for 30 minutes doesn't work when you have a nursing baby who also needs to wind-down and nurse and catch his 15th cat nap of the day - always at the same time of course.

The Early Years:
There was a time where both of them would wake up if I dared move their slumbering body out of the car seat to their bed so during that point in time I prepped everything to kick it in the car for the duration of the nap. I got some things for me to read or write and eat/drink (or I'd get drive-thru coffee!!) and then find a nice, quiet, shady spot by the park (away from any and all leaf blowers!) and we'd chill-out for a good hour to 2 hours or however long they needed to nap that day. Being a SAHM I was able to have this luxury of time during the day, and I'm so thankful for it.

"Is It Time For A Sleepy Drive Yet, Mommy?"
This was a very welcomed break for all three of us during our hectic, ever changing day. The kids were comfortable in their seats, and I was able to chill-out and have a bit of much needed "mama time" where I didn't feel like I had to fold laundry or do dishes (because how could I?? We weren't home. heehee.) I'd spend that time either staring blankly out the window thinking about nothing in particular except for how to get more sleep, I'd make a bunch of To-Do lists and shopping lists, I'd do my bills, I'd run through the drive up ATM (A mother must have designed those), I'd write blogs or I'd read parenting books/magazines. One time I dosed off still wearing my sunglasses,  holding my coffee cup in one hand and a parenting book in the other hand. The parenting book was no doubt a "How-To-Get-More-Sleep" book. Baby Brother was just a few weeks old...life was a wee fuzzy back then. These daily car "kick it" naps became a really nice way to break up the day and a good excuse for mama to relax and meditate.

A 2-in-1 Nap:
Sometimes, depending on what we had going on that afternoon, I'd wake them up or they would wake on their own and we'd get out and play at the park for a bit since we were already there. I made sure to bring along a blanket and some snacks to munch on picnic style, as well as have sand digging toys at the ready. It helped that Baby Brother was still breastfeeding only at that time, so I only had to bring snacks for one kiddo. So I'd sit on the park bench and nurse Baby Brother and chat with other moms while Big Girl got to play with a bunch of new kids since she was always stuck with boring 'ol mama and baby.

That's great an all, but my kids won't sleep in the car.
When Big Girl was toying with the idea of wanting to give up naps around 2-ish when I was pregnant and exhausted with Baby Brother, ("Uhhh, No!") I would pack her in her stroller at nap time and we'd go for a long walk to the park and she'd usually fall asleep. She protested being in any sort of carrier at a very early age. She wanted to be down to boogie around. Thank goodness she was baby #1 because baby #2 lived in a wrap attached to my body. That is the only way I ever got anything done during daylight hours. As a toddler, if she didn't fall asleep in the stroller on our "sleepy walk," then I figured we still got out of the house and had a nice walk together in the sunshine. My pregnant cankles thanked me. If she did nap (bonus for mama!), I'd stop and sit in the shade and read and have a snack and watch butterflies and hummingbirds. Sometimes I'd walk up to the store to walk the isles in peace or grab some lunch or coffee while she napped in the stroller covered with a light blanket for shade and quiet. One of my favorite things to do back then when she fell asleep on our walk was go to the grocery store and get a coffee and maybe something to munch on and sit at their little cafe and read all of the trashy celebrity magazines (for free of course) and get my fill on mindless brain chatter like who was dating whom and who was pregnant, who broke up, who got married...you know, all of the really important things in life.  That's all my preggo mom brain could muster back then.

The Win-Win Scenairo - Getting 2 To Nap:
After Baby Brother was born I'd squeeze him in the Moby Wrap and pack Big Girl in the stroller and we'd all walk. Baby Brother viewed his car seat like a torture chamber and screamed his tiny head off for the duration of our trip regardless of how long it was. So you can imagine my shock and horror super panic when I realized very early on that our tried and true method of the nap time sleepy drives for Big Girl #1 was no longer going to work since Baby Brother was being attacked by aliens back there. Regroup and adapt. He'd sleep in the wrap (and I could nurse him while walking and pushing a stroller if I had to in order to get him back to sleep while we were out - that was my mama superpower), and I already knew that she'd sleep in the stroller. Check.

It sounds silly, but you kinda feel like a rockstar when you get both kids napping at once.  You wish the paparazzi would follow you around and snap up some pics.
Headlines: "Rockstar Super Mom of Teething Baby and Wild Child Toddler gets them BOTH napping at the SAME TIME! What is her secret?!"OK sure, I'll sign autographs. 

Find what works for your children and run with it. If it works for them, then by golly it will work for you! Especially when it comes to sleep-precious-sleep!
I am always changing and adapting to their specific needs be it a walk, a snuggle in the carrier, a rock in the rocker or a car ride because frankly, I needed to have some peace and quiet during the day where they BOTH were asleep (a rare thing with more than 1 child) so I could recharge my mama batteries - so I just tried different things all the time until I found what worked for everyone to get them to sleep each day, peacefully. Some days it was really hit or miss. On the days where it was a "miss," I cried.

Loose-Loose.
Sometimes a "new thing" would only last a week or so and there were PLENTY of times where only one would fall asleep and the other one was W-I-D-E awake, so it's never going to be a home run. That was tough if we were parked somewhere and the awake child was fussy because they wanted to get out and it would eventually wake the other one up...which made mama fussy.  So then we'd just play and play and run wild at the park and *hope* that everyone went down early for bed that night.

Yeaaaaaaa riiiiiiiiiiiight!

The More Things Change The More They Stayed The Same.
As everyone got older and daily naps were still in order - at least for my lil guy, we'd continue with our sleepy drives and Baby Brother would fall asleep and Big Girl would wind-down. She loves to go for drives and enjoys all types of music, likes cuddling with her favorite stuffed guys and finds it a very calming experience overall. Thank goodness. After about 3 months of solid screaming whenever we got near the car let alone got in the car and got buckled, Baby Brother finally made peace with his car seat. Fast forward to 2 years later, he now finds it a calming experience as well, so we can now do sleepy drives for him if we need to. That was a long road. However, he doesn't fight naps everyday like it's his job like his big sister did when she was his age. There are days where I can see that he's getting tired and I'll scoop him up and we'll go into his dark room and snuggle with a blankie for a few minutes in his rocking chair (there are usually a few tears and a minimal bit of fussing and protesting - he is 2 after all) and he'll fall right asleep for a good 2-3 hours.

I know. I'd hate me too if I read this when Big Girl was the same age - being a Spirited Child and all. I also would never have believed it because the only time she ever did anything like that was when she was sick.

Stick With What Works.
If Baby Bother is extra wild that day and can't be calmed for a nap using our rocking chair techniques I pull the plug on it quickly so I don't miss "my window" and we'll all head to the car. They know the drill. "Get your lovies, grab your water, put on your sunglasses and let's move out!"  Mama needs a holy-crap-I-can't-keep-my-eyes-open-any-longer-cuz-it's-the-middle-of-the-day frappuccino! Good thing with them being a bit older now too is that we can head right home after they fall asleep and they will actually stay asleep as I get them out of their car seat and put them into their beds. My Big Girl will usually wake up now if she has fallen asleep, but that's ok. She doesn't really need a nap anymore like she did between 0-3 1/2 years and she'll actually sit and have some "quiet time" when Baby Brother is napping - something she would never ever EVER do before. Hence mama's need for her to nap til she was 3+ years old!! Now that she is getting older she actually will go to bed a bit earlier if she's been running around playing like a wild child during the day as opposed to it revving her up like it did when she was a toddler.

You're probably wondering if we need to do sleepy drives for bedtime. 
We've gotten into a pretty locked in night time routine which consists of a warm bubble bath, naked babies running around refusing to put on jammies, lots and lots of books and lots and lots of cuddling. We're at the point now with our Big Girl where we say, "this is the last book" and we close it, give hugs and kisses and daddy will sing a song he's made up freestyle based on whatever she wants him to sing about ("Horsey Horsey" is a long standing favorite) and we say "night night" and close her door. It has become a rare occasion that she comes out after we say goodnight since she is usually asleep within minutes later.

It was a looooooong road. #SpiritedChild.

Baby Brother still gets rocked to sleep in mama's arms every night like baby #1 at that age because he's my sweet lil cuddle bug and I throughly enjoy our quiet time together at bedtime. And again, he's only 2.  Then daddy comes in to put him into his big boy toddler bed.  He's pretty heavy. Sometimes he wants to sleep with us if he's been fussy so we put him in our bed, and sometimes when I turn his light out after we read books (and before we cuddle and rock in the rocking chair) he hops outta my arms and crawls into his bed on his own bed and says, "I go night night."  
Me: "But...but, don't you want mama to rock you and snuggle you and sing to you til you fall asleep?"  Sniff*Sniff*
Baby Brother: "I sleepy. Bay go night night."
Me: "Night Night My Sweet Love" (Kisses Big Boy, wipes single tear that has escaped my eye and closes his door.)

Night Time Sleepy Drives.
We certainly are no stranger to night time sleepy drives that is for sure. If we've had a particularly hectic day and it's hard to calm the savage beasts or if company has just left after a fun evening and our kids are wild beyond measure or if it was a special dinner and dessert was served we just cut to the chase and take a sleepy drive. I enjoy the quiet time with my husband listening to our sleepy music and having a very quiet conversation while the kids calm down. It was especially enjoyable during Christmas time and we got to see everyone's lights. And I'll admit, when Big Girl was a baby/toddler, we put more miles on our car at night then we ever did during the day. #SpiritedChild. But that was ok. It didn't last forever and it gave my husband and I some really nice, quiet bonding time with each other each evening while we drove around the neighborhood waiting for our little fighter to finally cave in and close her sweet lil lids.

Ever changing, always adapting. Life as a mom.

My Journey To Motherhood: The Night It Hit Me - I'm A Mom

There are many lasting memories from the birth of our daughter. Memories that at almost four years later are so vivid I can still recall how her skin felt like suede, her cheeks like powder. The words of encouragement erupting into loud cheers from my birth team still echo in my mind as she finally came out on that last push. But there's one moment that really stands out as my, “I'm a mom” moment.

The night I had this slap-you-in-the-face realization was not during the 17+ hour labor where I paced the halls and folded into my husband's body with each painful contraction, or the 3 ½ hours of pushing (on my back) to finally get her out. It wasn't even necessarily the moment where she practically leapt out of my womb onto my stomach. I was squealing with delight, “My baby, my baby!” over and over as I held her in my arms - the nurses feverishly rubbing and massaging her red, squishy body. Just then our eyes met and she reached up and touched my face with her tiny fingers. For the longest time she was looking into my eyes and crying, touching my chin, lips and cheek as if to say, “It's you! It's really you! You're my mommy!” I'm so thankful to my nurse for capturing all of those special moments on camera because otherwise no one would believe us. If I saw that in a movie I'd think, “That would never happen!” But it did.

Even that moment, as surreal as it was, isn't the thing that's etched into my brain as “The moment.” Our two day hospital stay felt like a vacation. The friendly postpartum nurses cared for us like family. They offered much needed help with breastfeeding, armed us with expert swaddling techniques to transform our bundle of joy into a blissful baby burrito, and provided me with cooling gel pads for my already sore nipples. Mercifully, they encouraged us to sleep. Before our daughter's tiny cries could resonate in our heads and wake us from an exhausted slumber, they swept in like angels and scooped her up to comfort her. They answered every last concerning question we had with patience and understanding.

Leaving the hospital was a bit of a reality check for us. “Can we do this alone? They're professionals and we're just first time parents, how can they just let usleave like that?” Driving home looking back at the once empty car seat that was now filled with a tiny baby we thought, “Now what?” Luckily, my mom extended her flight to stay another week. I was exhausted from the long labor and in so much pain from pushing for so long all I wanted to do was sleep. We swaddled her tight, I nursed her and we placed our sleeping baby in her cradle next to our bed. “Wow, she didn't even cry, this isn't so bad after all!” Those were the last words I uttered as my head hit the pillow assuming we'd all sleep until morning. (Two kids later, I find this hilarious.)

An hour later we were jolted out of bed as if a drill sergeant were standing there screaming commands at us while honking an air horn in our faces. “What's going on? Is there an emergency? Someone's baby is really loud!”

Then it hit us.

“That's our baby!

Where's the nurse to scoop her up? Has she gotten louder?” This was a harsh reality made all the more jarring as we fumbled around the pitch black room trying to find this miniature siren (right next to us.) This nightly task quickly became second nature, but this first time was frantic, stressful, growing more and more urgent the longer she cried, and that's when I realized that I was the one she was crying for, I was the one who was responsible for nursing her, I was the one who could comfort her - so I scooped her up into my arms and thought, “wow, I'm actually a mom now and this is my baby,” and it felt good.

*This was originally posted on February 8, 2012 at BlogHer.com and was an entry into a contest put on by Ricki Lake and BlogHerMoms called Journey To Motherhood. We were asked to describe our own journey. This was 1 out of 4 entries I wrote for the contest.

She dropped her toys in the box, folks!

Wow, this baby girl changes so much each day!  I just can't believe it.  Today at Gymboree we started singing the huge crowd pleaser, "the clean up, clean up song" and I watched Baby Girl as the teacher was heading for the center of the room with her "busy box" ready to scoop up every last toy.  This is not our favorite part. I could almost see her thinking, "wait a sec...this is the part of the class I DON'T like!"  And we all start singing so Baby Girl stands up and I thought for sure we were gonna have a runner, but she watched in awe at how other kids were actually putting their toys away.  So she thought she'd give it a try.  She muscled her way through the crowd of 10-15 months old babies, got to the edge of the toy box, reached over and dropped the toy she had in her left hand.  "Good girl Baby!  Mama's so proud of you!"  She looked longingly at the toy she just let go of, having second thoughts and was just about to drop in toy #2, when all of a sudden a brand new walker of about 1 week - Javier, bumped into her throwing her off her game, dropping the toy when she wasn't ready and she panicked and started to dumpster dive!  Mama swooped in and scooped her from the scene and again with the stiff arms and legs, grunts and yells.  

So I'd say that's one for mama and one for baby.  

*Shaking my fist* That darn Javier and his wobbly legs.  We were so close...so close!

A Toddler and Her New Love, The Baby Monitor.

Isn't it funny how you can be around other people's children all the time and you don't really notice all the little things as much; the milestones, the progress, the subtle changes. But of course when they are your own, you marvel in the smallest things!

Lately, it's almost daily that Baby Girl is doing something new and makes me think, "oh my gosh, my little baby girl is getting so big!" And although my heart is soaring for her, it sinks a little too as I think about the tiny infant who couldn't even hold her head up or uncurl her little baby fingers just a short time ago. And now she's almost 16 months old!

So yesterday she walked over to the table and grabbed her baby monitor and was walking around with it, holding it by the very end tip of the antennae. You know, a good sturdy spot. And ever since we've been going to Gymboree (the Play and Music Place), I have been trying to do some similar things here at home that we do there, like have them put away their own stuff.

One of the things they do there is to bring out a box of toys to play with during class time. The "busy box." They only let them play with this new, exciting stuff for like 2 minutes, then they sing the "clean up, clean up song" and make the babies put everything back in the box, which just ticks her off to no end!  

The first few times we were there and they had them clean up so fast making a few babies cry, Baby Girl included I was thinking, "this seems a little rushed that they are already cleaning up", because the "busy box" of toys is so exciting and such a huge hit!  

Why rock the boat? 

 She has cried a few times, and still will if she hasn't had a nap before class, but she's getting better about putting the toys back so soon. We haven't actually gotten to the point of her going up to the box and dropping in her loot and waving, "bye-bye," but we're working on it. Right now we're still at the point where I have to prep her for clean up when I see the lady head for the box and walk her over to the box (sort of like walking a dog through the vets door), and say, "Ok Baby, say bye-bye, time to clean up, put it back in the box", etc. 

This is usually followed by me having to then pry the musical instrument, ball, rattle, squishy thing, bumpy teether, etc., out of her sweaty little baby hands and convince her that this is fun! Sometimes she goes for it and sometimes it ends in arms and legs stiffening up like a soldier and animal grunts coming from the bottom of her throat while she is kind of bouncing in protest.

Other kids are happy to pick up every toy they see on the ground and drop it in the box. Not my child, she'd rather take things out faster than everyone else is putting them in and stash them away for future play. And you can see her little baby mind working;

"Ok if I tuck this toy here and squeeze this here I can fit this here and hold this here..." 

 Sorry baby girl, we're singing the "clean up, clean up song."  Doesn't it sound happy and fun? Doesn't it? Everyone loves to clean up! (The first lie we are teaching our baby!)

So long story short, I'm trying to not just take things out of her hands that she isn't supposed to have and then redirect her onto something else. I do sometimes if we are in a hurry or it's the end of the day and mama needs a nap! But mostly I'm trying to take the time to teach her to put it back and get something else. 

Yesterday was a breakthrough and mama almost wept!

Summer grabbed her monitor and started walking through the house with it and when I saw it I thought, "crap, I forgot to move it from the coffee table from when she was napping!" So I said, "no-no, go put it back on the table." and at first I thought, "yea right, this is gonna work." Then she stopped and gave me a look like she knew she wasn't supposed to have it and kinda stood there and then shook her head "no" (like only a toddler can perfect) and said, "Dada?" As if Dada will say yes. So I thought, "well, maybe this will work." So I said again, "no-no Baby Girl, go put it back on the table." (I kinda had to say it a few times and use lots of sign language motioning to the table.) and she actually turned around and walked back over to the table! I was so proud. So I said, "Yay! Good girl for following directions!" 

Well, mama made too quick with the endless praise because said monitor antennae was yet to be pried from her pudgy little grip. So she lifted it back off the table, looking at me with the "I know I'm not supposed to be doing this...buuuut..." face and again I started at square one. 

"Put it back on the table." 

We played a few rounds of "if I set it on the table, but still hold the tip of the antennae is it considered putting it back?" game.

I resisted the urge to just walk over and gently remove it from her hands and give her something else to play with. I was trying to teach her that it was OK to put something back on your own in addition to following directions. Plus, she wasn't really going to do any damage to the monitor, I figured we'd just take the time to learn something new. I tried to hold back my "good girl, Baby" praises until she actually released her grip, but I still wanted her to know that she was doing what mama wanted her to. So I fused the two and said, "good girl Lovie, put it back on the table." Although she was reluctant she actually set it down and let go as opposed to just rubbing it all over the top of the table appearing to have put it back, and she walked away clapping! So of course mama was thrilled and was singing her praises. She was feeling giddy and clapping for herself and actually seemed proud of her accomplishments. Then we did a "high-5," something we just learned the other day.

...and as quickly as Juliet searches for her forbidden lover Romeo, Baby Girl walked back over to her baby monitor, rescued him off the coffee table and made a mad dash in the opposite direction.

*sigh*

Baby steps mama, baby steps.