Being Grateful After A Rough Year

2016 hasn't exactly been a picnic. I'm a bit terrified for 2017 to be honest. The days following January 20, 2017 to be exact. Not that things were perfect before - nothing is ever perfect. But I'm especially afraid for what is to come. The night of the election I wrote this: How Do I Explain This To My Children? and I still feel the same way.

Anyway, I'm making myself sit here and find 12 things I'm grateful for from last year because I need to focus on the positive and put in the effort to move forward and find the peace within me for myself and for my children.

1. I'm grateful that we have gotten rain. We live in Southern California and we are in a really bad drought and we desperately need rain. So grateful for the rain!

2. I'm grateful that a site like Ancestry.com exists because we have finally found more information about my dad's side of the family. He grew up in an abusive, broken home and spending quality time with family and relatives telling stories about the old days and keeping track of who was who wasn't really what they did. I was actually able to trace back to the late 1600's and find full-blooded Cherokee Indians in our bloodline. My 9th Great Grandmother was an amazing Cherokee woman who I could actually read about on google!! Her name was Quatsy of Tellico (of the Wolf Clan) and one of her sons was a man called Standing Turkey (Old Hop) who also has fascinating stories about him.

3. I'm grateful for rainy, gloomy, lazy post-holiday weekend days where the whole family is home and I'm sitting around writing, still in jammies, drinking lattes all day long which is perfectly acceptable on a day like this.

4. I'm grateful for summer beach days with friends or with family. Where we get there early and spend the day digging in the sand, finding crabs hiding out on the pier pilings, boogie boarding in the waves, drying off to eat a sandwich and maybe catching a small cat nap on a towel in the sun. After a long day of beaching it up I'm always grateful for our favorite Mexican restaurant next to the pier where we spend the evening eating tacos and eating chips and salsa reminiscing about our beach day while planning the next one.

5. I'm grateful for kids who crack themselves up silly while watching cartoons. Those days pass quickly, so it's fun to hear kids being kids who enjoy slapstick comedy like only a kid can.

6. I'm grateful for holidays filled with yummy homemade food made from recipes that have been passed down, lots of family who share funny stories, (even if they are the same funny stories year after year), kids running through the house and even the happiness and calmness when everyone gets the heck out at the end of the evening so I can finally decompress!

7. I'm grateful for dancing babies. Especially my own who will dance to any music, any time of the day or night. Even in his sleep.

8. I'm grateful for my sweet 6 year old child when I see him playing on the playground just before I pick him up from school and I observe him being a good friend to others and a helper to his teachers - even though he doesn't know I'm watching him. There isn't anything better than watching your child enjoy their childhood.

9. I'm grateful for my daughter. She is an amazing big sister (most of the time - I mean she is human after all!) and she has such a caring heart and a sweet, spunky soul. I love watching her create art because she enjoys it so much and she has really become such a great little artist at only 8 years old. I hope to collaborate with her someday on a children's book and have her be my illustrator. I also love to see her interacting with animals. She has a real gift when it comes to animals.

10. I'm grateful for my husband who is on this crazy journey with me, who makes me laugh daily and who is always doing funny accents to crack us up. He's a great dad, a great husband and a hard worker. And we both share the same crazy dream of being organic farmers someday too. We already have the house full of animals. Our 8 and 1/2 year old daughter, our 6 year old son and his 2 year old toddler brother who is like 10 animals in one.

Happy New Year! Be safe and please call a cab or an Uber as opposed to driving drunk. My husband lost his very best friend 11 years ago this January due to a drunk driver hitting him and killing him. He was only 31 years old. I hope the coming year is good to you and your family. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to practice more gratitude. Especially during this year of the "terrible two's." As I type, my 2 year old is currently face down, crying uncontrollably, feet kicking while he's screaming because daddy put his favorite chair back at the kid table and he wanted it at the kitchen table, even though you can't see him at all when he's sitting in it because the table is too tall....Oh wait, now he's running in the other room laughing at a ball his big brother just threw. Thank goodness for the easily distracted toddler! All is right with the world.

Unless you move the chair again. #momlife

xo
Coll


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I'm grateful for having an entire beach to ourselves!

Family day at the beach.

How Do I Explain This To My Children? (Election of 2016)

As my husband and I sit here on the couch on election night, way past our bedtime, smart phones in hand, afraid to hit the refresh button - in complete and utter disbelief - I can't help but be sad for my children. That was the first thing I thought of. "The kids are going to be devastated tomorrow!" we agreed. This election year has been a terrible one. It has gotten so nasty and out of hand and so hard to explain in a way that a child can understand because they are not used to hearing adults say such horrible things to each other. And we actually have not been letting them hear anything about the election (we never let them watch the news) - but they are hearing things from other kids at school and other adults everywhere we go. This is the first election where I have been a mother to young children who are old enough to be aware of what is going on in the world around them. They are aware that Donald Trump has said some really mean things. They are aware that he wants to build a wall to keep people out.

My daughter has a beloved teacher who moved here when she was 19 years old from Guadalajara, Mexico to go to college in the United States of America and my sweet child is terrified that Donald Trump will send her away if he becomes President. My daughter is only 8 years old. She should be worrying about her spelling test on Friday, what to get her friend for his birthday and when we are finally going to get this supposed dog we keep talking about (soon my child, soon) - not if some tyrannical, hate-filled old blow-hard of a man wants to send her lovely teacher back to Mexico. The same woman who made me cry during Back-To-School night because she said, "You love your children when they are at home and I will love them when they are here and together we will become a good team in helping them grow and learn and become the best people they can become. I will be their mother here at school and love them and care for them like my own children." Now you see why I couldn't hold back the tears!

My fellow mothers reading this - this election has reminded me of something. I need to be more present so that my children get my influence as opposed to social media's influence. I know I'm not alone in this. We must band together and check back into our lives to raise the next generation to be better and more evolved than this one. Smart phones, iPads, social media, Facebook has become a brain clog and a crutch for far too long in our lives and it's up to us - the people raising the tiny humans who will eventually run this world to DO BETTER. I'm in tears tonight at the thought of a Donald Trump Presidency for the next four years because as a mother to an 8 year old girl and a 6 year old boy who is just this year a brand new, sweet, innocent kindergartner not yet hardened by the harsh realities of life, I make it my mission to raise children who are tolerant of all humans, who respect all humans regardless of what they look like, who they love, who they pray to and where they were born. We talk at length at home about not being a bully and what it means to stand up to bullies and fight for the underdog and for those who are unable to fight for themselves. We teach them to fight for the rights of all humans. I have made a point when talking to my children to go out of my way to not describe people by their skin color or use stereotypical words when talking about others and I cringe when people do talk like that around my kids. It's mostly the Baby Boomer generation and the generation older than them who think nothing of putting people in nice little cut and dry categories based on race, gender or sexual orientation. Please evolve from this way of thinking. We can be better than that.

We need to teach our kids to have more respect for adults and for their peers. We need to get off our high horses when it comes to our kids and admit it to ourselves if we do have the child who is the bully. They are somebody's child - and we need to swallow our pride, loose the defensiveness and listen to how we can change their behavior because we must change their behavior for the better. It's hard to do, especially if it's a mirror of our own behavior, but it must be done.

We need to unplug the devices and let our child see the color of our eyes when they are telling us a story about what happened that day at school as opposed to the top of our hairline on our nodding head as we look down at our phone pretending to multitask.

Our children are not objects needed to be to multitasked.  

We need to make a "No Phone/ No TV Zone" during most, if not ALL meals and use words and facial expressions to communicate with one another while we are sitting at a table looking at each other. If this sounds weird and foreign the way I'm explaining it, it's because this idea has become foreign to so many. Be honest with yourself, how many meals do you have a week where the whole family is sitting at a table talking and eating and the TV is off and phones are not sitting on the table right next to your plate or in our hands taking your attention away at every beep and buzz. Now think about your own childhood and how your family meals were. Was the TV on?  Did it bother you if your dad was watching the game instead of listening to a story you had about your friends at school? Now is your chance to change it for the better. This is your life. These are your kids. You shape the story they will tell someday of their childhood. Don't loose your child while they are still young enough to want you to be a part of their daily lives. Just ask a parent of a typical teenager about how much their child wants to sit and chit chat about what they are doing with their friends at school.  Crickets...

Regardless of who wins this Presidency, I still vow to raise my children to not judge people by their skin color, to not dislike someone because of who they pray to, or who they don't pray to. I promise to teach them that love is love and to marry who their heart tells them to, not who society tells them to. And to respect people who choose to love someone that society is telling them not to. I will keep teaching them manners and respect and compassion and to not be a bully, regardless of what they are hearing a candidate who is running for President saying to others. I promise to teach them to believe those who speak out about personal tragic stories of sexual abuse for they are the true brave souls in this world.

This election has taught me many things - one of which is that I need to work harder at home while my children are young to continue to lay the foundation of goodness, caring, respect, tolerance, understanding, compassion, and continue teaching them right from wrong so they can make choices in their lives that make a difference for the better. So they will know when they hear an old man named Donald Trump yelling at someone on the TV and using obscene language and being an outright bully to anyone who challenges him on social media and on TV to know that they don't have to respect that sort of behavior just because he's an adult and they are children. They don't have to imitate that behavior and they will know from how their parents treat them that they don't have to ever tolerate that behavior from anyone - even from the President of the United States because they matter simply because they are a human being. Just as you matter. God help us all.

I'll leave you with some Maya Angelou. May she help to spread some positivity and a better understanding and make you feel a bit better.

One of my all time favorites:

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better." 
~ Maya Angelou

"You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive."

- Interview from the April 2011 edition of O, the Oprah Magazine (2011)

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

- Excerpted from Letter to My Daughter, a book of essays (2009)

"One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest."

- Interview in USA TODAY (March 5, 1988)

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

- Interview for Beautifully Said Magazine (2012)

"I am a Woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal Woman,
that's me."

- Phenomenal Woman, poem (1978)

The above quotes were found here.

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Peace, Love and Light.

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(Trigger Warning) To The Teenage Girl Who Got Punched In The Face By Her Boyfriend After Trying To Break Up With Him

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here's how you can learn more, give help and get help. 

To The Teenage Girl Who Got Punched In The Face By Her Boyfriend After Trying To Break Up With Him

You matter.

You do not deserve to be punched in the face by anyone, let alone by someone who claimed to love you - someone you loved in return and trusted to keep you safe from harm.

You should not feel bullied to stay with a boy or any man or woman for that matter, who is aggressive toward you, who threatens you, who makes you feel unsafe, who makes you feel less than your worth, who belittles you, who bullies you, who frightens you, who calls you terrible names (cunt, bitch, whore, slut, stupid, worthless idiot ARE terrible names), who picks fights with you just for the sake of fighting, who makes you feel like you are walking on egg shells around him all the time, who makes you afraid to make him angry, who keeps you from seeing or talking to your family and friends, who slaps you, who pushes you, who pinches you, who flinches at you in an aggressive way like he's going to punch you but doesn't - this time. 

Abuse is not just physical. It can be mental, emotional, sexual-

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I heard your cries for help (it still sends a chill down my spine) and watched him storm off in anger and I rushed to you. We don't know each other, yet immediately my hand went to your shoulder as you sat in your car to try to comfort you - wanting to hug you and not let go. Once I knew you were safe and that police were on the way the words just flew out of my mouth without a filter - even though it wasn't my place to give my opinion since I don't know you or your situation.

"I'm so sorry he hit you. You are worth so much. You are a strong, beautiful girl and you do not deserve this. No matter what happened or what you are fighting about, you do not deserve to be punched in the face." 

I learned that he punched you and threw you on the ground a few days before when you tried to break up with him. Him punching you just now was a result of you breaking up with him for good. 

"Your boyfriend needs help, I said, and you are not the one who is responsible for getting him that help. He needs to get help himself." 

I couldn't stop the words from coming out - tears starting to build up behind my eyes even though I was trying the hardest I ever have to hold them back to stay strong while you cried. You got out of your car to hug me as I told you I was staying until police came. 

"Don't ever be with anyone who treats you like that. You deserve so much. Much more than he is capable of giving you."

The police came right away, I hugged you again and told you my name and where I lived. "I'm here for you. You're not alone." 


I gave the police my statement about what I saw and where he went and what he was wearing then rushed to pick my daughter up from school, as I knew she would most likely be playing on the playground waiting for me to get there. I also made the decision to tell my children small details of what happened. I was visibly upset when I got to the playground and my 5 & 1/2 year old and toddler were in the car as I rushed out to help her. He saw all of the police cars and saw that I was hugging a crying stranger. I had to tell him what was going on - only an edited version appropriate for a small child. This was real life happening right before his eyes. We shelter so much of what they see on TV, movies, video games and anything online, yet he saw the aftermath of a domestic violence situation - something he never even knew existed since he comes from a loving family who uses words as opposed to physical violence to solve problems. From the car you could see the goose-egg sized red welt popping out of her cheek. There was no avoiding some sort of conversation. 

"That girl I was hugging had a boyfriend who wasn't nice to her so she didn't want to be friends with him anymore. She is allowed to do that, just as you are allowed to do that if someone isn't being nice to you or treating you with love and respect. And when she said she didn't want to be friends with him anymore and that she didn't want to ever see him again he got so mad he hit her.  In the face?" He asked, noticing her face. "Yes." I said, knowing how horrible that must sound. "We're not allowed to hit anyone at school. You'd get in BIG trouble if you hit someone in the face. He shouldn't have hit her. You don't hit people. That's really bad." 

My son is in kindergarten and he already gets it.

That started the dialogue with my children who are 8 1/2  and almost 6 years old. A dialogue that had a strong emphasis on being brave and strong and standing up to bullies, protecting and helping those who need our help, not ever letting a boyfriend, a girlfriend, (and someday) a husband or wife, a stranger or even a friend or family member treat you with anything other than love, respect, honor and care. A dialogue that will continue in order to educate and empower them.

How do you know if you are in an abusive relationship (of any kind):

“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.” 
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?
Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you?
Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did?
Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you?
Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you?
Has he ever threatened to hurt you?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.” 
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

To find more inspiring quotes on GoodReads about domestic violence and by survivors of domestic violence click here. 

How do I get help for myself or someone I know who is being abused?

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline http://www.thehotline.org/ 
or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224 if you feel that your computer history is being monitored. You can always log into a computer for free at your local public library.  Create a fake yahoo or gmail account if you have to. Just get help!


October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here's how you can learn more, give help and get help. (Click HERE)


Help a stranger. Help a loved one. Help yourself. You deserve more.

Image found online and being used for educational purposes only. I do not own this picture. If it belongs to you please contact me so I can give you credit. If you would like me to remove it please contact me and I will remove it. Thank you. 

Image found online and being used for educational purposes only. I do not own this picture. If it belongs to you please contact me so I can give you credit. If you would like me to remove it please contact me and I will remove it. Thank you. 

Help a stranger. Help a loved one. Help yourself. You deserve more.

Looking For The No-Sew DIY Tooth Fairy Costume From Pinterest?

I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. It's been moved. Please Click here to find it. Have a great day!

Happy Halloween!

Looking for more DIY costume ideas and Halloween crafts? Click here!

Top 5 Halloween Posts: DIY Costumes, Classroom Goodie Bags, Crafts And Treats

Do you want to make a cute costume but you don't know how to sew?  Here is a very cute and totally unique costume idea that is entirely no-sew! All you need is a glue gun and some supplies. This is a cute idea for a teachers costume as well as a fun DIY Tooth Fairy bag to have on hand for when your child looses a tooth. Don't forget to Pin it!

DIY Mama! No-Sew, Homemade Halloween Costumes Featuring: The Tooth Fairy!

Relive your childhood with this very cute and extremely simple DIY Rainbow Brite costume. Click here to see the easy step-by-step instructions to put this costume together. Don't forget to Pin it!

DIY Mama! No-Sew, Homemade Halloween Costumes Featuring: Rainbow Brite!

Cute & Easy Mummy Wrapped Hot Dogs. Don't forget to Pin into your Halloween folder! Click here to see step-by-step instructions. Don't forget to Pin it!

Halloween Party Treats & Tips: Mummy Dogs On The Go!

Need a cute and unique idea for goodie bags? Does your preschooler like to help in the craft making department? Click here for step-by-step instructions. Don't forget to Pin it!

DIY Mama! Preschool Halloween Goodie Bags & Teachable Moments: Name Tags

Need some ideas for a fun & simple preschool craft?  This is a great "following directions" craft for your preschooler, TK/PreK'er, or Kindergartener. Click here to see more.  Don't forget to Pin it!

Preschool Craft: Halloween Kitty Cat

Have a fun, safe & Happy Halloween!

*heart*

Coco Cana

To read more from My Tales From The Crib click here.

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Don't forget to Pin it!

5 Friday Funnies! Fall Edition: SNL Kate McKinnon & Alec Baldwin, Halloween Top Ten, Funny Mom Blogs

It's Friday and it's time to have a bit of a laugh. With all this political craziness going on it's nice to have a break and think about something else for a change, but before we do that I'd like to share this very funny SNL sketch. Alec Baldwin does a better Donald Trump than Donald Trump himself and Kate McKinnon is the funniest woman alive right now. Enjoy!



VP Debate Cold Open - SNL

Sibling Irony #3: Presents: Funny Kid Arguments. 
Toddler vs. Preschooler

Top Ten Fights Parents Have With Kids Over 
Halloween Costumes

Holiday Hilarity: Funny Holiday Cards

Death By Chevron Print Overkill

For more click here

Halloween Party Treats & Tips: Mummy Dogs On The Go!

My kids had their homeschool co-op Halloween party yesterday and there were some super cute treats!

I made Baby Mummy hot dogs. 

I decided to cut the hot dogs in half and make "Baby Mummies" since it was part of a lunch pot luck for kids grades TK to 4th and not the main course. However, we're making them again for our Halloween night dinner and we're leaving them whole and we're adding a slice of Colby Jack cheese before we wrap our mummies. 

These are the ones my husband and kids made with the cheese. He even added bacon to a few of them, and they were great right out of the oven. He cut the dough a bit thicker than I made them. I was really short on time and was making them incredibly fast. I was also dealing with a fussy baby who was eating in his high chair and throwing food on the floor. And I had a huge time crunch to get back before the kids started eating. 

Tips: I used a pizza cutter to slice the dough and I sprayed the cutter with cooking spray so the dough didn't stick. This worked out well. 

I sprayed the baking sheet with cooking spray and I sprayed the tops of the baby mummies too to give it a crispy top. You could also brush the dough with egg whites. 

I made some plain dogs too for the kids with gluten intolerance and I called them "naked mummies" and was met with many giggles. I realize it's hard for a kid to have food allergies, especially during holiday time at school and by calling them "Baby Mummies" and "Naked Mummies" the kids felt like they were included with the festivities and not just getting an after thought. 

I was short on time so I didn't add eyes. But no one seemed to notice. 

Transportation Tips: I realized that I was making a hot dish for a school pot luck and there wasn't a set time for the party, I wanted to keep them warm AND we live 25 minutes away from where the party was being held!!! So this was going to get tricky.

 I lined some glass containers with aluminum foil and placed a layer of mummies, placed another piece of foil and another layer of mummies, then topped it with foil and the seal tight lid. I then placed my containers into an insulated grocery store bag that is lined with a beach towel. 

After I added my containers in the bag I wrapped them with the rest of the towel and zipped it up. I was in the car in less than 10 minutes.

The food was delivered hot and the kids loved them! 

My Sunday Photo

It's a s'mores kind of evening! 

My Favorite Things To Do On #SundayFunday!

In a perfect world, Sunday would truly be a day of rest and not the rushing around at the grocery store, doing laundry, getting ready for the week day that it has become in our house. I am realizing that I need to do more prep during the week so we can turn it back into Sunday Funday!










If we could just set all chores and household duties aside, this would be a great way to spend a Sunday

• Champagne Brunch  (Not during pregnancy or while breastfeeding though. Boo.)
• Beach Day
• Mamas Only Spa Day (This only happens about once a year or once every few years though.)
• Spend the day swiming at the water park
• Riding bikes through the park
• Hiking the nature trails at our favorite nature preserve, The El Dorado Nature Center
• Spend the day writing (Mama only of course!) 
• Family day at Disneyland
• Gardening in our little farm or flower garden
• Picnic at the park followed by ice cream or frozen yogurt
• Date with my husband (preferably a long lunch or dinner, a movie and coffee after with possibly a bit of (fun) shopping after.
• Fun household chores like baking, organizing a room because you bought something new, painting, gardening, etc.
• Wandering around Target or Costco (yes, that's fun in our family, lol!)
• Watching the sunrise
• Watching the sunset
• Family crafts like water color painting, playdough, building things, etc.
• Family game day
• Family movie night with a living room picnic
• Campouts
• Bonfires and roasting marshmallows
• Spending hours and hours outdoors with nothing to do but exploring!

What are your fun ways to spend the weekend and Sunday Funday?  Comment below!

The Season Of No

I just started reading the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and it has inspired me to get back to my writing and carve out more time for myself and look at my life in a very different way. Now that I'm 40 and terribly wise and terribly adult (cough), I can look back on my life through the decades (Dear God! Am I really that old?), and I can reflect on the themes of each decade.

My 20's was the decade of "Sure! Why Not!" 

Sometimes even, "Sure! Why The Hell Not?!" There was a lot that happened during my 20's that was a result of me thinking or saying, "Sure, why not?!" A lot of it provided the backdrop to many great memories. Looking back on it now, some of it fills me with incredible panic and fear and I thank God it all turned out OK in the end and some of it makes me long for those days again. Mostly because I didn't have kids back then so I was able to take a nap whenever I wanted. I long for the days of extra sleep, getting a good night's sleep, sleeping in, napping whenever I needed it, not getting woken up in the middle of the night by a baby who needed to nurse and just sleep, sleep, sleep in general.  Sleep, glorious sleep. However, I don't think I actually slept that much in my 20's. I am now regretting that I burned the candle at both ends so many days and nights. What was I thinking?!

My 30's kind of fell into the theme of, "I probably should..." 

Or "I guess I should," or "I really should because they did that nice thing for me once and don't I have to repay them even though I have to make great compromises in what I need or my family needs to help them?" Or "I feel like I have to even though I don't want to."  You get the idea.  Martyrdom at it's finest. There were many things I felt very obligated to do in my 30's, and I did them most of the time. Things for other people, things because of other people, things I didn't really want to do but felt like I had to. Mom's Club things are coming to mind as well as lots and lots of volunteer work at school.  Even when I was sick as a dog and incredibly run-down from being pregnant in my first trimester.

Now that I'm 40, I'm starting a new chapter. This is the decade of, "No." 

A polite no, but no nonetheless. Polite yet emphatic. How that will actually end up looking I'm not sure, but I'm no longer going to put myself into the position of feeling obligated or put out because I don't want someone to think bad of me. Even if doing the thing makes me feel bad about myself. I'm not going to risk letting my children down or my husband down or myself down because I don't want to let a stranger down. How ridiculous is that? Yet it happens. I'm no longer going to feel like I need to please other people just for that person's sake, even if I care deeply about them. Whether that person is a stranger, an acquaintance, a parent on the PTA, a friend, a family member, a fellow mom in a mom's group, a therapist whom I'm paying to help me vent and work things out, even someone who has done something nice for me in the past and wants a favor from me, whoever. I am no longer going to feel obligated to do something for someone regardless if it works for me, fits in with what my family is doing or going through at that time. And that needs to be ok.

Actually, I'm giving myself permission that it is OK, and it doesn't need to be OK with anyone, because it's already OK with me.

Sorry for the overuse of italics during my ah-ha moment of clarity there. But if you've ever been a people pleaser, like I was raised to be, then you are totally nodding your head in agreement with me right now. You might have even blurted out a, "hell yea! Me too!"  If you did, please let me know in the comments that I'm not on this journey alone. And neither are you.

I'm giving myself the permission to be more selfish with my own time and desires because I know deep down that it will make me a better mother and a better person in the long run. I'm not doing anyone any favors by getting run down and depleting everything I have inside of me just to do someone a favor or even return a favor, or to protect someone's feelings or to make sure someone still likes me and doesn't think bad of me. A therapist told me once when she knew I was doing too much for too many people (including my own family) and not taking any time for myself to recharge, "Put your oxygen mask on first, Mama. That's the only way you can help your children and be a better mother and wife is if you put your mask on first."

I'm still figuring out how to do that.  I need to find the balance of taking care of myself and taking care of the kids and getting everything done. As a stay-at-home-mom I really feel the need to carve out my own time or else it just doesn't happen. I will post about it as soon as I start doing it. I also look forward to reading more of Big Magic and putting her thoughts and ideas into action. I love Elizabeth Gilbert (author of many books, Eat, Pray, Love, The Signature Of All Things, etc.) Please let me know how you do it for yourself. What does taking care of yourself look like to you?  Comment below!

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2016 A Year Of Gratitude: Appreciating The Quiet Moments

Today is January 4, 2016 (Happy 10th birthday to my sweet niece in Hawaii!) and it's the Monday after a very long Christmas/New Year holiday season of my husband off from work (by choice!) Nobody wanted to go to sleep last night, 2 out of the 3 kids woke up multiple times after they did actually "go to sleep", and the day started way too early. I'm tired and cranky and I already miss my husband being home and am counting down the days til Saturday when he's off again. After over 10 years of being together we still really enjoy each other's company.

Today I'm grateful for:

1. This sleeping baby who's nursing on my lap so I can have a few minutes to drink my decaf latte and think about what I'm grateful for and actually write a blog post!

2. I'm very grateful that my husband has a job to go to everyday. He has a career that started as a passion (he's in the motorcycle business), he's worked hard for it and has done well for himself and moved up enough to the point where all of his good ideas and suggestions are getting heard and implemented and his opinion is being asked and put into action. And that is a fulfilling place to be in your career. 

3. I'm grateful that I am able to be a stay-at-home-mom who can homeschool my children. It's not something I ever pictured, but it's what works for our family and it's what my family needs and we are doing well because of it. It was a good change for us and my kids are happier and our days are calmer and more peaceful. I'd say we are thriving because of it. It's not always wonderful and peaceful and fun and I do have my doubts when times get tough and it's not for everybody, that's for sure! But it works for us and the rewards far outweigh the troubles. So, I'm grateful for being able to homeschool my children.

4. I'm grateful my husband's co-worker no longer wanted his espresso machine so that I could make lattes at home! There is nothing like a hot latte on a chilly morning! I've never been a big caffeine drinker because I feel too jittery til the late afternoon and have to pee a million times, so I drink decaf because I like the taste. 

5. I'm so very grateful for this quiet moment of peace, serenity, reflection and gratitude right smack in the middle of a crazy Monday morning. Who would've thunk it? Thank you for this day and for these little moments and for this life that we have carved out for ourselves. I'm so incredibly grateful. 

Namaste

My Peaceful Little Breastfeeder

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For further reading: My Daily Gratitude Journals

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2016 New Year's Resolution Challenge: Set Small, Successful Goals By Making Weekly Changes

Sound familiar?

I realize that I set these really high goals for myself with unrealistic deadlines and expectations, so I have decided to look at my New Year's Resolutions in a new way. I'm not really good at starting on January 1st going full throttle into a new diet plan or giving up caffeine or sugar or something like that because New Year's Day feels too much like a holiday for me. My husband is always off work still from before Christmas and we're still in relax-mode.  We enjoy watching the Rose Parade on repeat all day long and staying in jammies, having a big breakfast, going for a walk or bike ride around the neighborhood or at our local park trail and playing with Christmas presents. Today was not much different.

However, I do want to make some changes to my life and I think I'll be more successful taking these new changes in weekly doses rather than feeling like I have to start all of these multiple things on day 1 and if I don't I have failed the whole year. GASP!

I can do anything for a week. Seven days is nothin'! I'm also not going to star each weekly goal on Monday mornings because Monday's are hard enough as it is without having to start a new weekly goal. I'm going to start on Saturdays. My goal is to get used to doing the new habit or seeing the benefits of the new habit so that I'll want to naturally roll it over to the next week rather seamlessly. A few days before the new week starts I'll pick a new goal from my list to start and I'll try my best to continue my goal from the previous week too. If I can't seem to accomplish the previous weeks goal I will at least focus on completing the goal I choose for that week, and will do my best to continue it all seven days. I plan to make a hard copy of my weekly goal sheet too with check off boxes so I can see what I'm supposed to be doing as well as see all of my progress.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION 2016
WEEKLY GOAL CHALLENGE

The first week is making my bed daily. I'm really bad at doing this. I have a hard time with mornings. I'm always very tired and my back is always very stiff. Especially when I'm breastfeeding a baby like I am now with my 12 month old. (Hard to believe he's already a year old!!!) But the position I'm in to nurse him all night long wreaks havoc on my back.  I've been in a lot of car accidents over the years and this has exacerbated my back pain.  So I wake up in pain pretty much every single morning. The last thing I want to do is bend over and try to pull heavy blankets up to make the bed, so it's become a habit not to make it. However, I like having a nice, neat bed to climb into at night and so does my husband. Plus, as my husband said today,  "it makes it easier to dump a load of clothes to fold when it's made too"  and I agree. We not only made the bed this morning, we also folded a bunch of clothes too and even put most of them away while the kids were busy playing Legos and the baby was happy in his jumper! Bonus! Not too shabby of a way to start the new year off! We even slept in!

So week 1 is making the bed daily and folding my PJ's and putting them away in the morning. Those kind of go hand in hand. I'm REALLY bad at taking clothes off and leaving them on the floor. So I'm trying to change this really bad habit. 

I have some other ideas of things I want to add to my weekly list of New Year's Resolutions and I'm determined to make them last past the second week of January. Isn't that usually the time when everyone stops doing their resolutions? 

I'm going to start making an ongoing list of things I want to accomplish in 2016 and I'm going to update each new post with my running list. I'm hoping to create some better habits this year.
Would you like to join me?  What would you put on your list?

In no particular order:

1. Make the bed every morning

2. Fold PJ's in the morning and put them away.

3. Fold/hang up clothes at night. 

4. Brush teeth before bed. (Doesn't always happen if I'm too tired, even though I make the kids do it.)

5. Wash face before bed. (Doesn't always happen if I'm too tired.)

6. Spend 5-10 minutes cleaning, organizing, straightening our room or bathroom each night. 

7. Spend 5-10 minutes cleaning, organizing, straightening our room or bathroom each morning. 

8. Meditating each morning or evening. 

9. Start the day off with yoga. 

10. Eliminate sugar. 

11. Eliminate wheat. 

12. Eliminate dairy. 

13. Daily gratitude (3 things).

14. Eliminate yelling. 

15. Get out in nature every day and take a daily nature picture. 

16. Clean out 1 box, 1 bag, 1 cupboard  or 1 drawer a day. 
17. Straighten up/clean up, organize bathrooms each day.
18. Juice Daily
19. Load and run the dishwasher each night.
20. Wash, dry, fold and put away ONE load of laundry a day.

to be continued...

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